It’s days like today when I create something like this that I think, “you know? I think I’m right where I need to be.” I created this video based on the blog post I wrote yesterday. May you be inspired to take action!
Go find this video on (click these links) Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and like it. Share it. Comment on it.
I’m sending you a virtual fist bump.
Arise, my friend. Your voice matters.
~Andrea Joy
Every time I try a new idea or offer a new kind of thing online or in person, I get this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. What will people think? Will it work? Is this going to meet people where they are? Will all of the effort be worth it in the end?
These questions are always present, and for good reason. Because sometimes the new idea doesn’t work. Sometimes I have to go back to the drawing board and try to figure out what next new thing to try. And every single time I end up feeling like I’m free falling.
I’ve had to ask myself over and over, “Is it worth it?…Do I have what it takes?”
That’s why MOANA hit me hard a couple weeks ago. If you watched my video about it, you know that MOANA comes to a place in her journey where she fails at something so she takes the symbol of her calling and hands it back to the ocean.
Did you hear that? She hands back her calling.
She decides that the ocean chose the wrong person for the job and she simply doesn’t have what it takes.
It’s at that point in Moana’s story where someone special (her guide) comes back and says something like, “Moana, you’ve come so far. Moana listen, do you know who you are?” Moana takes a step back and remembers who she is, her family history and the moment that she knew the ocean called her. With renewed conviction, she rises again and completes her mission.
Dang.
I’ve gone through that very process *on repeat* for three years, especially right around the time when I try something new. Why? Because I’m always hoping that the next thing…the next offering…will propel me into an easier path.
If I write a book, the launch will be easy.
If I have a strong launch for my book, the blog will be easy.
If I create a course to help people find their voices, the launch will be easy.
If I make videos to share my ideas, creating content every week will be easy.
If I use the right hashtags, getting my offering in front of more people will be easy.
Lies. All lies. None of it is easy. Every bit of it is just as much a struggle as it is a joy. Every bit is just as disappointing as it is encouraging. So why do I keep going?
The same reason you do. Because…
We are stronger than we think we are.
Our messages are more powerful than we think they are.
People’s longing to connect is deeper than we think it is.
Our destain for wasting our lives is more potent than we ever thought it was.
We know who we are.
Look, if you’re going to create stuff and offer it to others, there is always risk involved. Huge risk. Making something and then holding it out to others is about as vulnerable as standing naked in a crowd. That’s why you want to be sure that you KNOW WHO YOU ARE and that you’re doing it without holding back.
This stuff is so important. If you want to live unfrozen and live as a creator, offering stuff that represents the message you’re called to speak, you’ve got to get used to that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach.
You have a choice. You can call it nerves or you can call it the thrill of the leap.
I am doing something new and exciting and totally risky. I’ve created an online course to help you begin the process of really finding your voice – your redemptive message – and then figure out how you’re going to use it. The course will run for 4 weeks beginning January 9th, 2017. I’m working my tail off to be sure you get way more than what you pay for. I believe that this course could be something that thousands of people could take in the future, but I’m starting at the very beginning and I’m looking for a few risk-taking creator-messengers to join me while it’s in infancy.
If you feel a tug on your heart right now in this moment, then I want you to follow that feeling and go read about the course right now: IMPACT By DESIGN: 101 Core Message course information (best viewed on a computer, but it works on your phone, too.)
But I have way more to offer you if you’re not quite sure if you want to take this leap (registration is only available through Wednesday, Dec. 14th) In the last video I made, I explained that if you’re someone who has all kinds of thoughts, connections and insight floating around inside, I GET you and I know exactly what I can do to help you decide what to say to find your most effective message.
You see, the problem isn’t that you don’t have anything to say, it’s that you have so much to say that your life-message is either spread too thin for great impact or you are paralyzed in indecision.
I can help you!
I’m doing a Facebook Live training about building the 5 layers of Arrowhead Alignment of your core message. On Tuesday, December 13th at 7:30 CST, I will be explaining this method of aligning your message with who you are for integrity, consistency, clarity, confidence and deep impact.
