Category Archives: Parenting

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The Prerequisite to Empowering Others

I just got a call from our daughter’s school. Amelia forgot her glasses. Ugh. Those glasses are special glasses to help her eyes focus so she can read. Reading is pretty important in elementary school, so I hear. Immediately my heart sank and I began thinking on the dark side…IMG_6215

How did I not notice she didn’t have her glasses this morning?! I always screw stuff like this up!

And as I tracked down her glasses and ran them to school, I thought of all the things I forget – every meal that gets thrown together because I didn’t plan well…every piece of trash that was apparently lying around somewhere so the dogs could get to it and rip it into pieces…the dirty floors…the pants that need ironing…and on and on. By the time I got there, I felt worthless.

When I Put Myself Down

When I feel worthless, there are a few things that I automatically start doing:

  1. I start saying really mean things to myself.
    • “You never remember the important things.”
    • “Why can’t you be like ____?! She would pay attention to whether her kids have their glasses on or not.”
    • “Oh good grief, Andrea. You’re setting your kids up for disaster!”
  2. I show my attitude with my facial expressions and body language so everyone knows what a jerk I am.
  3. I begin to feel and act resentful toward others for judging me. Because if I can’t say anything good about myself, surely no one else can either.

But I’m pretty sure self-deprecation never made anyone more loving. And it certainly doesn’t make me any better at remembering things. My self-shaming comments make it nearly impossible for me to love others well. In fact, when I’m mean to myself, I’m mean to others.

I’ve heard a lot of people say that the answer is that we need to be kind to ourselves and stop feeling so bad for when we mess up. But I believe the process is incomplete if we ignore or deny the impact we have on others. When we mess up without acknowledging those we have hurt, we diminish the influence we have with them.

Humility, Not Self-Deprecation

If you want to love well and offer your gifts to others, it’s time to stop putting yourself down. It’s time to stop the self-shaming internal dialogue and start believing in something more true. How?

By stepping into a beam of light that exposes the reality of your situation, while warming your heart with love. This is the kind of love John talks about in 1 John 4 of the Bible. It’s the kind of love that says,sunbeam-76825_1280

“I see you for who you are: all of your mistakes, all of your wrong-doing, all of your short-comings, and you are forgiven. Now live in the humility of knowing that you are not perfect, but you are loved anyway. Then go and invite others into the light of love.”

If you want to empower your kids or your friends or your students to become all they can be, stop putting yourself down. Walk humbly, with an honest sense of the reality of your situation.

  1. Step into the light that exposes your weaknesses. See them for what they are.
  2. Take responsibility for your short-comings. Ask forgiveness when forgiveness is needed. Ask for help when help is needed.
  3. Enjoy the freedom from your burden. Bask in the warmth that love provides and say kind things to yourself and those who forgive or help you.
  4. Boldly go and display this light of love by inviting others to be honest, allowing them to take responsibility for their mistakes and then demonstrate your forgiveness and love for them.

The fact is, it will always be a struggle for me to keep up with daily life. I will always be better at things that have nothing to do with keeping our family well-dressed, well-fed and on-time. But if I give my mistakes and failures more air time than asking forgiveness and/or help, then my little snafus will turn into a deflated Andrea, who ends up deflating others.

What unkind things do you say to yourself? Perhaps it’s time to expose the reality of your situation and walk humbly into the light of love.

Do you want to empower your team to empower others?

Click here to learn more.

 

Self-Shame Series:

Stepping Out of Self-Shame: Part 1

Stepping Out of Self-Shame: Part 2

The Day I Realized I Was Hurting Myself (Part 3)

 

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A Question for Moms

Amelia 9We have a 9 year old, people. That’s right. No longer a child, not yet a teen.

A ‘tween.

Pre-teen.

Post-I can carry her up the stairs

Smack-dab-in-the-middle-of-a DESPERATE need for independence and a DESPERATE need for coddling.

Oh wait. That’s nothing new.

Anyway, we’re here and I have mixed emotions about it all. I blubber at the dinner table when I think of how grown up she sounds and the next minute I’m throwing my hands up in the air with a “hallelujah!” that I can use rational arguments and actually get through every once in a while.

