Toxic Feedback vs. Transforming Dialogue with Jessica Van Roekel

Episode 125

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Jessica Van Roekel is a writer and speaker who works directly with our clients and client teams to help them find their own voice of influence and develop that.

In this episode, we talk about why it’s important that feedback we get and give is shared in a respectful dialogue instead of a blanket statement of judgment, what she believes is a voice of influence, the importance of choosing a coach or adviser who honors your perspective and inner voice, her experience being a participant in one of the very first Voice of Influence six-month group coaching programs, why that particular program made such a difference for her, and what she loves about helping and working with clients now.

Take a listen to the episode below!

Mentioned in this episode:

Transcript

Hey, hey!  It’s Andrea, and welcome to the Voice of Influence podcast.  Today, I am interviewing somebody who is actually on the Voice of Influence team.  Jessica Van Roekel is a writer, a speaker, and she works directly with our clients and client teams to help them find their own voice of influence and develop that.

I’m really excited to introduce you to her today.  You’re going to hear the passion, love, and care that she has in her voice.  And I’m excited for you to hear what she has to say about her own journey because she shares with us her journey, and in the midst of sharing with us about her journey, we talk about why it’s important that feedback that we get and that we give is really of respectful dialogue instead of a blanket statement of judgment.

We also talk about what she believes is a voice of influence and how helping people come to their own conclusions is a big piece of it.  We talk about the importance of choosing a coach or adviser who really honors your perspective and your inner voice. She shares with us her experience from being a participant in one of the very first Voice of Influence six-month group coaching programs and why that particular program and something in that program really made a difference for her.  And then finally, we really talk about what she loves about helping and working with clients now.

Now, if you are interested in any of the things that we talk about today, and you want to dive in more – you want to learn more about Jessica, you want to learn more about how you could work with her, with Voice of Influence to help your people gain what she has gained to grow in their management skills, to grow as a leader and a person who really does have a voice of influence on your team – then we would love to talk to you more about that.  Just go to voiceofinfluence.net, go to the contact form, and you will be emailing me to let me know that you’re interested. I’d be happy to jump on a call with you and find out more about what you need and what your people are looking for, what you’re looking to develop in your team. And we’ll just sort of discuss about how we could potentially help you with that. It’s a very low-pressure conversation, and I really love hearing from listeners.

So, go over to voiceofinfluence.net, hit that contact button, and shoot me an email.  I’d love to hear from you.

All right, this is my interview with Jessica:

Andrea:  All right, Jessica, it is great to have you with me here today on the Voice of Influence podcast.

Jessica Van Roekel:  Thank you so much.  I am thrilled to be here with you.

Andrea:  Okay!  I really have been looking forward to this conversation with you because you are such a light, and you are a joyful person.  You know, I feel like we just really kind of connect, and we have this mutual passion for helping people find their voice and making a difference in the world.  You’re just such a joy to have around, so I really have been looking forward to this.

Jessica Van Roekel:   Thank you, I appreciate those sentiments.  That’s my goal in life is to connect with people and to help them find joy and to see light.  So thank you.

Andrea:  So, Jessica, let’s start with why does helping people find their voice, why does this matter to you personally.  What’s your experience with that?

Jessica Van Roekel:  My experience with helping people find their voice and why that’s important to me stems from the fact that I have always wanted to influence people.  I’ve always wanted to encourage them and to let them know that they’re heard and that they’re accepted. I’ve always tried to be open-minded and receptive of other people.  And I had an incident where a friend of mine – we’d been friends for several years – and she sent me an email stating how I wasn’t those things, and that froze me for a couple of years.

Andrea:  So the feedback that you were not who you thought you were just kind of…

Jessica Van Roekel:  The feedback that I was not who I thought I was just literally locked me.  I would go places and I would be afraid to speak up, or if I did speak up, I would run that conversation over and over in my mind for days after and think that if someone looked away while I was talking meant that what I said was wrong.  And it just sent me into this mental tailspin of really wondering, “Can I influence people? Am I influencing people? Do I even have a right to influence people?” And then at the same time feeling indignant like, “I have a right to my voice; why can’t I use my voice?  How can I use my voice in a way that is influential and why wasn’t it influential with this person?” I dealt with two simultaneous responses; afraid and indignation.

Andrea:  Let me just ask the question first and then you can answer it.  Why do you think that that bothered you so much? Why do you think her feedback specifically bothered you so much?

Jessica Van Roekel:  Because I felt like that’s who I was.  I felt like I was open-minded and grace-filled and light-filled and a good listener and an acceptor of all people, and she was telling me that I wasn’t.

Andrea:  So it was like you couldn’t trust yourself anymore?

Jessica Van Roekel:  It felt like I couldn’t trust myself anymore.  It felt like I couldn’t trust my motives. It felt like I had been misrepresenting myself my entire life.

Andrea:  Wow, so everything’s kind of just like the rug has been pulled out from under you.

Jessica Van Roekel:  Yes, yes, it felt like the rug was pulled out from under me, and I was left just disoriented.  And yet at the same time I knew that I was a good encourager, and I knew that I could influence people.  I didn’t know quite what to do with her response, so I shut down.

Andrea:  So, as you are struggling with this, what were some of the feelings that came up for you?

Jessica Van Roekel:  Doubt, doubt in my own voice, my own ability to affect positive change in people’s lives.  Distrust of other people and myself. An almost Gumby-like personality where I will form myself into the shape for this person, and I will twist myself into the shape for this other person.

  I felt indignation too because I felt like this one incident gave that person so much power over my life; whether I did or did not do, or whether I spoke up for the good of another person to encourage them.  I was afraid to encourage people. I was afraid to speak life into them. I was afraid to bring joy to them. I was afraid to connect with people because if I connected with somebody and I didn’t influence them just right, they would reject me, and I would have that rug pulled out from under my feet and land with a thud and feel broken.

Andrea:  You know, I really want to get to the fact that you did kind of get out of that.  But before we go there, what could have made the feedback something that instead of taking away that voice or making you feel like you shouldn’t speak anymore – making you feel frozen – how could that person have offered feedback in a way that would be more constructive or… yeah, what do you think about that?

Jessica Van Roekel:  I think questions rather than accusations or just blanket statements.  The problem I really believe why that bothered me so very much is the fact that I didn’t even have a chance to explain myself or to have a part of the discussion.  It was as if she had come to this decision, it was made, and I had no say in that decision. We couldn’t even have a conversation, so I couldn’t even ask questions, “Well, what did I do that caused you to come to this?”

So for me to have received a harsh message like that, [it] would have been better if we could have had a dialogue about it where instead of a blanket statement being made, “You are graceless and judgmental, ” this person could have said, “Why did you react this way?  This way made me feel this way.” And then I could have maybe had an opportunity to step back and think, “Oh, I guess I can see where that would have come across that way. Let’s talk about this.” But that didn’t happen. The decision was made. She had come to this decision, and I was not allowed into that conversation.

Andrea:  I find that really, really interesting, Jessica, because really it sounds like a judgment was passed on you.  And rather than there being this dialogue back and forth of, “Help me to grow in this,” and take your perspective and understand where you’re coming from – from both sides – just a blanket judgment was passed which then you felt…  I can see how you would feel like your voice was taken from you in that moment.

Jessica Van Roekel:  Yes, I felt, “Oh, my voice wasn’t allowed into this conversation.  There must be something that I’m doing that caused her to come to this judgment.  I don’t know what it is because we are not able to have a respectful dialogue. So maybe I just should not say anything at all.  Maybe I just need to shut my mouth and become this little church mouse in the corner.” And if you know me, you know that that’s not the type of person I am.  So, it’s really two years of an enforced cage that I put myself in, and I didn’t enjoy it.

Andrea:  Okay, so how did you get out of it?  How did you get out of this cage?  

Jessica Van Roekel:  How did I get out of the cage?  The first step was the indignation overcame the reticence that I had wrapped around myself, and I decided – or I came to the awareness – that I was allowing this one situation, this one person so much power in my life, and they weren’t even in my life anymore.  And I thought, “What am I doing?” So, I just decided, “I’m going to take baby steps.” So, I started writing. I started writing publicly. I started encouraging people again. I started trusting myself again, trusting that if I am on the wrong path I’ll just be shown, and I’ll do a redirection.  And along in that journey then it led me to meeting people like you who specialized in helping people find their voice. So then I signed up for your Voice of Influence Academy.

Andrea:  I love this story so much, and I want to talk about the Voice of Influence Academy eventually, but do you feel like you got there?  Do you feel like you got to where you want to go, or where are you at in this journey now of finding your voice and using it?

Jessica Van Roekel:  I feel like I am so far down the road.  I can talk about that incident now without feeling anger or fear.  I believe that I am making a difference in people’s lives. I hear that I am.  And the ones that don’t want to receive my influence, I don’t let that put me into that box again.  I am aware that when I let fear motivate me, I react, and I don’t have influence. But when I let love motivate me and the care and concern for others motivate me and their hearts and minds and lives, that’s what I’m most influential.

So, for me, I feel like I am much further down this and that I use my voice to influence people in a way that serves them and isn’t self-serving to myself.  I think that that can be a little bit of a rub in the fact that there have been times where I’ve influenced people, thinking, “I know, I’ve got the answer for them.”  That’s rather self-serving, and it’s rather prideful as well. I think it’s a little bit of self-serving because notice that I have the answer for them. I know what they should be doing.  I know the exact thing that’s going to make them feel better or have a different perspective or make better choices. I’m not the one that does that. I’m just a tool used so that they can come to those conclusions on their own.

Andrea:  And that is so important.  All right, so, Jessica, what do you see as a voice of influence now?  At this point in your journey and having gotten to the point where you are actually helping other people develop their own voice of influence, what do you see as a voice of influence now?