Download this freebie to see if you want to learn more. In it, I share the 5 layers of Arrowhead Alignment. I think this process could help you, otherwise I wouldn’t bother. I believe I’m called to help you find and build your authentic redemptive message, not just push you to say whatever comes to mind. #LoveEdits. That’s why I’m offering this to you.
*I do ask that you give me your email address so I can send you the PDF and share other resources with you. If you are already receiving emails from me, you can just click the link in the email I sent this week and you don’t have to keep registering your email address for stuff.*
It’s difficult and expensive to get a message out into the world. I want to help. And you can help me by engaging with this post on social media through your likes, comments and shares.
Kick 2017 off with some quality self-awareness and ACTION with me. Let’s do this together.
~ Andrea Joy
I’m sharing a lot more about how you can decide what to say and when to say it. Check out this 7 minute video (edited from the original).
Do you ever want to hand your calling back to God?
*Subtitles are available for this video in YouTube.*
After roasting through a Georgia summer and scrambling to move into a new home just weeks before my second child was due, it was finally time to nest. I leaned back into the sofa, my feet propped up, and sorted freshly washed baby clothes. My toddler son wandered over. “Shoe?” he asked, holding up a bootie.
“Yes, honey, that’s for your baby brother or sister,” I smiled.
“Baby sister,” he pronounced with a nod.
“Yes, your baby brother or sister.” I responded, since we had foregone an ultrasound reveal.
“Baby sister,” he stated firmly, leaning against my leg.
Don’t miss the special announcement at the bottom of this post!
His words unsettled me. After mothering a boy for twenty months, I felt like I’d found a rhythm for who he was. My mom and I had survived my teens years but only because my peacemaking dad had helped us navigate the transition from parent/child to friends.
What would it be like to have a daughter? Did I have what it takes to mother a girl well? Or would we end up with one of those tense, competitive relationships that can take place between women in a family?
Whether I was ready or not, my son was right. I soon snuggled a beautiful, chubby-cheeked girl, with dark hair falling past her ears, and my adventure in parenting a “mini-me” – who is also very much her own person – began.
Fast forwarding fourteen years, she is still beautiful. Her deep brown eyes readily well up with tears of compassion or flash with passion over injustice. Logic and intuition both make a home in her heart, and woe to the disingenuous! While she’s patient and quick to forgive, her radar is alert for deception or inconsistency. Her three brothers appreciate her as both tough and tender. She calls me her best friend, yet our love and her trust unsettle me still, deepening my felt need of God’s wisdom and grace as her mom.
In a world that weighs her against air-brushed, starving fashion models, that measures her value by male approval, that seeks to silence her voice – what does my life, my mothering, teach her about being a woman? In a Christian culture that sends mixed messages about holiness, service and the nature of femininity – what does mentoring her as a Jesus-follower look like? In a home that’s hectic with homeschool, work, chores, noise and never enough sleep – in what ways can I both recognize and shape opportunities to connect with her heart?
Reading UNFROZEN together has been a gift to us both. Even as I resonated with Andrea’s story for myself, the book seeded conversations with my daughter about what it means to be a woman who loves and lives for Jesus. I could share the lies I believed, the mistakes I made because of them yet point to God’s faithfulness in pursuing and redeeming me. Discussing UNFROZEN together gave me a chance to hear her inner struggles and clarified the truths I want to pass on to her.
Check out the Free UNFROZEN Video Discussion Guide in the UNFROZEN Resource Center
I’ve been blessed that she’s chosen to be a Jesus-follower in her own right, but, I’m realizing that even if she hadn’t, I can still choose to live these truths before her, alongside her. Although I didn’t know how I was “supposed” to mother a daughter, God’s faithfulness has upheld and led us both, and I am forever grateful for this gift who has grown me up, with her.
What does it take to mother a daughter well? Just an open, honest heart and a very gracious God.