It’s all got me thinking about what I want for the next 9 years she’s in our home.

What skills do I want her to have when she goes out on her own? What experiences do I hope to provide? How will she explore her gifts? What kind of a relationship do I want to have with her through these pre-teen and teen years?

These are things I’m thinking about now that I have a ‘tween. They are the same kinds of things I was thinking about 5 years ago when Aaron and I sat down to set goals for what we wanted for our family. We thought about our kids, our marriage, our individual goals and our vision for our family and we set out on a journey toward them. Every few months we revisited our goals to consider how we’d moved toward them and what steps we wanted to take in the next few months. And by golly, we got here!

I don’t have any promise for the future, but I do know that I don’t want to float to Amelia’s graduation day and be carried by the winds of the status quo, wherever they blow. I want to set a sail, catch those winds and creatively move toward the goals that mean something to us. 

Creative Tween AdviceRight now I’m working on a special offering
(yes…I’m still working on the book! But no, it’s not that). There’s an elaborate plan hatching in my mind. It’s something that would help creative kids grow in their self-confidence, social skills, trust of their parents, and so much more. But I need your perspective.

If you’re a mom of a ‘tween daughter, would you be willing to share your perspective with me in a 10 question survey?

Your response could effect many other moms and daughters (including me!). And you might enjoy thinking through the questions as many others have already. The first three of the 10 questions are:

  1. What is your favorite part about parenting your pre-teen in this stage of her life?
  2. Why do you classify your daughter as creative?
  3. What 3 qualities do you see in your daughter that make you proud of her?

I would love to hear from you and all of your friends! Please share this. I will compile the results and email them to the people who fill it out. You never know how your voice might impact others – even through a simple survey!

Click here to participate in the survey!

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It’s Bigger Than A Dress: Part 3

As a team, we declare that every woman, man and child is valuable, no matter their socioeconomic status, culture, race, age or gender. Every voice, every life, every heart matters. We do not speak for others, we can only hope that our voices (what we say and do) will turn our ears to hear the voices that are hidden, diminished and abandoned.

The boy sent out on the small boat to fish 14 hours a day.

The girl whose manipulative relative visits her room at night for his own pleasure.

The man who is told he must work or his family will be killed.

The woman who gives herself away to pay for the medical needs of her young child.

What you can do:

  1. Recognize the power you have and use it to empower others.
  2. Refuse to use other people to make yourself feel more valuable.
  3. Don’t blame victims.
  4. Believe you have dignity so you can recognize the dignity of every other human being and help them recognize it.
  5. Support – through prayer, relational interaction and finances.

What’s better than raising $1,000 for a cause? Doing it arm in arm with others. Donate through our Dressember team to International Justice Mission and A21 here: #YourVoiceMatters team page.

If you are inspired to donate to another organization fighting human trafficking (there are many!) or to act/think differently, would you let us know? It would be so encouraging for us to hear that our advocacy is making an impact.

Stephanie Sutphin, Wife/Stay-at-home Mom/Lover of crafting

StephanieWhy did you decide to participate in Dressember?

I saw a blog post about Dressember through a friend. I wanted to join in right away! Human trafficking has always been something that deeply bothered me, and learning more about the injustices people are enduring daily made me want to fight for them, do anything I could. I rarely wear dresses and am nursing my baby girl so I knew it would be a challenge for me. That made the choice to participate even more meaningful. I choose to put on a dress every day because there are millions out there who don’t get a choice. I am also making decorating glass candle holders to raise money that are available to buy here: Etsy Candle Holders.

What does the phrase “your voice matters” mean to you?

It never seemed like my voice could matter. I’m not on the front lines with IJM helping people, or even a writer who could raise awareness. Recently I learned that sex slavery is happening in the United States, not just the rest of the world. That really hit me, but I still didn’t see how I could change things. Participating in Dressember has made me feel empowered. My voice does matter. I can make a difference by being an advocate to people who are treated wrongly, by valuing myself and others, and by raising my family to treat every single person they meet with dignity and respect.