Jessica Van Roekel:  A voice of influence now, I see it as letting go of the outcome, not being responsible for the outcome.  I see it as pointing people in a direction that maybe they hadn’t really thought about before and letting them come to the conclusion on their own.  A voice of influence is not about control, a voice of influence is about affecting positive change in someone else’s life. For me, personally, it’s not about, you know, having them circle back around and tell me, “Uh, that statement, that advice you gave me, that’s exactly what I needed to hear.”  I love to hear that – and I mean, I really love to hear that – and I would love it if everybody would just come circle back around to me and say, “Jessica, I love what you had to say, it made this massive difference in my life.” Yeah, who wouldn’t want to hear that, right?

But I’m learning that I don’t need to have that to still have a voice of influence.  That I can be outward focused enough while being sure of my own inner voice that I can just influence people, and then let them take it.  It’s their life. It’s not my life to control. And if they want to come back around and tell me how that piece of advice made all the world of difference in their life, or if me taking some time out of the day to just listen to them helped them regain focus, I would love to hear that.  But I don’t have to hear that to offer my voice of influence to the world.

Andrea:  That’s so important.  That validation is certainly helpful, and I think we need a lot of it when we’re first starting.  But it seems that as we become more clear and more confident of how we interact, and how we use our voice, and our own inner voice, and using that in the world that we need that validation less and less because we’re ready, we’re confident of what we’re offering.  And it doesn’t mean that we’re right all the time, but at least we can recognize that, “Sure, there are gonna be times when I’m wrong, and as long as I’m open to this person, you know, sort of coming to their own conclusion,” as you put it, “then there’s less to own.”

Jessica Van Roekel:  Yes, yes.  And the less that we have to own, the less crushing underneath burdens that are not ours to bear.

Andrea:  And we’re not as tied to that outcome because it doesn’t have a direct effect on how we see ourselves and our value.

Jessica Van Roekel:  Yes, yes.  Now, on the flip side we could be totally callous and be like, “This is my voice, and this is how I’m gonna use it, and you can take it or leave it.”  I don’t think that’s how we need to be either. That’s just as self-serving as the other way of trying to have our fingers in every single outcome. And so there needs to be this merging of being solid and secure, and know our inner voice, and how we’ve chosen to use that interact with other people.  And not in a way that says, “This is who I am, you know, if you don’t like me you just go into that corner and just be over there.” That doesn’t serve anybody either. Just like hovering, “Okay, I gave you this piece of advice and you didn’t take it. Well, why not? You need to do what I said. What I said was the best advice you’re ever gonna receive.”  Both of those don’t serve the greater goal that I think we all have and that is to have genuine authentic influence in someone’s life.

Andrea:  I love that.  You know, something that I’ve been thinking about for a while is the way that coaches in particular – coaches or people who give advice or, you know, want to have some sort of specific influence on somebody else’s life, but I’ve seen this in coaches a lot – where they sort of end up taking away the voice of the other person instead of helping them find their own voice because they know that their way is the way that this person should go.  Whether that be, “This specific model that I use. It’s all about your mind and your mindset. It’s all about your body and the way that you feel things.” You know, each person kind of comes to the coaching or the advice-giving process with a perspective or a world view and their own personal experience.

And a lot of times what we do is we end up projecting our own experience on everybody else, and then assuming that we have the right way of doing things.  I know it always comes down to this. I’ve heard that before, “Well, it always ends up being about mindset.” I’ve heard this from people and I’m like, “But it’s not always just about mindset.”  We’re very integrated, complicated human beings, and we all need to have kind of a holistic approach to the way that we’re looking at things, but especially when we’re talking about how to guide somebody else or help them find their path when they’re looking for a way to do things.  In the end, they have to feel like they’re doing what they feel is what they should do, not just what somebody else has told them to do.

Jessica Van Roekel:  Absolutely, absolutely.  We are such unique individuals, and we can have the same goals, same priorities, or same standards; but how each of us reaches those is going to be unique to who we are, to our voice, to our past experiences, to our current life circumstances, and to our future hopes and dreams.  That all has to be taken into play when someone enters into a coaching experience.

Andrea:  Absolutely.  All right, so let’s dive into a little bit.  You actually do work with clients for Voice of Influence, and you help them to find their voice.  You help them in various ways whether it be through workshops speaking, or one-on-one conversations, group coaching; what do you specifically enjoy about working with clients?

Jessica Van Roekel:  I love walking them through their Fascinate Report.  I love hearing the excitement in their voice.

Andrea:   Let’s make sure that the listener knows what the Fascinate Report is and actually, we’ve talked about this quite a bit on the podcast before, but it’s been a while.  So, just so you know, the Fascinate Report is something that we use at scale with teams because it’s really simple to take, and it’s simple to understand people. It’s remarkably accurate, and it really focuses on one’s unique way of influencing and your voice.  So, as you were saying, you really enjoy walking people through this report.

Jessica Van Roekel:  Yes, I do a one-on-one conversation with each person that has taken this report, and we’ll spend the first few minutes just talking about the results from their report.  And it is so fun to hear them say, “I can’t believe how accurate this,” or “Wow, this describes me to a T. I can’t believe that this quick little evaluation was able to really declare and to describe who I am.”  That is really exciting to me.

And then it’s also really fun to hear them in their own voice then say, “Yeah, I’ve seen this trait happen, you know, a few weeks ago or yesterday.  This is what I’ve done,” and they’ll tell me a story about the fact that they are really creative thinkers. And so they’ll pull out their stories from their own life as an example of how this adjective or this description really fits them.  And then what we get to do is we get to take that report and then help them come up with an anthem, which an anthem is who they are when they’re at their best. What they’re going to bring to the table, it’s their adjective and their noun, and we get to come up with this.

But what I love the most is that in my last set of interviews, I had three people that had the same archetype on the Fascinate Assessment.  In the Fascinate Assessment, you have seven advantages that combine to make forty-nine different archetypes. And what was so unique is that they each came up with their own unique anthem, and I found that to be so fascinating that these three people that came up with the same archetype had their own individual anthem.  That excited me to see them come to that conclusion and say, “Okay, this is what I bring to the table. This is what my voice is in this company.”

Andrea:  That’s super exciting, and I know that people really enjoy talking with you.  So, it’s fun to hear about that. Now, let’s move to the Voice of Influence six-month group coaching program.  You were part of the first group of people or one of the first groups of people, anyway, to go through this group coaching program.  So, let’s talk about that for a minute. There are six subjects that are covered in that program. For the listeners, I just want you to know, these are the six subjects; your Purpose, your Style, your Mission, your Offering, your Strategy, and your Community.  And as we go through the program, you get a sense of all these things for yourself. You sort of define them. You apply them to your life, and then you figure out what you’re going to do about it, what is the actual practical application.

So, Jessica, when it came to you and when you first took this course that now you help lead, what was one of the subjects that really made a difference for you?

Jessica Van Roekel:  Subject to style made a huge difference for me.  That’s the subject that really kind of delved into the Fascinate Assessment, and it’s almost as if that subject… things started to coalesce.  They started to come together. All of these random thoughts that I had about myself and my past interactions with other people and why in some instances, they were successful and why in other instances, they were just a dismal failure.  And I just fell flat on my face, just splat, and other times I was like, “Wow that was amazing!” It was almost like this subject under style, it’s almost like all of a sudden, all those situations… the dots started connecting. It started connecting and that to me was super exciting.

Andrea:  Why does that matter, do you think, for a person when they want to find their voice of influence?

Jessica Van Roekel:  We often take a look at ourselves in the light of, “This is how I see the world,” and the Fascinate Assessment is different and in fact say, “This is how the world sees you.”  And sometimes, we see ourselves through a jaded lens or we see ourselves through our own past experiences, whether positive or negative, and that can cloud the judgment of ourselves.  That at times we don’t rightly render correct judgments about who we are; whether it’s someone that said that aspect of your personality is wrong, or it’s too loud, or too quiet, or we decide that for ourselves based on how we think people have responded to us.

And subject number two is mostly about your style, and how your identity and your voice and all of that works together to see that this is how people see me when I’m at my best really validated a part of my heart that wasn’t so sure was an okay part of my heart or part of myself.  And so for me, it gave me a sense of release. It gave me a sense of freedom that, “Oh, that social thing that I do, that’s okay. You mean, thinking out of the box, that’s a benefit to other people?” For me, it was just really freeing. It was like “Okay, okay, maybe this is gonna work.  Maybe if I start instead of shoving that voice in a closet where it kind of…”

You know how when you’re a kid, and you play this game with your sibling – you’re not really playing a game, you’re fighting with them – and you shove them in the closet, and then they’re trying to get out?  The person inside the closet or the bedroom door, they’re trying to pop that door open, and the other siblings on the other side just pushing that door shut. So, you hear this bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, and it’s almost like that voice, that catalyst that’s in me was on the inside of that door – bang, bang, bang – trying to get out and something – whether it was my own wrong judgment myself or maybe it was other people’s misinterpretation or misunderstanding of me or combination of all of that – was on the other side of that door trying to hold that shut.

And when I went through this subject about style, it was like that door just got busted wide open.  I’m like, “I am setting her free. It is okay. We’ll figure out all this other stuff of why I’m a flop in some situations, but for right now we’re going to teach this voice how to walk.”

Andrea:  Oh gosh, I love that.  You know, I’ve noticed with this particular assessment and working with people on it, that usually people either feel like, “Oh good I get to be released in this who I am,” or it’s, “I feel bad, I’m sort of, like, I’m bragging about myself if I admit that I am this person.”  And what’s interesting to me about this – and I’ve talked about this before on the podcast – is that both of those statements have to do with how we’re judging ourselves and each other. And we’re sort of placing a certain kind of personality, or a way of influence, or that sort of thing…

And we’re sort of placing a certain kind of personality above or below other kinds of personalities and seeing some as being more valuable, seeing others as being more problematic when in truth each one could be super valuable.  And there are things about our personalities that are problematic for everybody. One of the things that we don’t shy away from is admitting that, yes, there are some weaknesses here that you’re going to have to navigate. And the fact that this piece of your voice is a strength is also… you need to understand it can be a strength for good, or it can be a strength for hurting people.