Rosanne Moore is the homeschooling mother of 4 awesome kids who amaze, amuse and humble her, as well as one precious babe who anchored her heart in eternity. In 2011, single parenting arrived as an unexpected fork in her road. However, it’s left her more grateful than ever for God’s faithfulness and His many grace-gifts, which include a close-knit extended family, honest friends who are both hilarious and wise, snuggly cats and a good book on a rainy day, all forms of chocolate and the color purple.
Utilizing her experience as a reading instruction specialist for students K5-adults and as a language arts/writing tutor in her current work as a freelance editor, Rosanne helps writers hone their message to connect effectively with their audience. With her passion for truth and heart for seeing the Body of Christ deepen in community for God’s glory, she also serves as a spiritual director, listening to the unfolding story of God’s work in the lives of others and sharing her own journey of seeking God in every part of life, even (or, perhaps, especially) in our darkest nights. She can be contacted regarding either of these services at rosannemoore.stories@gmail.com
The UNFROZEN Video Discussion Guide is here!
Watch Video 1.2 NOW!
Sign up for the 6 lesson discussion guide here. Use it to help you process your own story and build rich connections with someone you love – even your daughter!
…please share it with friends!…
For most of my life, I’ve been a dreamer and achiever. I’ve always set goals and then worked hard to attain them. It started in elementary school. When I worked hard, I received a lot of praise for doing well. So, I worked harder. I discovered that I liked the praise I was getting. Thus, my identity as a perfectionistic people pleaser was born.
It didn’t matter what I was doing at the moment, I just wanted to be good at it, or at least be perceived as being good at it. One day in second grade, I came home crying because I had received an “S” for “satisfactory” in handwriting. My parents couldn’t comprehend why I was so upset. I sadly explained that I usually get an “S+”. I had set a bar for myself and when I couldn’t reach it, I was a failure.
In high school, the concept of having a good reputation became a big deal. For example, I had developed a reputation for being a good student, a good singer, and a good girl. My identity became wrapped up in my reputation and what other people thought of me. But, what if I lost those things? Would I still have value in the eyes of others? If people liked me because I could sing a pretty song, what if another girl moved into our tiny town who had a better voice? If people liked me because I was smart and got good grades, what if I failed a test or forgot to hand in an assignment? Would their opinions of me change? As a Christian, I wanted to do the right things and glorify God with my choices. But, what would happen if the “good girl” did a bad thing? Would I fall from grace in everyone’s eyes? I knew I wasn’t perfect. But I sure tried to be. And if I wasn’t all of those things, then who was I?
Ugh. The pressure I put on myself was a lot to take. I had a strong idea of who I wanted to be. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. The problem was that I was finding my identity in things that are temporary. Things that don’t last and don’t matter in eternity. Plus, my standards for myself were impossible.
When I went to college, the fact that I identified myself as a “good girl” presented itself as a spiritual growth opportunity. It’s not like I went off the rails and went wild. But college Shannon did a few things high school Shannon wouldn’t have approved of. Worse, I knew that those choices were things that God didn’t approve of either. Was I still a good girl in His eyes?
I had to wrestle with my identity. Verses like Ephesians 2:8-9 helped me work the truth that I knew in my head into my heart.
“For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that is not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.” Ephesians 2:8-9
My true identity was in Christ. I knew that through Christ, I was forgiven. Being a good girl until I died was never going to be enough to save my soul. I could not earn my salvation. No matter how hard I tried, I wasn’t perfect.
My salvation is a gift from God, through His Son’s sacrifice on my behalf. My sin, especially those mistakes I made in college, reminded me of my need for God and how futile my attempts at perfection really were.
I am His workmanship. My abilities and personality traits are gifts from Him and are His to use through me. They do not define me. He prepared a plan for me in advance and equipped me accordingly.
I discovered so much freedom when I learned to embrace who God made me to be. I don’t have to be insecure. Not because I’m perfect, but because I’m loved. I don’t have to be embarrassed when I’m bad at something. God gave me other gifts. I don’t have to feel threatened by someone with similar gifts. God can use us both and together those gifts can be magnified.
I still worry too much about what other people think of me. They aren’t God, after all and are not nearly as gracious. But, I’m learning that what other people think of me is temporary and will one day be irrelevant. Only one opinion of me is eternal, His, and that is where I find my identity. No longer the good girl, but “grace girl”.