Rosanne Moore: Homeschooling Mom of 4, Reading Instruction Specialist, Writer/Editor/Spiritual Director

RosanneWhy did you decide to participate in Dressember?

I think I grew up with the wrong belief that women involved in the sex trade did so as a matter of choice. As I became more involved in ministry that allowed me to sit with women of a variety of backgrounds and hear their stories, I learned about the realities of human trafficking and have prayed for opportunities to do something about it. Since becoming a single mom about 4 years ago, I live with a strong awareness that single mothers in other parts of the world – women who are without my family support and educational opportunities – are incredibly vulnerable to sex trafficking. And as a follower of Jesus and the mother of a daughter, I want to intervene on behalf of victimized girls and women with the same passion that I would want shown by others toward me and my daughter, if we were being harmed. Dressember offers me an opportunity to support my sisters around the world actively.

Andrea made me aware of Dressember last year, and this year, I decided to participate as well. Seeing Andrea’s daughter Amelia involved made my middle school-aged daughter decide to join me. It’s been a stretch for us both as she’s active kid and I haven’t worn dresses much since my kids were born. (I spent too much time on the floor w/ little ones!) However, we’ve both unexpectedly discovered a new freedom to embrace and celebrate our own femininity during this time of solidarity with our sisters around the world.

What does the phrase “your voice matters” mean to you?

There have been some dark seasons in my life during which I surrendered my voice, both with God and others, because I felt powerless and discarded. Believing my voice matters is tied to a greater hope – that no matter what the result of speaking truth looks like in the short-term, in the long-run God hears and answers our cries. He is always at work to make all things new, and when I refuse to be silent in the face of injustice or deception or the status quo of self-interest, I affirm the truth of His character in the midst of circumstances would otherwise call for despair.

Living in the US and having spent some time in a 3rd world country also gives me a sense of responsibility to use the place of blessing that I’ve been given as an opportunity to serve those in far more challenging circumstances. All that we have, both in terms of material possessions and of options unknown to most of the world, are gifts that we can steward for God’s eternal purposes. What a privilege that is!

It’s Bigger Than A Dress: Part 1, Part 2

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You Can Do Hard Things

She walked across the street, brow pursed as she stared at the ground. Our once exuberant 6-year-old threw irritable glances at her brother as soon as she got into the car. I couldn’t figure it out. What was going on at school that made her so upset? She loved kindergarten and the first half of first grade, but as she got into the second semester, her after-school outlook dimmed.

A year later her 2nd grade teacher informed us that she was beginning to lose ground in reading and comprehension. As words got smaller and closer together, she struggled more. Her self-confidence and love for school diminished. That’s when Aaron decided it was time for a more thorough eye exam. IMG_6963We found out that our daughter could see 20/20 when tested, but her eye muscles were working so hard that she easily became fatigued and words began to float on the page. We tried special glasses for a year. Amelia struggled to keep them on and I struggled to remind her. Then last week we went back to the eye doctor and decided it was time for eye therapy: computer-led exercises 20 minutes a day and therapy with the doctor once every 3 weeks.

Do I have what it takes?

My enthusiasm for helping our daughter turned into anxiety as we hit the road for our two hour trip home. How could I possibly motivate her to do exercises that cause her discomfort every day? I haven’t even been able to keep track of her reading log for school or help her stick to a routine for practicing piano. I’m horrid at keeping routines and the kids know it. The dark sky around us loomed as I asked the kids if they had any ideas for how we would fit eye therapy into our day. They seemed as lost and defeated as I felt.

But as we turned onto the interstate, I turned a corner in my mind. I was preparing to speak the next morning about how what we say to ourselves about ourselves is important. I know what it’s like to beat myself down for my lack of a detailed routine and focus. And I know that beating myself down never makes me perform better. Instead, with self-shame I become self-focused and I lose my ability to offer myself to my family. I wanted to search deep for words that are more true than, “I’ll never be able to do this. Other moms would do a better job at providing what my kids need.”