So, to come to an awareness of, “Okay, how can I use this in a strong way that is going to actually benefit other people instead of hurting them, or hurting my cause, or whatever?”  That’s a really powerful moment for people, so it’s fun to hear you talk about your own experience with that.

Jessica Van Roekel:  Yes.  Thank you.  I just still get giddy thinking about it, and I do believe that those times when I went flop, flat on my face, you know, I know what was happening.  Double trouble creates trouble. That’s just what happens.

Andrea:  When your personality becomes so strong, and you’re motivated from more of a fear and you are insecure, or there’s stress that’s pushing you to the limits, it’s pretty hard to not come across with your strength in a negative way.

Jessica Van Roekel:  That’s right.  Every strength or every negative can be flip-flopped.

Andrea:  Yeah, so important for people to understand and see and know how to navigate that.  We’re not bound. We’re not stuck in a closet, we can emerge powerful and strong and yet also loving, and that is a huge piece of being a voice of influence.  So, in that in that six-month group coaching program, you and I were talking about how there’s sort of two different halves to this program. Can you tell the audience about the two different halves, and why that matters?

Jessica Van Roekel:  Okay, so the two different halves, the first half is really a lot of inner reflection.  It’s about diving deep into your mission, what motivates you, your style, your purpose; all of this has to be worked out internally inside first before it can be applied.  So we take the first half of the group coaching program, and we dive deep inside ourselves and really do some reflection and thinking. And then we take that information, and we move into the second half of the group coaching program where we begin to practice.  Like I said earlier, we teach our voice how to walk, and we dive through, and we figure out how we can apply our strengths in a positive way to influence others.

So, there’s strategy, and there’s how we interact with the people that we are working with.  That’s how the group program is split up. It’s inward, and then once we have that inward settled, we then move outward.

Andrea:  Yes.  And I will say that it’s not that you can’t combine the two, but that is sort of the focus.  Because this is a group coaching program, because this is a specific kind of way that we are… you know, a path that we’re guiding people down, we do focus on that inner work first.  So that is a very helpful description. Thank you for that, Jessica.

And one of the things that we focus on is strategic thinking and increasing somebody’s ability to think in terms of, “Where are we, where we’re trying to go, and then how do we get there?”  That’s one of the things that really comes out in that second half as well as, “How do we apply my voice? How does my voice impact my specific community? Whether that be these are the people that I am around and these are the different roles that I play, but these are also the roles that other people play in my life.”

And to be clear on those, so that we don’t get too confused about how we speak to whom because that matters, context matters with our voice.  And we have to understand that, yes, though we can be authentic at any point and time with anybody in any situation, we’re still very complicated, and we have the ability to really think about who we’re speaking with and how to interact with that specific person.  So, it’s important to kind of get a sense of how to apply one’s voice in different situations and different roles and contexts.

So, Jessica, as we’re wrapping up this conversation, I would like to ask you to consider and to share with the audience what is maybe one specific thing or piece of advice that you would have for somebody who really would like to have a voice of influence?

Jessica Van Roekel:  Let me just take a minute to think about that answer.  Okay, my piece of advice for someone who’s looking for a way to develop their voice of influence is to be willing to get uncomfortable to be comfortable.  And what I mean by that is that so often we shy away from doing the inner work, and we just focus on the behavior. But in order for behavior to truly change and to truly make a difference in someone else’s life, we have to know what’s going on on the inside, and that can be uncomfortable.  But uncomfortable doesn’t mean wrong or bad, it just means uncomfortable. We’re just doing some hard work. But the benefits of doing that is going to make the actionable behaviors long-lasting and influential beyond what we can really even imagine. And then secondly… can I give two pieces of advice?

Andrea:  Sure, sure!  That was great, by the way.  I love that.

Jessica Van Roekel:  Have fun.  Have fun. It’s fun to really discover the power of your voice to influence others and not in a smarmy, manipulative kind of way, but in a way that is affecting good change and good benefits for someone else, or your company, or the greater good, or whatever it is that you’re involved in.  Have fun because it’s just so much fun! That’s all. You can cut that part out, but it’s just fun.

Andrea:  No, I love it!  I love it! I don’t know that anybody’s ever said the word smarmy on the podcast before, and it just makes me smile.  That’s hilarious! I love it! So, Jessica, where can people find you? Where can they find your blog and connect with you online, specifically?

Jessica Van Roekel:  My blog is welcomegrace.com.  I couldn’t use my name because most people can’t spell it and/or pronounce it, so, welcomegrace.com.  It’s a place where I encourage others in their walk with the Lord; I am a Christian and have found that all of us have pasts or pieces of our past that want to derail our present and affect our future.  And I come from a stance where, “You know what, yes, your pasts matter. It did happen to you, but it doesn’t have to derail you.” So, I write from a place where our personal histories don’t have to define our present or determine our future.

So, I can be found there, and then I also freelance at crosswalk.com, and ibelieve.com, and then I’m on Facebook and Instagram, Jessica Van Roekel.

Andrea:  And Jessica, we’ll be sure to link to those places in our show notes.   So, you can find our show notes at voiceofinfluence.net. And at voiceofinfluence.net, you can also request information about how you can potentially have a conversation with Jessica.  We have a contact form on our website, and there you can just let us know that you’re interested in connecting with Jessica.

Maybe you’re interested in doing some coaching with Jessica or perhaps even this group coaching program for your company, you know, managers, whatever it might be, and you can message us there at voiceofinfluence.net, connect with us.  We’d be happy to schedule a call and talk with you more about those possibilities.

So, Jessica, thank you so much for being a voice of influence for our listeners today and for our clients.  We just really, really appreciate you!

Jessica Van Roekel:  Thank you so much!  It’s been a pleasure and a blast talking with you!

How to Discern Your Calling Without Feeling Pressure (Greatest Hits) with Andrea Joy Wenburg

Episode 124

Have you ever looked at someone you admire and felt pressured to be like them, do things the way they do, or feel what they feel?

Where does this pressure come from? Yourself?

How much do you judge yourself based on what you admire about that person?

I want to help you stop the judgments and instead focus on what it is about that person that you resonate with. What is that person awakening in you?

In this episode, I’m going to provide some insights that will help you do this; including why I personally believe that comparing ourselves to others isn’t always a bad thing.

Take a listen to the episode below!

Mentioned in this episode:

 

Play here (the red triangle below), on iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn Radio (Amazon Alexa) or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Transcript

Hey, hey!  It’s Andrea, and welcome to the Voice of Influence podcast!

Today, we’re going to be talking about Pressure, the pressure to feel like you ought to be or do something in particular that somebody else is or does or says that you should do.

I want you to imagine someone in your mind who you really admire.  You admire them for the way that they are, for who they are, or for something that they do.  I have a feeling that there’s somebody in your life that you really admire.  So just take a minute and think about them and I’ve got a question for you.

And I’ve got a question for you, first of all, what do you admire about them?  What is it that comes to mind?  You love the way that they do this.  You wish that you could do that.  You see something in their life that looks so attractive that you really wish that it could be something that you had to.

On a scale of 1to 10, how much do you judge yourself based on what you admire in this other person?  So when these things come to mind, these things that you really like about them, how much do you judge yourself based on that?

So one would be “Oh, I really don’t judge myself at all.  I’m not saying that I’m worse or better than them, I just really admire this about them.”  And then on the other side would be a 10 where you completely determine your own value based on how much you are able to do or not do the things that you admire about that person.  So my guess is that you’re somewhere in the middle, most of us are.  Hopefully you’re not too high up at the top like a 10.

But let’s just be honest with ourselves for a minute here.  How much time do you spend comparing yourself and then judging yourself based on other people in your life?  Or maybe not in your life but maybe on a podcast or in a book or online, some place, or somebody that you admire?  How much time do you spend on that?

Now, here’s the thing.  I’ve talked about some of these things that we’re going to talk about today before.  But today, I really would like to focus on taking the pressure off.  There’s so much pressure on each of us that we put on ourselves most of the time, but sometimes it comes from other people and we accept that pressure to be or do something like someone else.  And it can feel like we’re less than other people because we know that we’re not good at this particular thing.

So let’s take an example, because I realize that you may be thinking to yourself “Well, I don’t think that way,” but the truth is maybe you do.  And maybe you don’t need to listen to this episode or maybe you don’t and you should listen to this episode so that you can help others.

But think about that because we each have these people in our lives that we admire.  And I think that’s OK, because there’s a difference between admiring somebody even comparing ourselves with them.  I don’t think comparison is really the enemy because comparison can help us differentiate.  Comparison can help us to understand how we are uniquely different and how they are uniquely different and how we can work together in our differences.

So comparison in and of itself I don’t think is the problem.  What becomes a problem is when we judge ourselves or we judge other people based on that comparison.  So we start to feel bad about ourselves or we start to feel high and mighty about ourselves because we have compared ourselves to someone else.  So that’s something to really think about because comparison isn’t the enemy, judgment is.

OK, so the next piece of this is that you can admire somebody and that can turn into that self condemnation or a race to beat that person or to try to become that person or become elements of that person.  Maybe they have a really clean house and you don’t have a clean house.  And so you feel like crap all the time and you keep trying to pick your house up and you never quite get it like this other person does.

I would definitely be that person who does not clean her house very well.  I try, I try, but it’s not very often super clean or super put together.  So it would be easy for me to look at somebody’s house who is super clean or super put together.

