“I wasn’t depressed anymore, but I wasn’t happy either. I wasn’t sure what I was.”
– Unfrozen prologue (read it by clicking –> here<–)
I can tell you one thing I was. I was cold. It didn’t come out all of the time. Of course, I shared as much warmth as I could with the outside world by engaging with people in heart to heart conversations and mustering up as much kindness as possible. But when I was warm to the outside world, it was like I depleted my resources so when I got home I had very little warmth to give my family. It made sense, in a way. They asked more from me than anyone else. When I was around them I felt like a failure because they needed things from me I wasn’t sure I could give. So every request for me to meet their needs felt like a neon sign flashing “FAILURE! FAILURE! FAILURE!” I knew I shouldn’t resent my family for highlighting my weaknesses, but that knowledge only made me feel shame for the fact that I often did. It was a spiral of self-centered self-hatred and bitterness.
*Don’t miss out on the contest at the bottom of this post!!!*
What does it really mean to be frozen, anyway?
When H2O is in it’s liquid form, it can flow freely, in and out of the spaces open to its movement. But when it freezes, it’s stuck. It might clunk around from place to place, but it doesn’t move freely and it keeps it’s goodness to itself.
The life-blood of our hearts is like that. When our hearts are hard, it’s difficult or even impossible to give or receive love.
When I think of that frozen kind of feeling, I think of a coldness of heart. I think of a heart that is so scared of being further wounded that it hunkers down or runs away from the threat of pressure or shame. The frozen heart feels paralyzed, isolated or trapped.
And when I feel trapped, I feel like there’s no way out.
But there is away out.
Wherever you are right now, you are not stuck. You may have given up on the idea of being open to giving and receiving love. You may feel you have no choice but to hunker down or run away. But you do have a choice. The beauty of the image of a frozen heart is that all it needs is warmth to get back to the free-flow of love. And that warmth can come with a gradual change in temperature or it can come in instant waves of heat.
One of the first things that has helped me in the thawing of my own heart is to come out of isolation and bring my heart into the light. But that was the last thing I wanted to do. I didn’t want to admit how fragile I was and then be vulnerable to the possibility of being broken. I didn’t want to admit how ugly I felt inside and then be vulnerable to judgment and shame.
I wanted to watch NCIS and Castle and eat away my longing. Sometimes I still do.
But that’s not the answer. We need a safe haven for our hearts. An environment where we can lift our eyes to see one another – to come out of hiding and gently begin to share the truth of what we think and feel.
Your frozen heart is worth mining.
The very first image of Disney’s Frozen is the image of huge saws ripping through a thick layer of ice and a chorus of men singing about the dangers of a frozen heart. Then they claim that the frozen heart is worth mining.
Your heart is worth mining. Your heart is invaluable and you have an immeasurable amount of love to offer others. But you have to take the first step.
You have to decide that your heart is worth mining.
I long to see your heart thaw so you can give and receive love freely. I long to keep mine soft and open. I long for my daughter to have a foundation for understanding that she doesn’t have to hide in the cold and become paralyzed by the fear that once trapped me.
That’s why I wrote Unfrozen: Stop Holding Back and Release the Real You. I wrote it to:
- bring my own life and heart out into the light to prove to myself that my heart is indestructible.
- offer my life (our life) as an example of some of the struggles we all face in our relationships so you know you’re not alone.
- begin a relationship with you, that you might find the space I offer to be a space where you can be free to mine your frozen heart.
Unfrozen Video Discussion Guide
I also want to offer you the opportunity to create your own safe space to vulnerably share and connect with others. That’s why I’m creating a free video discussion guide based on imagery from the movie and personal stories. You can use it with or without the book but it is a great companion to the book. The features of this special video discussion guide are:
- 6 Lessons for you and 1-3 other people to view together either once a week for 6 weeks or in any time-frame you choose.
- 2-4 videos in each lesson. The 3-5 minute long videos use illustrations from the movie, the book and other stories to set up questions you can use for discussion. It’s simple. Play a video, then have a conversation.
- PDF Downloads with the questions and room for you to journal your responses, if you so choose.
- PDF Downloads with biblical references to lay a foundation for how these lessons relate to your faith, if you desire to explore that.
- Access to a private Facebook group where we can interact and support one another on the journey. I will be available at least once a week to answer questions and offer ideas for you as you do the heart-mining work with your child, friend or spouse.
If you would like to check out the Unfrozen Video Discussion Guide, sign up Start Here to receive notification when it’s available and access into the private Unfrozen Community group next week. Only people who sign up through this link or enrolled in the video discussion guide will be able to enter the group.
Enter to win one of 3 packages (including the Unfrozen audiobook & audio of Unfrozen keynote speech, etc. – a $27 value) by doing the following by Monday, August 30th:
- Share this post on Facebook and/or Twitter and tell your friends why you’re sharing it. Each post is one entry, so count them and let me know in step 3.
- Sign up for email notification of the Unfrozen Video Discussion Guide release here —>Start Here.
- Comment BELOW this post (not on Facebook) and tell me you did steps 1 & 2. Please let me know what email you used when you signed up so I can contact you if you win! I MUST have your email address if you want to win because that’s the only way I know I can get ahold of you. Check back here and on my Facebook page, just in case!
**Previous winners are allowed to enter into this new drawing.***