Truer Words

As I searched for truer words, I recalled a phrase I learned from a friend of mine who knows about walking through life, confronting hard things as a mother. I took a deep breath and with Kimberlye Berg’s words in my mind I said, “You know what, kids? We are going to figure this out. We are smart. We are creative. And we can do hard things. We’re going to come up with a plan to fit it all in and we are going to stick to it, even when it gets hard.”

You can do hard things.Something about saying those words changed my perspective. I felt like a grown up. I felt like a mom who refuses to be tossed around by expectations and chooses to serve her family with purpose. And I knew that in order to accomplish our goals for the next few months, our whole family would need to be more intentional about our routine. That which changes one of us must change us all.

The next night I outlined our weekly schedule and determined how to fit in the things we want to accomplish, as well as the things we want to enjoy. It requires me to get up and go to bed much earlier than I prefer. It requires Aaron and I to be more intentional about planning out our work time and family time when we usually prefer to do whatever feels right day-to-day. But you know what? I believe that we can do it. Because we can do hard things when we decide the benefits are worth the sacrifice. We can do hard things for one another.

This morning I woke up at 5:30 and desperately wanted to roll over and go back to sleep. But my determination to lead our kids by example propelled me to the gym so I could come back and start the day with our kids. Even if Amelia doesn’t gain ground in reading, I’m hopeful that she will gain confidence in the next few months and retain an important lesson: “I can do hard things.”

You can too.

What hard things are you facing that you can do? 

Read more about replacing self-shaming words with powerful words in my article for Her View From Home this week: How I Lost and Found My Dignity

Read more about Kimberlye Berg in Book Impact: Schema Of A Soul

Read more about: Vision Therapy

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Why We Go Sledding With The First Good Snow

We awoke this morning greeted by a fresh coat of white, draping over the outside world. The kids don’t have snow boots so we made an early morning run to the store so they could play in the snow at recess and scoop the driveway when they get home. They love shoveling snow. But as we made our way there, an exciting new idea came to them, “Instead of scooping the driveway, can we go sledding after school?!”

A flash of reasons not to go sledding ran through my mind. Today is the first day of Dressember (read about that here), so I will be wearing a dress and I’m not fond of feeling cold. Amelia has a class later this afternoon and going sledding will require a bit of planning ahead so she isn’t late. The kids’ rooms are a mess and they really need to tidy them up. And we’ve been gone for the past few days so I have a lot I need to do. But…

“Yes. Let’s plan on going sledding after school today. See you then!”

Why Say Yes?

You see, over the years I’ve learned something about myself. I have a lot of good intentions, but I tend to have more energy and enthusiasm when they first occur to me than I do as time goes on. If I don’t use my ideas right away, I may not use them later. I used to assume that opportunities are endless and they will present themselves over and over until I am ready to take them.Seize the Dayand Savor the Moments-3

But they don’t. Sometimes life gets busy and days turn into weeks that turn into months before I send that card, track down that friend for coffee or hang that picture. Then a year later I realize that sending the card would feel awkward, the friend moved away and the picture is now out of date. Sometimes there is a beautiful snow on the first day of December and then it doesn’t snow for the rest of the season.

I’m left wishing I had seized the opportunity when it was in front of me.

Of course, I can’t fly by the seat of my pants all of the time. I have responsibilities that I need and want to handle well. I know that packing my schedule and to-do list is not healthy for me. I enjoy planning ahead and coming up with a basic schedule, but I don’t want to be so rigid in my planning that I have no wiggle room when an opportunity arises.

What is most important to me today?

There have been a number of things happen recently to remind me of the fragility of life and how quickly it can all change. I would be in complete denial if I went back to living as though there will always be another opportunity to go sledding with the kids. But I admit that I wouldn’t want to do it every day. Somedays, clean bedrooms and a cozy fire are more important to me than romping up and down a snowy hill with the kids. But somedays they’re not.

What is most important to me today? What do I want in the deepest parts of me? 

Our dear friend and mentor Dale Phillips uses a phrase that is ingrained in our vocabulary now. He and his wife Beth live with a deep awareness of the eternal, while being intensely present in the moment. Aaron and I long to live like that. May we all take Dale’s advice to “seize the day and savor the moments,” whether that leads to messy bedrooms or a snowy hill.