I think, even for me, this is one thing that I noticed about myself is that I admire, really admire people whose houses are so, I think put together would be the way to put it, where they have an intentional reason for all these little things that are in their house and things have a place and they don’t have a lot of clutter and things like this.  I really admire that.  It’s something that I would like to get better off for myself.

But here’s what can happen in situations like this, we could look at that person that we admire and say “Oh man, I don’t even wanna be around that person,” or “I don’t wanna be in their house because it reminds me of how bad I am at that.”  Does that sound familiar to you at all?  Are you trying to avoid somebody because you admire them so much and it’s just feels like this is in your face all the time that you’re not what you wish you could be?  If that’s the case, I’m really sad to hear that because I don’t think it has to be like that.

I think that we can admire somebody and allow it to just be that like “Wow, I just have such an appreciation for you and what you’re able to do.  I have appreciation for this well put-together house,” without putting a lot of pressure on yourself to ever become that.  Maybe you can be inspired by it, maybe you can say “Hi, I wonder if you have any tips for me,” without feeling the pressure to become what they are, to get your house to the point at their houses.

And when I’m talking about pressure, I’m really talking about, I think you know that feeling that “Huh, I just feel like I’m supposed to be like that.  I’m not, so I feel bad about myself and so I don’t want to think about it.  I don’ wanna be around them.  I need to try harder.”  That’s pressure, and I don’t think that’s necessary.

So another way to look at this is to see people that you admire and realize that maybe they actually have tapped into something, they’re good at something that you actually do want to be good at.  I mean, not just want to.  I’m not saying you should be good at it.  I’m saying like you feel awakened when you see them do their thing.  You feel like something inside of you has just awakened, is inspired, is motivated and is saying “Huh I do want to be like that.”

So I could tell you that from my personal experience besides the house thing that through the years when I was growing up and in my young adult life, whenever I would watch a speaker onstage, I would think to myself or an author, I would think to myself “Man, I really wish I could be like that.”  I really admire them and if I did really admire somebody, I’d be feeling like “Oh gosh, why isn’t it not me up there?”  That sort of thing and that could easily turn into pressure.

It could easily turn into “Well, I need to do what they’re doing,” or I feel like such a failure because they’re younger than me and they have more success in this area.  That could easily turn into a pressure.  And that’s something that I think that we really need to turn off.

We need to take that pressure off of ourselves and say “No, I don’t need to judge myself based on my comparison with that person just because they’re younger than me, or just because they have more followers than me or they seem to have a bigger impact than I do for whatever reason.

Instead of judging yourself based on that, could you allow yourself to be awakened to what might be a calling for you?  So for me when I would see these speakers and authors and things, I would think “Oh gosh!  Oh, I really do want that!”  It was like I felt called to it.  Like I felt I really truly wanted it, not so much that I felt like I should be that or that I should have what they have but then I wanted it.

I think that when we talk about comparison as being a bad thing, the danger of that is that we start to turn off all of our abilities to think critically about how we are different and what we should be.  So instead of being honest about the fact that we have a desire, we try to turn it off because we start to feel bad.  We feel this pressure and we start to feel bad and so we turn off the comparison and we kind of know more ourselves to that comparison because we know what it has done to us in the past.

Maybe you have felt a lot of pressure.  I don’t want to feel that pressure, so I’m just going to avoid it or I’m going to _____ it.  I’m going to say, “I don’t care.”  Kids do this all the time, don’t they?  “I don’t care,” or when we’re self-critical, we try to beat people to the punch and say, “I’m an idiot.”  I’ve said that to myself before.  I try to beat people to the punch because I don’t want somebody else say that about me because I feel like I should be something different.

So we do these things that distract us from what’s truly in our hearts what might be an actual calling, a desire to actually move towards something.  So if you’re somebody, who, like me, sees people who are writing books and out there speaking or maybe an entrepreneur or maybe they are just somebody who seems like they have it together for this or that and you feel awakened to a desire inside of you.  That is different than feeling pressured to become what somebody else says.

So instead of turning it off, avoiding it off, or avoiding that person, get down to asking yourself, “What is it that I’m feeling awaken to?  What excites me about this, about where they are and what they’re doing?  What doesn’t?”  This is where you get to compare yourself.  This is where you get to do that comparison.  You’re not saying that they are better or worse than you are.  No, no, we’re not judging here.  What you’re doing is you’re doing some discerning about your own calling.

I went to this talk and this person got up there and he spoke and he just awakened something inside of me.  And for a split second, I felt bad about where I’m at right now but then I remembered that, “No, this isn’t about feeling pressured, this is about finding what I desire, finding out what I really feel called to.”

So let’s ask myself these questions, “Self, what do I feel called to then?  What is so exciting to me about what I’m seeing?  What was awakened inside of me, a desire for what?  What piece of this or what pieces of these just really energized me?  And perhaps what doesn’t?  What something about this that I’m not excited about?”

And that’s OK.  It’s OK to admit that as well, “You know what, I don’t really like that they did this because I would do it differently.”  That doesn’t mean that you’re judging them.  That means that you’re trying to figure out what your voice is, you’re trying to figure out what you are called to and then allow them to be who they are.

So a few months ago, I spoke at a conference in Las Vegas and I just had a few minutes onstage but it was so _____.  I had such a blast because I love the stage.  If you read UNFROZEN, my book, you know I love the stage.  I felt guilty about it for a long time like I shouldn’t love it.  And then I realized over the years I kind of come to terms with the fact that it’s OK for me to love being onstage.

So when I got up there in front of a 150 people or so, I just got up there and owned it.  I felt like I was owning the stage and afterwards the conference organizers had everybody do a little survey.  And so on the survey, they asked different questions like from a scale of 1 to 5, how engaging was this presenter?  From scale of 1 to 5, how much did you learn and that sort of thing.  And I got to take home all of these surveys.

So I went through and on my way home, I calculated all the responses.  And really they calculations were really high.  I actually got some really good responses between 4 and 5 for everything.  But there were a few individual responses, and one in particular, he was so critical.  One person, you could tell who did not like me.  And they didn’t feel like they learned anything because I talked about the same thing that they do.  OK, fair enough.  They did not like the way I was dressed.  We’re talking like they’re giving me a 1 or whatever.

They felt like I was acting onstage which nobody else did but they did.  You know things like these, and I was just like “Oh my goodness, this person is like really, really critical.”  And this is what I think that we do when we are comparing and judging at the same time.  I think that we look at somebody else and say, “I wouldn’t do it like that.”  And so we mark them down in our minds and that instead of saying, “This was effective,” or “This wasn’t effective for me,” or “This wasn’t effective for me but I think it would be effective to these other people.”

So if you’re in that position where you’re looking at somebody and you’re saying, “I really admire them but I really don’t like this and I really do like that.”  Well, you don’t have to put judgment on it.  You can say, “This is really effective for me.  This would be really effective for the audience I want to reach.  This would be really effective but this other thing maybe I didn’t like it and I wouldn’t do it, but maybe it would reach somebody else.”

My tendency is to always be looking for what’s effective and what’s not.  And when I watch other speakers, I’m thinking to myself “Is this perfectly put together, but is this effective?  Is it getting people where they want to go?  What about myself, is what I’m doing effective or not.”  So here’s where I’m coming back to this.  I’m coming back to comparison isn’t bad.  Comparison saying whether or not you are like somebody else and how and whatever, that’s OK as long as you’re not adding judgment to it.

But you can ask yourself what awakens desire in me and what doesn’t.  So you can let that person be that person.  You’re not saying that they should be different by doing this process of comparing and figuring out, discerning what you want to be.  You’re not saying that they should change.  You’re not judging them nor are you judging yourself.  What you’re doing is your discerning your calling and you’re saying, “Well, maybe they are called to do just what they’re doing and that’s totally fine.”  Or maybe they could up in a notch, maybe there’s some way that you can help or that somebody else can help, that’s fine.  That’s totally fine.

What I’m saying is you don’t have to feel bad about comparing yourself to other people, because if someone that you admire awakens something inside of you, something that they do or something that they say and it awakens something inside of you and you’re like “Wow, I really want that!”  This is where you’re following your heart to find you’re calling.  This is doing a little bit deeper in our work to be able to figure out what you’re really called to.

But if you look at somebody and you say, “Wow, they’re doing these amazing things, but I can admire that and not want it or not judge myself based on them on what they’re doing.”  That’s a really healthy place to be.

So when you are listening to this podcast, when you’re listening to Voice of Influence and you hear me talk about things like vision and mission and voice and understanding what your message is and things like this, this may or may not be for you.  Because there are some people in the world, who, maybe like me, long to have a certain message and a certain impact.  We long to find our calling and we’re having a hard time doing it.

When I was having a hard time doing it, I needed to get clear on all the chaos on my head.  I needed to get clear on what I most care about so that I could know how to focus my energy.  Does every single person in the world need to do that?  I don’t think so.  In fact, I think what’s important probably more than anything _____ is to know what you really care about, what standard you’re going to measure everything by.

So here’s the thing.  This is where I was thinking about this earlier, I need clarity around my message and offering.  But somebody like my husband, he needs to partner with somebody who has a message and an offering that he can relate to, that he can support, that he can get behind.

So while he may not feel like he needs a certain message or a certain offering, as long as he can feel supportive of what I’m doing, as long as he can feel like he relates to it, he agrees with it, it’s not just his values; all that sort of things then he can get behind it and help me in whatever way that we decide to move forward.  But we’re focusing in on my particular message and offering for Voice of Influence.

So there are some people in the world who really do feel like they have something they need to say in particular and they want focus, they want to know all these things.  And then there are other people who care.  They have a voice and they use their voice but they do it in a way that is supportive and get behind what other people do.

Last week, I had on the podcast Susie Hageman.  And Susie is one of these people who really cares about human trafficking and this is something that she chose to focused on because it’s a message she can get behind.  And she is not the one that’s starting this nonprofits and writing about it per se, maybe she will someday, I don’t know.  But it’s not necessarily like she is out on the front with the message, but she got behind this message, because she thought like she could and she felt like it resonated with what her values are.