I am a wife to my best friend, a mama to my sweet boy, and a dog mom. My mission is to encourage, comfort, inspire, and draw my readers closer to the Lord by sharing my stories. When I’m not writing or chasing a toddler, I’m singing, reading, or cheering on the Huskers.
You can read more from me at Shannon Lenz: My Faith-My Family-My Stories.
“I’m gonna hop, hop, hop,” my two-year-old daughter shouts as she hops and runs down the sidewalk, a made-up song spilling out with her giggles.
“Mommy! I’m gonna fly like a plane,” she shouts again as she extends her arms above her sides and starts to run.
I watch her.
It doesn’t cross her mind that anyone, but me, is watching.
She’s not even aware that anyone else might be paying attention or that we’re “in public.”
She’s not trying to impress anyone….
Or wondering what someone might think.
She is simply testing her abilities and finding creative ways to express herself and have fun.
I long to protect that—that innocent and unrestrained self-expression and playfulness.
And, I wonder when I lost it. When we lost it.
I wonder when we stopped testing our abilities, because we started to believe failure was a bad thing or when our shouts turned to a whisper and then to silence, because someone told us we were too loud or talked too much or didn’t have anything valuable to say.
Or when we started to compare our made-up songs or made-up poems with someone else’s and thought we better stop “making up,” because we weren’t any good at it anyway.
Sometimes, it takes a child to remind us what it looks like to express ourselves and create without fear.
There are times when we call our children reckless; we say they have no sense of danger or that they’re too courageous.
I wonder what age those words start sticking and when our caution starts to plant seeds of fear and reluctance in our children.
Of course, we have to teach our children boundaries and, of course, we have to teach them about danger.
But, why do our boundary lines move closer and closer inward until we will not move or speak or create or play for fear that we’ll cross the line?
The very line we ourselves created.
Why have we allowed fear to keep us silent?
Or keep us so heavily guarded that the words we speak or the things we create have little impact, because they’re not striking deep places, simply because we’re afraid to pull from deeper within ourselves?
As much as I long to protect the creativity, imagination, and uninhibited expression within my daughter, I long—even more—to cultivate it.
I long to find ways to keep her imagination and creativity alive, to fan the flame, and to keep it growing….
to call out all that’s inside of her to come forth and encounter the world…to make it brighter, to make it better.
And, when I create space for her to sing, dance, paint, or run without me drawing imaginary boundary lines around her with my “be careful,” or my “not so loud,” I see the most of her, I see the best of her…..I see what she’s made of.
And, when I create space for her to express herself without worry of a mess or a fall, she challenges herself and she surprises me, because “I didn’t know she could do that—I thought she was too young.”
Then, I wonder if I would create space, if there are places in my life where I’d surprise myself, because “I didn’t know I could do that.”
My daughter reminds me what it looks to create without fear.
Her very act of creating without fear is itself a creation, because it sparks in me the desire to create.
And, I start to think that if we’d all be a little braver, a little less restrained, and we’d extend those boundary lines out a little more…we’d see an outpouring of gifts, talents, ideas, and works-of-art that would begin to drown out the destruction in our world.
Because, if we’re not making something new or finding ways to breathe new life into what’s already been created, we’re either staying stagnant or we’re destroying the things that we’ve made.
****
Although we’ve never met in person, Holly and I connected through Her View From Home and hit it off right away. It took a few phone conversations before I realized that she is a Cozad, Nebraska native and her dad worked with my husband’a grandparents there. I’m so pleased to share her with you today. Please go to her website and order her book!
-Andrea
Holly Mthethwa is passionate about sharing God’s word in everyday life. She’s been a missionary advisor in Peru and India and is the author of the Christian memoir “Hot Chocolate in June: A True Story of Loss, Love, and Restoration.” She resides just outside of Washington, D.C. where she lives an adventure with her husband and daughter. Holly writes regularly about faith, family, and moments that have hooked her heart at www.ruggedandredeemed.com.