What opportunity will you seize and savor today?

 

 

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Who Needs You To Check Under Their Bed For Monsters?

It was time for bed and my daughter was distraught, “It could happen anywhere!” She overheard the news about Paris that morning and then managed to avoid thinking about it. But when the hubbub of the day calmed at bedtime, she had nowhere to run. Fear chased her down and mocked her. My sweet 8-year-old begged me for a distraction, “What can I do so I don’t have to think about it? I’m too young to know about stuff like this!”

Aren’t we all? I don’t know anyone old enough to be comfortable with the possibility that a gunman could come into a restaurant and take us out while we’re enjoying a glass of wine. And who is mature enough to handle the picture of a real-live human being strapping explosives on their chest and pushing a button that scatters pieces of their insides throughout a crowd of unsuspecting people?

I’m not.

Photo by Daniele Moomey

Photo by Daniele Moomey

I don’t blame my daughter for wanting a distraction.
I totally understand why she feels afraid. In the moment of my daughter’s intense fear, I felt confronted with my own. I know what it’s like to be taunted by the terrifying possibilities of what might happen. I experience it more often than I’d like to admit and all too often I get the feeling that something is chasing me down. In times like those I need a distraction to help bring me back into balance.

But there is an art to the use of distraction.

Distractions are helpful in moments of distress. Sometimes I need to shift my focus so I can stay calm and think clearly. In those moments I need a distraction to help diminish the fear I feel. But when I continue to use them to avoid thinking about painful things altogether, distractions increase my fear.

Because monsters are more frightening when they are hiding under the bed.

So this night when fear was mocking my daughter, I knew what she needed. She needed me to look under the bed – to give her the opportunity to bring her deep doubts, questions and fears into the light so she could see that they aren’t the big monsters she imagined them to be.

“Ask any question you want, Amelia.” The next hour was a beautiful outpouring of real, deep and intense questions. I hardly answered any of them. She didn’t really need answers, nor could she probably have handled it all. She just needed to know that it’s OK to ask the questions.

I savored every moment. When all was said and done I asked, “How did it feel to ask so many tough questions, Amelia?”

“It felt kind of good – you know – not to hold them back.”

Doesn’t it, though?

Holding back or distracting ourselves from the fear of pain isn’t necessarily a bad thing in the moment, until holding-back becomes locking-in. Avoiding. Refusing to be honest with ourselves, God and others. Fear feeds on secrecy and avoidance. So perhaps one of the most merciful things we can do for one another is to invite fear into the light.

Who needs you to check under their bed for monsters?

 

Find a few Words To Say when you’re left speechless. Grab your free mini-eBook today and be the first to know when my book is released.   Click Here

Title –

UNFROZEN: Stop Holding Back and Release The Real You.  
The unexpected path to connected relationships and extraordinary impact.
Fear feeds

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A Short Message for LEADERS

 

I know. I need this message more than anyone else.

There is a place for self-evaluation and growth. But when self-awareness turns into self-deprecation, you turn into someone who JUDGES.

Belittling yourself in front of other people makes you UNSAFE and influences others to believe that it is normal and even good to belittle themselves.

I want to see people grow in their positive impact on the world. I want to see an END to slavery in my lifetime. But my voice is counterproductive to the #enditmovement when it is self-deprecating.

So I’m calling all leaders and all activists and all mothers and fathers and older siblings and anyone who has influence over anyone else…

If you want to be a leader and make a difference in the lives of others, take this to heart:

build up - tear down

Let’s end it.

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Stretch Into Who You Are-Like It’s Your Job

Purpose and calling may not always have a measurable reward. Stay at home parents know exactly what I’m talking about. The day-to-day humdrum of life keeps beating and they keep-on keepin’-on withoutsweetness financial reward or recognition for their often extraordinary efforts to fend off tantrums, sickness and boredom. Some of the most important jobs are not paid.