That is exactly what I think we all need.  We all need to know what were our values are so that we know what we want to get behind, whether we want to get behind it or we want to come out with this message or whatever.  This is the kind of thing that I’m talking about when I say, you don’t have to be what you admire.  You can admire someone else, their gifts, their offering, their message, all that sort of thing without feeling the pressure to have one of your own, to be that particular thing that they’re talking about.

So if listening to this podcast ever makes you feel pressure, I sure hope it doesn’t.  But if it does, it’s totally OK to turn it off, because you should surround yourself with things that awaken your passion, your desire, your calling; and help you discern your calling instead of making you feel like “Oh my goodness, if I hear again about you know having a message or this or that and it just keeps bringing me down.”

I completely understand if you didn’t want to do that but I will also challenge you not to take that into the rest of your life.  Don’t take that avoidance or tendency to compare and judge.  Don’t let that come with you.  Leave the judgment.  Put it aside, whatever voices in your head from the past that are telling you should or shouldn’t be this or that, put it aside because you are so important the way that you are, how you have been created, how you had been built.  The experiences that you’ve had have really drawn out things about you that are so important.

These are critical, critical in the world and don’t ever forget that.  Please know that whenever I talk about having a message, whenever I talk about using your voice of influence, I’m not excluding anyone.  And at the same time, I’m not saying that you have to be just like anybody.  You really don’t need to be.

I think that the most important thing of this is that we really need, we desperately need to be free, free from this judgment.  So do what makes you come alive.  And yes, when it comes to passion, I talk about passion in terms of something you’re willing to pour yourself out for.

So it’s not always pretty, it’s not always happy go lucky, but it doesn’t have to be about looking at your fault all the time.  It can be about what makes you come alive.  It can be about what you want to live into, a vision for yourself and your life and your message and your calling that you want to live into that vision.  That’s a whole lot different then and expectation that puts pressure on you.

So have vision, not expectation.  Take the pressure off and go just use your voice.  It will matter more!

How to Upskill Workers in the Age of Digital Transformation with Shefali Gupta

Episode 123

 

Play here (the red triangle below), on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or TuneIn Radio (Amazon Alexa) or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Shefali Gupta was a key player in DBS Bank’s digital transformation.  Eight years ago, they had a traditional bank, and as she’ll tell us, just recently they acquired the coveted World’s Best Digital Bank designation.

In this episode, Shefali is going to share with us how they helped their people upskill in order to be prepared for the transformation that was bound to come.

One piece of advice Shefali wanted to leave with you that did not make it into our interview is this, “Each of us might be good at something. We each need to take it upon ourselves to teach others and ask to be taught so that we can all become better.”

Mentioned in this episode:

Transcript

Hey, hey!  It’s Andrea and welcome to the Voice of Influence podcast.  So, as we well know we are in the midst of an incredible digital transformation around the world, and companies everywhere are looking at how they can ensure the safety and security of their customers as well as improve the customer experience.  But one thing that we cannot neglect when thinking about digital transformation is how this is going to impact the workers who are bound to lose their jobs over this change.

According to the World Economic Forum, estimates ranged from 2 million to 2 billion jobs lost over the next decade due to digital transformation.  So what kind of role do companies play in not only going through this transformation, but also in taking care of the workers who have got them to this point so far?

Today we’re going to speak with Shefali Gupta who was a key player in DBS Bank’s digital transformation.  Eight years ago, they had a traditional bank, and as she’ll tell us, just recently they acquired the coveted World’s Best Digital Bank designation.  But you don’t go from zero to hero without getting everybody else onboard.

Shefali is going to share with us how they helped their people upskill in order to be prepared for the transformation that was bound to come.  One piece of advice she wanted to leave with you that did not make it into our interview is this, “Each of us might be good at something.  We each need to take it upon ourselves to teach others and ask to be taught so that we can all become better.”  This is at the core of what took place at DBS Bank.  You can find the full transcript and Shefali’s LinkedIn link in our show notes at voiceofinfluence.net.

Here is my interview with Shefali Gupta:

Today, I have with me Shefali Gupta.  She is a digital and innovation leader.  And in fact, Shefali has been a part of this incredible transformation that DBS Bank has gone through in the past few years, from being just a traditional kind of bank to now being the World’s Best Digital Bank.  This is an actual award that they have won.  Congratulations, Shefali, on this accomplishment!

Shefali Gupta:  Thank you so much, Andrea.  And firstly, thank you for bringing me onto your show.  It’s seems like a great platform, and I’m really happy to talk to you, and many thanks for your wishes.  I think it’s completely teamwork, and I will accept your wishes on behalf of the entire DBS Bank.

Andrea:  Yes.  So, Shefali, what is the World’s Best Digital Bank?  What does that mean?

Shefali Gupta:  Okay, so for DBS, it meant, I would say, three broad things and maybe I could just take a minute to talk about them.  So, how we thought of being digital is number one, I mean, be digital to the core, which means getting new technology, ensuring that everybody is being very experimental in their day-to-day – whether it’s technology or product development – and do a lot of experiments, you know, as scientists will do.  And the third thing is that everybody is understanding – not just the technology folks, but everybody in the bank understands what we are doing, why we’re doing, how it’s going to help, and how can we use technology to improve our product and services and give an amazing experience to our customers.

The second thing we embarked on was looking at it from a customer angle on how we can embed ourselves in the customer journey and become a bank which is joyful.  So this word joyful came up as something, “Let’s make banking joyful.”  And the third aspect was the people aspect, which is how do we get our employees to be future ready and be digitally engaged and be completely part of the journey, so all 24,000 employees being part of our journey.  So this is the way we thought of digital.

Andrea:   So, you’re not just talking about making some changes on a website or even in the processes of how people do banking.  I mean, that in and of itself is a lot, but you’re also talking about how you brought the employees along in on this process.

Shefali Gupta:  Mhmm, absolutely.

Andrea:  So what was one of the things that your employees needed in order to be able to be a part of this process then?  What did that mean for them?

Shefali Gupta:  So, Andrea, that meant three things.  Firstly, they should be aware of the whole purpose, and see their role, and what role they are playing in the entire journey.  So, each employee should be very well aware of all the DBS vision and overall strategy that we are trying to do.  That’s one.

The second thing is every employee – and irrespective whether they are the teller or the cashier in the branch or they’re the back office team or in HR or finance – should be aware about the basic technology changes and the processes that we are looking at to revamp.  That’s the second thing.

And the third is that each of them should also be aware that they need to upskill themselves continuously to be future ready.  And maybe some of the jobs that they are doing today won’t be there, but that doesn’t mean they’ll be without a job because they would then be doing a new job which they have been trained for.  So this continuous learning, you know, process is something that they should be aware about.  So these, I think, would be the three things from an employee perspective.

Andrea:  Having a sense of purpose, knowing where they fit in the whole vision and strategy, and then everyone understanding the technology changes and being aware that they need to upskill themselves because their job might not be there when this whole thing is over, which is so important.

I am really curious about how you helped people to understand this transition because it’s gotta to be really hard for folks who have had the same job for a long time to realize that their job is going to be going away because of this digital transformation.  Was that a difficult thing for people to accept?

Shefali Gupta:  Yes, definitely.  It wasn’t easy, I would say.  And the reason for that is firstly, when you’re talking about 24,000 people, they are all kinds, so they are come from different genres.  So we add one and we have the millennials, the kids in their early 20s who have just joined us as management trainee or graduate associates.  On the other end, we had people who are, like, almost close to retirement and they are in their late 50s or 60s and who have been doing the same thing for maybe thirty, forty years already.   Plus, of course, there’s all sorts of other diverse population within the ordination of different countries.  I mean, men and women also tend to learn differently.  So it’s, like, first dealing with the mix of the employees and understanding what is it that would make each segment, you know, be more successful in upskilling themselves.  That’s one.

The second thing is that not everybody will have the same amount of interest in every topic.  So, we need to have a range of topics of skills that each one could pick and choose that they would like to upskill themselves in.  And so this was the second challenge, like, how do we ensure that we have the people understanding what is it that they should go into – a data kind of topic or they should go into UX design – and helping them get onto that was something that was, I think, the other challenge that we were facing at that point.

Andrea:  How did you help individual people when you had so many to be working with on this?  How did you help individual people make that decision for themselves, or was that something that was decided for them?

Shafali Gupta:  So we did two things.  One is basically, when I of read a lot on this topic, I actually formed a think tank on this thing by connecting with folks in different organizations, institutions, colleges, and I made my own network.  About twenty-five people, we call them Leaders and Learning.  So basically, it’s my own friendly think tank, and we would meet like once a month over a cup of coffee or a drink and discuss some of these things.  I learned a lot by bouncing of thoughts from these people and seeing what worked in other organizations.

And from there, one of the thoughts that came to me [is] that learning has to be self-driven.  So you can take the horse to the water, but you can’t force it to drink.  It’s the same thing.  So you can have the best content and the best course and the best online material, but it’s the people who need to be curious enough and self-driven to be wanting to learn on their bus rides home back or when they’re taking a train and they have an half an hour or when they are at home and they’re watching a lot of Netflix and how do you take one hour?  Okay, let’s do three hours of Netflix and one hour of, you know, learning something new, kind of a thing.

So it’s like making it more self-driven.  And secondly, looking at it from a more curiosity point of view, let’s get the people to become a bit more curious and wanting to learn on their own because they see the benefit in it for themselves.

Andrea:  Okay, so how did they decide what things to pursue, what to learn?