To read more from Holly, check out her book “Hot Chocolate in June” on Amazon or visit her blog at ruggedandredeemed.com.
It’s hard for me to believe that it’s been six years since we moved to North Platte and left an amazing group of young Hastings College women who stole my heart. But here we are, so many years later, and they’ve all moved on to new cities, new relationships and new careers. I’m as proud as a mother-hen kind of big-sister could be.
Laura Bernero is one of those young women, now living a life full of spiritual and relational depth in Denver, Colorado, finding creative expression through her blog, Laura’s Letters. If I know you at all, I know that her endearing authenticity and wisdom will have you wanting to read more, so click here and bop on over to Laura’s Letters. But first, here is the moment she found a new freedom.
I wrote a blog post last year titled “I’d Rather Have the Old.”
The post was an extended metaphor about how my love of vintage clothing and old furnishings and my grandparents’ old love letters were metaphors for my nostalgic heart.
I never published it.
At the time, I was dwelling on old mental and spiritual battles. Most importantly, I was using old names for myself. When I wrote that year-ago post, I was still holding on to years-ago hurt and fears and grief. Lost relationships. Friendships that fractured. Jobs and roles that I knew I’d never occupy again.
It was like playing dusty VCR tapes over and over, breathing in the familiar sounds and the familiar-but-fleeting comfort they offered me. Those old names still worked, but not well. They fostered hurt, rather than healing.
I remember this truth first hitting me on a glorious fall weekend last year. Me and a bunch of my best girlfriends went to the mountains for a retreat. We laughed and cried until our sides and cheeks were a little sore and raw. We played volleyball and ping pong and dodge ball and we screamed on the zipline. And suddenly, in between cries of worship and heartfelt conversation, I realized a new freedom. A feeling of being known and valued and loved without guilt, and without worrying about pleasing anybody.
One of our speakers during this weekend retreat said this: “Some of you have been playing old tapes over and over again in your head. Old lies. An old nickname someone called you, an old pattern, an old habit. You’re chaining yourself to that old stuff and letting it have power over you.”
It’s true – some of us enjoy playing these old tapes. Maybe because they are comfortable. Maybe because it’s easier to believe the old than to work hard to redefine.
However. We have an invitation each new day to choose our names – the words we want to be known by. And this invitation is for our good. Old names make us miss the beauty, the redemption, the growth, the good around us in the present, as well as the hope of what is to come. New names speak of hope and who we are becoming.
The beauty of Christ’s aliveness in us is that we are always invited into new territory. He’s redeeming each of us moment-by-moment, bit-by-bit, always. So you’re never going to be who you were. You are evermore the person you’re becoming. The person you were made to be.
Those old VCRs may be comfortable, but there are new and better and freeing messages that are just waiting to crowd out the old, dusty tapes.
Here’s some old lies, old names, old tapes I’ve believed about myself:
Recently, I have been on a spiritual and mental quest to phase out the old names for new ones. To replace lies with true words, degrading names with uplifting ones, old tapes with new technology.
Here is our invitation today and each day: Will we stop the old tapes and let God’s promise of newness become our name?
Here are the names that God wants to write, with new ink and new grace, on our hearts:
What are these names in your life? Do you record them in your journal or write them on your mirror? Do you call yourself by the name that fits you best for this season?
Let us stop the old tapes and let God’s promises breathe life into us once again. Let’s turn off the VCR, friends. Amen.
Follow Laura here. Let’s show this young woman some love on social media by sharing this post. Tell your friends on Facebook what struck you about what you read here.
Thanks, friend.
UPDATE: WE DID IT!!!
UNFROZEN made a huge break out into the world with 2,800 Kindle downloads in 2 days! Thank you for helping us reach the #1 Kindle Bestseller for Family Health and Adolescent < Counseling!
*******
It’s a big day around here, friends – Unfrozen Launch Day!
Here is a 5 minute video I made for you. It provides answers to some common questions I’ve been asked about the process.