Over a year ago I desired to spend time on a curriculum on friendship that I’ve been developing for forever. Aaron and I looked at our schedule and decided that I would spend time working on it while our youngest was in preschool. Expending time and energy on it felt self-indulgent until I started thinking of writing as a part-time “job.” We decided to devote job-like time to it because it was that important to us. I wasn’t getting paid to do it, but thinking of it as my job to read, think, write and teach was freeing! It was like stretching out in a big soft bed after having been cooped up in a box – a little bit of pain, a lot of relief.

I don’t know if we really had a choice about how much time I could spend on this sort of thing while the kids were tiny. Though I’m sure I could have, I’m not going to say I should have done it a different way or that anyone who feels boxed up doesn’t have to maintain their responsibilities. I don’t want to turn stretching into running away from responsibilities for me or you. I don’t want to neglect my kids when I’m with them or prioritize writing over my family.

But I do want to prioritize it. I do want to take a hard look at the week and our commitments with my husband and come up with ways that we can each find time to stretch into who we are. The fact is that I am a better mom, wife and friend when I stretch out into these other parts of me.  Most of the time I have more energy, focus and momentum to carry out my responsibilities. And when that happens, my perspective sees beyond the tantrum or barking dogs and I interact knowing that hard moment will pass.

Things that feel self-indulgent might actually help me fulfill my calling as a family girl and a writer.

When my husband and I work together to consider how we want to spend our time, we become mutually invested in each other’s growth and purpose in life.

     Sometimes that means we don’t get what we think we want coming into the conversation because through open discussion we realize we want something else even more – time together, sanity for our partner or maybe just rest. Great team-building conversations are open like that. They aren’t demanding, they seek the best for everyone. Of course, not all of our conversations are like that! But when they are, great things happen for both of us and we strengthen our team.

Tackle It Together: Discussion ideas to explore with someone you love.

1 – What “you” sort of thing would you do if you had more time or energy? How would it help you stretch into who you are so you can offer more of YOU to the world?

2 – What box are you cooped up in? Where is there room to stretch while still maintaining your responsibilities/prioritites? What could you cut so you can add something more important to you? (Sometimes saying “yes” means saying “no” to something wonderful!) What things could you set aside for now or for the evening or for the week?

3 – If you live or work with your loved-one, how can you work together to accomplish other tasks or provide specialized time or encouragement for you to each stretch into who you are? (Maybe it’s 30 minutes, maybe it’s a whole weekend! What works this week, in this stage of life?)

I hope we can look at those we love and with all our hearts be able to say: Stretch into you like it’s your job (even if it’s a very-part-time job). 

like it's your job

What would you do more of if you could call it your job? Let me know in the comments here or on Facebook.

 

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Why I Wear Sunglasses In Wal-Mart, And Perhaps You Should Too

Indications of Sensory Sensitivity

It just happened. We were looking at pictures of the Nebraska State Fair in anticipation of visiting soon when Grant screeched with glee, right in my ear. I don’t know how to describe how disturbing it is for me when loud, sharp noises upset my internal equilibrium. I went from being at complete peace to feeling inner turmoil in an instant. An INSTANT.

This, my friends, is not a an emotional problem. It is not a relational problem. I am not screwed up and neither is my son. It is not a spiritual problem, though I believe everything is spiritual in one way or another. No, this mood-altering screech was a direct hit to my nervous system. It is physical. I am extremely sensitive to sound.

I don’t think I really noticed it before I had kids. Perhaps something happened in childbirth that impacted my nerves in ways that left me more sensitive to sensory stimulation than I was before. (Check out my series on Childbirth and Postpartum Depression by clicking here) I’ve done a lot of personal research on the matter and I absolutely believe that sensory sensitivity is a thing. A real thing. The sounds of chaotic play, startling “bangs” and screeching children can throw me into instantaneous sobs. INSTANTLY.

shadesMaybe I’m Not Crazy

I avoid our local Wal-Mart* as much as I can unless I feel lazy or desperate. I’ve heard of many reasons why different people avoid it but I have one: It makes me crazy.

I am well aquainted with my tendency to become irritable as I shop there but the other day I courageously stepped into the door with both kids and a short mission. I wondered how long I had before I would start to feel overwhelmed. It took all of five minutes. Aware of how bright lights also bother me, I took note of the fact I was squinting as I pushed the cart down the asile of dishes I ducked into a moment before. So I put on my sunglasses.