Shefali Gupta:  So what we did was that through various discussions internally as well as externally including with institutes.  We looked at what could be the future skills? And then we identified seven skills, which we thought are definitely something that will help them in the future.  There could be more, I mean, we started off with 25, 30, but because we didn’t want to make it too many a number, we kind of decided to keep it to seven at this point of time.

And of course we have the option to keep juggling around and changing every year, which these seven skills should be.  So we decided on seven skills and within that we got everybody to do a one-on-one on all seven for them to understand what is, for example, one of them is UX design or one of them is a customer journey mapping, or one of them is Agile.  So, they should at least understand on one-on-one.  So, we kept it simple just for them to literally just dip their toes and see what that skill is all about because it’s like, what they don’t know is they don’t know.  So, let them at least understand what it is.

And then after that we asked each of them to pick up any two.  We gave them the empowerment and the choice to pick up any two and then go deeper into them in a more engaged learning, whether it’s classroom or e-learning.  The first bit was us giving them a basket of seven and then leaving them to choose between these seven.

Andrea:  So they picked two, and then they had the opportunity to learn more based on those two.  Did you have certain classes or the e-learning or the workshops that you had for them to take or was this something that you had some options, or did they choose?  How did that work?

Shefali Gupta:  So again, the way we did was that this was really interesting.  Of course we had classroom training for some of the banking products and businesses.  We also have tie up with some of the big e-learning companies across the world so that people have enough material to choose from.

But then we went beyond that by doing two programs, one is what we call Gandalf Scholars.  So basically, we said to our employees that we would give you $1,000 credit in your salary account straight away if you tell us what is it that you want to learn and how then would you do it within a three month period.

So, all they needed to do is pick up a topic.  Like for example, somebody said, “I want to learn about dev ops,” or somebody said, “I want to learn about Agile coaching.”  We would give them the money to decide how they want to use the thousand dollars to upskill themselves externally.  They could get a personal coach for themselves, or they could sign up with a program, either university or anything that works for them.  The only question in that was that, they needed to come back and teach that same skill to at least ten other employees, and they could do that through a lunch and learn session or making a video on it.  But that’s our way in which we kind of ensured that the content is something which is relevant, taught by their own friends or peers in the office.  And that’s how it was one of the really big successes.

Andrea:  Wow!  It sounds like it would be successful.  How did they take it?  How did the people respond?

Shefali Gupta:  Well, they loved it.  We had a waitlist throughout, and we had, like, a lot of people wanting to, you know, sign up.  Because we did it in bursts of like, you know, once a quarter, and we would give it 200 people, then you would pay it for a few months and give out.  That’s how we did it.  And what was the surprise for me over here was that of course they love the learning that they did because they were empowered to choose what topic they want to learn and how they learn it.  That was a lot of empowerment with them.  And they loved that.  But what they actually really adored was the teaching.  I had so many people write to me saying that, “I love coming back and teaching my friends in the office. I didn’t realize that I could teach so well.  And after that I’ve made so many new friends, and I love the way I had to prepare for it, and I’ve learned so much more in the teach back.”

So actually, the teach back went viral, right? Like, they just loved it.  They all wanted to teach and then they kept saying, “Can we do it more times?  Is it just a ten or can I do it for, like, twenty people or can I do one more session?”  And so I think that was something which really inspired us to think deeper about this concept of peer to peer learning and realize that people want to learn with friends, like, who they know well and they are very comfortable sitting side by side and someone is teaching you something.  That’s how they want to learn and what I call peer-to-peer learning.  I think that’s going to be the way learning would be in the future.

Andrea:  Oh, that’s interesting.  Are there plans for that to continue then, or is this just a onetime kind of a situation for DBS Bank?

Shefali Gupta:  Well, of course, we have planned to continue with this.  You’re talking about Gandalf Scholars in particular or just…

Andrea:  Yeah.

Shefali Gupta:  Yeah, of course.  We are continuing that, but we’ve actually taken a step further, Andrea, by introducing another program, which is an idea that came out from here, which is called Back to School.  So this is the new, like, I would say the 2.0 of the first program where what we did was that these people who were like really loving being teachers and then that’s when that gave us the idea.  There are so many subject matter experts in any place or any organization.  Maybe they are not the senior folks, maybe they don’t shine so much because they’re doing some small projects somewhere hidden behind a desk.  But these are the people who really know our topic very well.

So we started this Back to School program, which actually has got mentioned in our current annual report.  And it’s something that I was leading and, you know, conceptualized and executed on this whole program, which is like, let’s create a school atmosphere in the office.  So we took up one entire floor and made classrooms. We had, every forty-five minutes, one session going on on very different topics.  It could be technology, it could be operations, it could be about leadership, it could be on, you know, data analytics.  I mean, a range of topics were being taught by people, subject experts from the company and employees could just pick and choose and go for any sessions.

So, clearly like a bell would ring like your class bell and then you would have people coming to class, you have a teacher who’s somebody from the office and then they learn for forty-five minutes, a really good solid session, and then they can go and attend a completely different class, maybe on profile building or performance management or you know and they could just pick and choose different topics.

They loved it.  I mean, we had like 1500 signups within three hours of opening up for registration.  Then when a class would finish and I will open the door or the facilitator would open the door and there would be like a crowd waiting outside to enter in for the next class.  It was like, people just absolutely love this, you know, and we recorded.

We video recorded many of them and made them into small bite-size YouTube kind of learning, which they could just watch in twenty minutes.  The ones who couldn’t attend a class could watch it on video then.  Then we released it like season one, season two, with like eight or ten classes each where people could actually, you know, refer to them or go back to them and listen in again.

Andrea:  Hmm.  There are so many things that I love about that.  I love how it really gave people that were already in the company an opportunity to share their expertise and to shine, really.  And then everybody else has a chance to learn from them and you were able to use it again by turning it into videos.  I mean, it sounds like a fantastic program.  Was it a one day experience then, this Back to School – did it take place in one day?

Shefali Gupta:  So first time, we did it for two days, two whole days so that people could come and go when they felt like.  I mean, sometimes people are more free in the afternoon.  Sometimes some people in banking get free post 3:00 p.m., right? After the banking cut off as branches are shut down.  So, we did it for two whole days, but the next time when we did it the second time we did it for four days, but we kept half days.   But we did it over four days, I think from Tuesday to Friday.  So it could be like, I think two days is a good number.  One feels short because it was like, you know, many people are not there or they are busy in a meeting and then they just missed the whole thing.  I think between two and three is it seems the right number of days to do this.

Andrea:  It sounds exciting, sounds exciting.  So when it came to leading this digital transformation, it sounds like this getting everybody on board, at least getting understanding, awareness, and then positive feedback or positive experience with it.  It sounds like, you know, bringing in, doing this education, helping them to see that you care about them must have made a tremendous impact on the buy-in of the whole team.

Shefali Gupta:  Yes, absolutely it did.  I mean, it helped, in overall, just collaboration.  I felt that people have become more collaborative because of everybody having the same vision.  Everybody was excited to do something different.  So teams are different units and functions are working together, like technology in business and operations with business.  So everybody is more collaborative for sure.  And the second thing is that everybody feels that they are going through a very exciting phase in their career.  I have had so many of my team members come to me saying, “This is the best year in my career,” kind of a thing.

So, because there’s lots happening and they all feel empowered that they have a chance to make a difference and not just be boring bankers, but actually be in a very exciting phase of their life and here was a chance for them to make a difference.  So, I think these two things, you know, have a collaborativeness and just maybe slight, definitely a more driven self-initiative kind of a excitement that’s built in to the company.  That’s really good.

Andrea:  So when we’re looking at this overall transition from being this more traditional kind of bank to being the World’s Best Digital Bank, could you take us back a little bit to the beginning of this process and why there was a desire or a decision to make this change and how the ball kind of got rolling?  At what point was this?  Why did it start?

Shefali Gupta:  It’s a good question.  There was a definite trigger point – and that came up, I think almost like eight years back.  So we have, you know, like a country level customer satisfaction survey, which is done by the central authorities, like the government and some of the top institutes.  So that kind of survey was done and DBS was like almost at the bottom of customer satisfaction.  That was, I think, a wakeup call.  It was all over the media.

But also we knew from our customers that they weren’t happy and there were a lot of pain points and there were a lot of noise on, “Queues are too long.”  “The processes are not friendly.”  “Staffs are rude.”  I mean, all sorts of negative.

And of course, just like the processes being very slow and everything takes too much time.  So that was how the trigger point was that boom, like, “Okay, we were lowest,” and it was like a wakeup call for us to do something about it.  And at the same time, we actually happened to have a new CEO being appointed to the company who’s extremely dynamic and extremely driven to do something really big.  And actually not just improve where we are going wrong, but to reimagine the entire way of, you know, banking is done and, you know, the position that DBS could be in the name that it could have and become a worldwide known name.  I mean, those were the kind of aspirations that our CEO came in.  So our leadership was very supportive and extremely positive and driven to do this change.  And I think that’s kind of had a good spiral effect across the company.

Andrea:  At what point were you looped in on this process and did you start to collaborate to help figure out how to move forward?

Shefali Gupta:  So I joined DBS from Citibank after being in Citibank for about fourteen years.  I joined DPS and I was in the customer experience and was handling the customer experience for the wealth management part of the business.  And then after two years of doing that, what DBS did was that they set up a separate cell, like a small team, known as the Improvement Team which was back to the CIO and the CEO of the company, which would then be the team which would drive the entire transformation in the company.

So, I was fortunate enough to be asked to join the team.  And I think that was like definitely a turning point in my career because here I got a chance to not do just my work, but actually be being in a position where I could have oversight about the whole company and be able to influence and support them in, you know, as we move forward.

So, from this team, the methodologies, tools, and the training, or even many of these programs were being rolled out from and executed across the organization.  And later on in the last few years, I became the head of strategy and planning for the technology and operations group.  And that’s how it gave me the leeway to be working with teams on upskilling the entire technology future readiness.  And those are things that I was leading once I got into even a bigger role in this particular team.