Please note that the Kindle book promotion will run through Thursday. The book will be free on Sunday and under $3 for the next few days. (Regular Kindle price – $8.99) (Amazon Paperback – $15.99)
Thanks for downloading and sharing it with your friends!
Amazon – Unfrozen Video from Andrea Wenburg on Vimeo.
“I wasn’t depressed anymore, but I wasn’t happy either. I wasn’t sure what I was.”
– Unfrozen prologue (read it by clicking –> here<–)
I can tell you one thing I was. I was cold. It didn’t come out all of the time. Of course, I shared as much warmth as I could with the outside world by engaging with people in heart to heart conversations and mustering up as much kindness as possible. But when I was warm to the outside world, it was like I depleted my resources so when I got home I had very little warmth to give my family. It made sense, in a way. They asked more from me than anyone else. When I was around them I felt like a failure because they needed things from me I wasn’t sure I could give. So every request for me to meet their needs felt like a neon sign flashing “FAILURE! FAILURE! FAILURE!” I knew I shouldn’t resent my family for highlighting my weaknesses, but that knowledge only made me feel shame for the fact that I often did. It was a spiral of self-centered self-hatred and bitterness.
*Don’t miss out on the contest at the bottom of this post!!!*
What does it really mean to be frozen, anyway?When H2O is in it’s liquid form, it can flow freely, in and out of the spaces open to its movement. But when it freezes, it’s stuck. It might clunk around from place to place, but it doesn’t move freely and it keeps it’s goodness to itself.
The life-blood of our hearts is like that. When our hearts are hard, it’s difficult or even impossible to give or receive love.
When I think of that frozen kind of feeling, I think of a coldness of heart. I think of a heart that is so scared of being further wounded that it hunkers down or runs away from the threat of pressure or shame. The frozen heart feels paralyzed, isolated or trapped.
And when I feel trapped, I feel like there’s no way out.
Wherever you are right now, you are not stuck. You may have given up on the idea of being open to giving and receiving love. You may feel you have no choice but to hunker down or run away. But you do have a choice. The beauty of the image of a frozen heart is that all it needs is warmth to get back to the free-flow of love. And that warmth can come with a gradual change in temperature or it can come in instant waves of heat.
One of the first things that has helped me in the thawing of my own heart is to come out of isolation and bring my heart into the light. But that was the last thing I wanted to do. I didn’t want to admit how fragile I was and then be vulnerable to the possibility of being broken. I didn’t want to admit how ugly I felt inside and then be vulnerable to judgment and shame.
I wanted to watch NCIS and Castle and eat away my longing. Sometimes I still do.
But that’s not the answer. We need a safe haven for our hearts. An environment where we can lift our eyes to see one another – to come out of hiding and gently begin to share the truth of what we think and feel.
Your frozen heart is worth mining.The very first image of Disney’s Frozen is the image of huge saws ripping through a thick layer of ice and a chorus of men singing about the dangers of a frozen heart. Then they claim that the frozen heart is worth mining.
Your heart is worth mining. Your heart is invaluable and you have an immeasurable amount of love to offer others. But you have to take the first step.
You have to decide that your heart is worth mining.
I long to see your heart thaw so you can give and receive love freely. I long to keep mine soft and open. I long for my daughter to have a foundation for understanding that she doesn’t have to hide in the cold and become paralyzed by the fear that once trapped me.
That’s why I wrote Unfrozen: Stop Holding Back and Release the Real You. I wrote it to:
I also want to offer you the opportunity to create your own safe space to vulnerably share and connect with others. That’s why I’m creating a free video discussion guide based on imagery from the movie and personal stories. You can use it with or without the book but it is a great companion to the book. The features of this special video discussion guide are:
If you would like to check out the Unfrozen Video Discussion Guide, sign up Start Here to receive notification when it’s available and access into the private Unfrozen Community group next week. Only people who sign up through this link or enrolled in the video discussion guide will be able to enter the group.
Enter to win one of 3 packages (including the Unfrozen audiobook & audio of Unfrozen keynote speech, etc. – a $27 value) by doing the following by Monday, August 30th:
**Previous winners are allowed to enter into this new drawing.***