Instant relief. INSTANT.

The muscles around my eyes relaxed and nothing felt as urgent. I wore the glasses for a few minutes before I felt really awkward and tucked them back in my purse while I rushed through collecting our remaining necessities. As we checked out I looked around and saw narry a smile. I wondered how many of the employees who work there day after day are also sensitive to the harsh light bouncing off of the blue walls, white fixtures and shiny floors? How many people leave this store believing they hate it, not really knowing why?

How Do I Know & What Do I Do?

Friends, many of us are sensitive to sensory stimulation and just think we’re irritable people. Many of your children are and don’t know how to tell you. So let ME tell you.

If you prefer to work with the lights dimmed…

If you think more clearly when music with a strong beat is playing…

If you cut out the tags in your clothes or find comfort in twirling your hair…

You may be sensitive.

If your infant relaxes when listening to loud heart-beat sounds (as described in this article: click here)…

If your daughter likes to wear tight clothing that presses securely on her skin…

If your son refuses to eat foods with strange textures…

Your child may be sensitive.

There is much more to say on this matter, including the power of sensitivity. I will likely be writing about it for years to come. But for now, know this. If you or your child is sensitive to sight, sound, taste, touch or smell, do three things:

  1. Be Aware. Watch for it. Take note of moments when you feel or your child feels irritable or overwhelmed and consider how your environment may be making you uncomfortable. Plan ahead for next time.
  2. Increase Your Buffer. Intentionally stay in your super-comfort zone at times so that other times you can take courageous steps into an overstimulating environment.
  3. Rest. And above all, get sleep! Sleep makes a world of difference.

Are you sensitive? Do you think of yourself as an irritable person at times, perhaps especially after having kids? What steps do you want to take to help yourself or your child?

Maybe we could all just wear sunglasses in Walmart so no one feels awkward!

*I do not intend to ever bash anyone or anything and that is not the purpose of this article. If you know someone who has a voice with Wal-Mart, please forward them this post so they are aware of this issue that negatively effects their company, completely unrelated to their business practices. Thank you.

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The 1 Thing I Hope My Son Remembers From Our Fairy Tale

I wonder if this day marks the beginning of the end of a fairy tale. You may know the one I’m thinking of – the one where the young knight is inflicted with a paralyzing wound that can only be healed by a kiss.

A mother’s kiss.

It’s a fairy tale, but somehow the power of this special magic has instantly stopped end-of-the-world screams for help. It’s completely blocked floodgates of tears on the spot. It’s turned a paralyzed boy on his heals and turned him into a knight ready to fight again.

Today I walked my little guy into kindergarten. My bright, confident, enthusiastic, sensitive boy.FullSizeRender The paperwork I handed his teacher answered the question “What are your concerns?”

I said that I’m concerned he will get upset and think he needs me to be there to comfort him. Sometimes he runs away and hides under our bed when he’s upset. Sometimes he refuses to talk when his feelings are hurt. And mom is the only person he will engage.

But as I sit here this morning, searching for the truth inside my heart, I am realizing I’m not really concerned about all that. Honestly, I’m more concerned that when he gets hurt he will realize he doesn’t need me to be OK. I’m sad that my special magic is sure to lose it’s power as he grows up and into an independent young man.

I don’t know how many times I’ve kissed his boo boos. Probably two a day for 6 years. Let’s see…that would be over 4,000 magical kisses. That’s a lot of power for one person to wield.

It’s a lot of power to hand back.

I’m guessing my kissing-booboo-days are numbered. I will take his cue to know when it’s time to settle for a hug, to stay in my seat when he falls on the field, to bless him when he finds someone else to adore.

He may forget my kisses, but I pray that his heart will always remember the power of a loving, tender connection in life’s most difficult moments. And I pray he will use that knowledge to fight for the hearts of others with all of his bright, confident, enthusiastic, senstive self.

 

For more about this topic click here: (What The “Movie Move” Means To a 5 Year Old)