Andrea:  I’m sure that was exciting, but probably also a bit of a challenge for you personally.  What did you find to be the biggest challenge for you personally?

Shefali Gupta:  I think there were two things.  One is, I think, the containers, very high speed of learning that was needed; like there was no stopping, right?  Like every day there was something new that was happening.  So, in some sense, you always had to keep evolving yourself and stretching yourself and learning new things.  So, it’s not easy when you’ve come from doing very regular kind of jobs where you know what you have to do when you come in the morning and your day is like a set day.  Here, every day was different.  And I was thrown into new topics, new projects, new tasks like, “Okay, go help with the workforce strategy,” or “Go lead this particular thing.”

So first, I mean I think it was continuous learning, which was a personal challenge.  But after some time I started really enjoying that.  And you know, being able to take a topic and upskill myself first and then go and see how I could, you know, add value to others.

The second challenge for me, which actually became very positive towards the end, is that it’s a very matrix sort of… You are like a center cell in a huge organization.  And it’s not that everybody is reporting into you, but you still have to influence them and get them to do what you want them to do and for them to trust you.  And especially in countries where English might not be even the first language like China or Taiwan or maybe people who haven’t dealt with and who were completely new to me and I was new to them as well.

So just being able to work in a collaborative way and getting them to trust you and looking at the bigger picture and not worrying that, “Will I get the credit for it,” or “How will it help me?”  But just looking at it, “Okay, this is the right thing to do and we should do it.”  So, that’s what is really, you know, I think one of the challenges, initially I faced.  But then once I started to make the connect and get people to trust me, I really started enjoying working with very different teams and helping and supporting them in every way I could without worrying about whether it’s going to benefit them or me or, you know, who gets the brownie points.  You kind of have to stop thinking too much about that.

And that’s what has led me to now like really think of now that I’m in North America, I want to really continue doing that.  Like, just working in teams, helping them solve the problems or execute on some of their programs or just helping them think through and learn from, you know, my experiences.

Andrea:  So how did you gain their trust and be able to have influence in that situation?

Shefali Gupta:  So, I think part of the ways to gain trust was using my experience and my knowledge and skills to make a genuine value add to the work they’re doing and they saw the value of it.  That was first.

And the second thing is that what I mentioned earlier, not having expectations on what is it that I would get if I were to help them or gain their trust, but actually just doing it because it’s the right thing for the customer and for the organization.  So they saw me being like that I’m thinking not just on my personal agenda but overall the organization agenda and definitely the customer agenda.

Andrea:  So they could see that you are for the customer but also for them individually, I’m sure, because everything that you ended up bringing into play with the Gandalf Scholars and all of the upskilling that you made room for in the future that had to have a huge impact then for them to be able to feel like you were for them.

Shefali Gupta:  Yeah, absolutely.

Andrea:  Now you’d mentioned that there were some things that didn’t go so well.  What did you learn from this process?

Shefali Gupta:  Okay, I mean for me personally, the two things that I learned from here is firstly, no job is small or too big, I would think.  Anything that’s given to me, there were sometimes like even the smallest of things that I would be doing, like “Okay, we have this visitor who has come from some other country and they want to understand what we’re doing and …to us.”  So, sometimes I would say that, you know what, it’s a lot of time but then afterwards you start realizing that everything adds up, right?  Every small thing makes a difference.  It’s what you make out of a particular task or assignment and how much you can add value by doing it completely differently.  That’s my learning.

If some work is given to me or a task is given to me, there’s one way would be is, “Okay, just go on and do it as you were told to do it.”  The second way would be that: can you completely reimagine it and do it in a way which is very different and just in a much larger scale or looking at it as a much bigger picture.  So that was my first learning.

The second learning would be just be very open to people of different personalities, different age groups and, you know, different backgrounds because from every human being, there’s something that you can learn from them.

So the older folks or people who’ve been there for 30, 40 years who had a very specific way of thinking but there was so much I learned about, you know, the real way of doing control compliance, the eye for detail that they had that was really very impactful.

And from the youngsters, I work with a lot of twenty something people.  So, I have like, literally my daughter is 19 and I think half the team reporting to me was slightly above my daughter’s age.  There was so much I would learn from them, the freshness of ideas or the ability to question everything.  And just the energy which goes behind the thinking and how they work together and collaborate, so I think that was the second thing, just be open to younger, senior, junior.  It doesn’t matter.  Just try and learn what you can what that person has to bring on the table.

Andrea:  Wow, what an amazing transformation it sounds like took place not just in the company but also in you.

Shefali Gupta:  Absolutely.  Yeah.  I feel so too.

Andrea:  Hmm.  So when you think about somebody who wants to be a Voice of Influence® in their own company, what kind of advice would you give them to help navigate changes or personal challenges, especially when it comes to leading change?

Shefali Gupta:  So, I mean, I would say, three things here.  My advice would be firstly, think of a bigger purpose, a higher purpose that you are doing.  So when I was asked to look at, you know, upskilling of the employees, so one way I could have looked at it, “Okay, I’m training a bunch of people.”  The other way will look at it is that, “Okay, I’m going to ensure that these eight thousand people would have jobs even ten years from now or twenty years.”  So they would be employable or their employability is going up and hence I’m contributing to the overall sustainability of them, their families, and you know, the people around them in their communities.

So my first advice would be to whatever you’re doing, look for a higher purpose.  What is it that you would like to do that you could bring in and that you could make a bigger difference in your circle of influence or the world around you.

The second thing that I would say is that when you are doing something, it could be it in your personal life, at home or in the office, just try and always think through, “Is there a better way to do this?”  So this continuous improvement thing is something which is, you know, _____, because once you do that, you will see others also start thinking like that, that look at continuous improvement.  There’s something that, “Okay, is there something or better way to do this?”

So keep trying to pivot and improve whatever you’ve been doing, so how you have Apple go from whatever from different to 9.0, 10, and 11 or whatever.  The same way, it’s like you have to say that, “Okay, I’m gonna have a new release of new way of doing something every time.”  So that’s the kind of culture in organization you bring in then you will have people thinking on their feet all the time saying, “Okay, why should we do it the same way?  Let’s look at it differently.”

The third thing, I mean patience.  I think not all change comes overnight and that’s why we have all these problems.  Like Rome wasn’t built in a day; it does take time.  People take time to change.  So when you try and go on to a change management or a transformation journey, any organization, give it a time.  I mean, it will take time.  It’s not going to be in one year or six months.  It is a multi year journey and keep that in your mind.

Andrea:  Hmm.  Wow, well, thank you so much for sharing your voice of influence with our listeners today, Shefali.   I really appreciate it.  If somebody is interested in connecting with you or asking you a question about what you did with the work at DBS Bank, where should they find you?

Shefali Gupta:  I think LinkedIn would be a good place.  That’s something that I’m quick in my responses there. And now that I’m based in the US, like, if any of the folks want to catch up or just chat or meet up, I’m happy to be connected over there.

Andrea:  All right, well, we’ll make sure to link to your LinkedIn page in our show notes on voiceofinfluence.net.  And I thank you again so much for being here with us today.

Shefali Gupta:  Thank you, Andrea.  It was a pleasure, and I’m really happy that, you know, you’re doing this podcast and hope you much success and hope we remain friends forever.

Andrea:  Oh, thank you!

Using YouTube to Build Influence in 2020 with Nate Woodbury

Episode 122

Nate Woodbury helps speakers and coaches leverage YouTube to grow a massive following that brings in seven figures of revenue.  He is a master of efficiency whose brain is wired to see things with a results focus and he loves sharing the secrets and strategies that he uses to get YouTube results.

In this episode, Nate discusses how he got started with YouTube, why YouTube videos get so many more views than webpages, the importance of doing keyword research before recording anything, which keywords you should be focusing on, the keyword research tool that’s completely changed his business, why authenticity is more important than video or audio quality, how YouTube isn’t a quick-fix marketing strategy, his four-month strategy for growing your YouTube video views, how thumbnails are critical in click-through rates, why your thumbnail shouldn’t have the title of video on it, and more!

Mentioned in this episode:

Play here (the red triangle below), on iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn Radio (Amazon Alexa) or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Nate Woodbury Voice of Influence Podcast Andrea Joy Wenburg

 

Transcript

Hey, hey! It’s Andrea, and welcome to the Voice of Influence podcast. Today, I have with me Nate Woodbury here, and he helps speakers and coaches leverage YouTube to grow a massive following that brings in seven figures of revenue. He is a master of efficiency. His brain is wired to see things with a results focus, and he loves sharing the secrets and strategies that he uses to get YouTube results. So, today’s going to be really interesting.

Andrea: Nate, it’s so good to have you here on the Voice of Influence podcast.

Nate Woodbury: Yeah, happy to be here. And I like the name – influence is a big part of what I do. I love that.

Andrea: Yes, I can tell. And so, Nate, how did you get started in YouTube? Like, what’s your YouTube kind of origin story?

Nate Woodbury: Yeah, so going back about six or seven years is when I made the transition from a web design service that I used to have. As a part of website design, I also did search engine optimization and to get my clients’ websites to rank on Google, I would create this SEO page, I called them. And we’d do a whole bunch of things from link-building, and articles, and infographics that we linked on Pinterest.

Well, one thing that we put on there was a YouTube video, a how-to video, and it worked. It got these pages ranked on the top of Google, but then I noticed something. I noticed that the video itself over on YouTube was getting fifty times more views and traffic than the entire SEO page that was ranking number one on Google. And that was eye-opening for me because it was a lot of work doing what we were doing. So, I started to make a shift and just focus only on the YouTube part. You could create one piece of content and get fifty times more traffic so that’s where it began.

Andrea: Wow, that’s awesome! Okay, why is that? Why is it that people are experiencing so much more traffic through YouTube?

Nate Woodbury: Well, when people are searching online, they’re searching for something, not necessarily a company or a specific website. If they have a question – you know, how to get rid of strep throat without antibiotics or how to invest in real estate with no money – they kind of want the answer to that question, and YouTube has become a great search engine for that type of content.

So, you can create a video that answers people’s specific questions, and that’s what people are wanting to find. And you know, comparing that to website SEO, you’re trying to make your website big and relevant and compete out there. But YouTube is already big in relevance. You just create the right type of content, and YouTube gets the traffic.

Andrea: Okay, so when it comes to you helping other people to start this – let’s say that they’ve got it figured out, they want to do it – what’s the first step?

Nate Woodbury:  The first step is keyword research, and that sounds intimidating. It sounds overwhelming, but here’s to simplify it. Right now, all around the world, there are people that are searching for you; that they have questions, and you have the answers. And when you do keyword research, you can find those questions. So that’s all it is. You’re trying to find the specific questions that people are asking, and now you know what to make videos about.

And I can give you an example. My friend, Katie Gutierrez, she’s an interior designer in Miami, and one of her areas of expertise is living room design. And if she were to come up in her mind with a few video ideas, “Okay, I want to make a few videos around living room design,” she could be creative and come up with some videos that would be helpful, and we’d give them catchy titles. But instead we did keyword research together first before she started filming. We found a list of twenty really specific questions people are asking about living room design, such as how to design a living room with high ceilings, how to design a living room with large windows, or – one that I really liked – how to design a living room with a corner fireplace.

And we found twenty of these type questions. And so one, it gives her a lot more variety, a lot more ideas of videos that she could film, but it also matches the video with people that are actually searching. And so this works really well on YouTube. One other point that’s really important that I want to bring up that’s different from traditional SEO research and in marketing is I go after phrases that have low search volume intentionally. I ignore the ones that have large search volume. The reason being is the large search volume phrases have high competition.

But I think the phrase how to design a living room with a corner fireplace, I believe that has thirty searches per month on average. That’s wonderful because those thirty people are going to watch the video all the way to the end. The YouTube algorithm sees that and thinks, “Wow, this is a high performing video. Let’s find more people like these thirty that we can promote this video to.” And so YouTube starts to become my promotion engine.

Andrea: Okay, that’s very interesting. So you’re saying that it’s more important to get people to watch through the whole thing and if that higher percentage is going to make a difference in how YouTube then ends up pushing it out to more people.

Nate Woodbury: Exactly.

Andrea: Wow! Cool!

Nate Woodbury: Yeah. And if you can go after a phrase that no one else is going after then you rank instantly, and you’ll start getting traffic instantly even if it’s a person a day.

Andrea: Wow!

Nate Woodbury: Now, just one person a day, at least you’re getting that instantly as opposed to posting a video and not getting any views sort of relevant, you know.

Andrea: Sure. That makes a lot of sense. All right, so people do a keyword search, they try to figure this out, but then I’m assuming that there are some technical things that people get intimidated by. I mean, certainly has been that way for me. So, when it comes to the quality of video on YouTube, how important is that quality of video and audio?

Nate Woodbury: All right. So, quality is important, but what’s more important than quality is just authenticity, and that’s a buzzword today, that’s a buzzword. So let me kind of explain that. I can go out and spend a huge amount of money on camera equipment, on lighting and sound, on a studio, and that’s not going to guarantee a single thing, right? It’s not going to guarantee that my videos are going to go anywhere or anything. But as an example on the other end of the spectrum, I can pull out my phone, and I can just be walking down the street and just talk and just have a conversation, and that type of video is more likely to actually succeed if it’s really me and I’m just sharing advice, or I’m sharing a story and I’m really connecting with people.

So, another note on the authenticity side is you don’t need to show up as an actor. You don’t need to show up and talk in a professional voice like you’re a news anchor or like you’re giving a stage presentation. It’s just talking and having a conversation to one person. Like you’re having a conversation with one person at a time because that’s typically all that’s watching your video at a time is just one person. So, you look right into the lens of the camera and you talk to them; that will get your results.

And so if there’s specific things that you want to do to make your videos more professional or whatnot, I actually recommend against making it look like a company or corporate. Like, you don’t need to worry about putting text or graphics on the screen because a lot of times, unless you really know what you’re doing, it looks cheesy anyway.

Andrea: Sure.

Nate Woodbury: So just start simple. You’ve got an amazing camera in your pocket, and face a window so you got the light coming in on your face so you’re well lit. And you know, if you’re holding the camera, if it’s close to you, the audio is going to be pretty good. So that’s where I say start.

Andrea: Yeah. Awesome! All right, so if somebody wants to have some sort of influence, they’re wanting to have a message that gets out there and that sort of thing, they kind of have an idea of their expertise, they’ve done the keyword search… Now, you have a resource about keyword searching, is that right?

Nate Woodbury: Uh-huh.

Andrea: Let’s go ahead and tell them about that now because I don’t want to forget that one.

Nate Woodbury: Sure. Yeah, and to preface this tool, because it’s so amazing… I discovered [it] a year ago, September. Prior to that, I was using multiple tools, a couple of softwares that I paid for, the Google AdWords Keyword tool. So, I’d use one to get some data, use another one to filter it down, and use another one to improve it and expand. And it took me forever to do, and it took me like a year to train one of my assistants to be able to do it for me. Okay, so fast forward to September of 2018, and I was at a conference and the company, SEMrush, they were an exhibitor, and I’d use them before. They’ve been around a long time. I used their software back in the day when I had my SEO company.

Well, they smiled when I told them my process and what I was doing, and he pulled out the iPad and showed me this Keyword Magic Tool. And so that’s the tool that I used with Katie, the interior designer. So, if we typed in living room design and then there’s a button that says questions, so after you hit search then you hit questions, and then all the questions that… you know, the twenty that we filled narrowed it down to about living room design, just all appeared right there. So that tool basically took all the mini-steps that I was doing and just put it into one simple tool. It’s awesome!

Andrea: Wow. That’s awesome! Okay, and we’ll link to it in the show notes, how people can find it, but if you want to tell us again at the end, that’d be awesome.

Nate Woodbury: Sure.

Andrea: Do people in, like, a corporate space, people who are wanting to be a thought leader, that sort of thing… have you seen people like that who not are necessarily coaches, but maybe want to be known for their expertise; are they using YouTube?

Nate Woodbury: Well, that’s a good question. I mean, in the world of YouTube, I’m kind of a part of two different worlds. There’s the entrepreneur world, and then there’s the YouTuber world and the YouTuber world, most of the people there started YouTube as a hobby. They had another career, but as their YouTube channel grew, they actually started to make money from ad revenue. They got approached for sponsorships. They got started to be invited to speak, and then they thought, “Okay, I guess I’m a business owner. I guess I’m going to be self-employed.” And so they quit their job, and they put on the hat of entrepreneur, and that’s most of the people that are in the Youtuber category.

The world that I come from is more on the entrepreneurial side. We have our product or service and I’ve really honed in on working with coaches and speakers, those who have some type of skill set or expertise that’s what they sell through courses, or through speaking, or events, or whatnot. And I’ve helped those people leverage YouTube because really just using that keyword research process. They can find the questions that people are asking them and help them really build a large following. So does that help?

Andrea: Yeah. That’s interesting. I think I could see it being beneficial for somebody, like, in a job if they’re considering other options perhaps or if they are wanting to speak alongside what they’re doing, that sort of thing. I can see that being beneficial too, especially if you’re wanting to, I don’t know, even be able to showcase some of your expertise so that people might want you to come speak and that sort of thing.

Nate Woodbury: Well, a lot of people will do that for a hobby. You know, let’s say that somebody got a model airplane hobby, and they put it out there. Well, eventually, I’ve seen channels like that really take off to where people are funding projects, “Ooh, I want to see you make this type of an airplane or see if this will fly.” And you know, they contribute to stuff like that. The other thing that I want to mention is YouTube is a long term strategy. It’s not quick-fix marketing, and it’s great to start now rather than later.

Even if you’re not quite sure where you want to go, you think, “You know what, I really want to step into that space,” then just get started and practice and get used to being in front of the camera. Start with one episode per week, and over time you’ll see which video… you know, over let’s say three months, you’ve posted a dozen videos. You’ll be able to look back and see, “Well this one got a lot more views, likes, and comments than the others. Maybe I’ll just make a few more like that one.” And you’ll learn the ropes along the way.

Andrea: So, in podcasting… I sort of learned it this way, that you’re supposed to start with maybe your intro video and three others – excuse me, podcast episodes – so that you have a few in the bank when people start listening to you, and then you build from there. Do you do the same thing with YouTube? Do you start with a few, or do you start with one?

Nate Woodbury: Well, yeah. I mean, it makes sense if you’re launching one video, and people come to your channel, and they see that that’s your only video. I mean, I can understand the logic behind that. And I did that as well when I launched my podcast. But at the same time, content is so searchable, and my strategy is so much focused on search that I guess it’s not as emphasized. I guess the reason that it is emphasized in the podcast world is because you’re really trying to do something in the first month or two, I believe, to get picked up by iTunes as “New and Notable” or something like that. Is that right?

Andrea: Yeah, yeah. But there’s nothing like that, there’s no equivalent to that on YouTube.

Nate Woodbury: Well, I have my own formula that I figured out that’s a four-month strategy if you’d like me to share that.

Andrea: Sure, if you want to share that. We’d love to hear it.

Nate Woodbury: Okay, so this is a formula that… it’s really aggressive, and the result is that you will get a spike. So what I mean by a spike is over the four months, it’s not really exciting, you’re having gradual growth, just incremental increases of views. But then right on the four-month mark, you just have a surge of views and subscribers. So we’re talking, let’s say you’re averaging – across your channel – you’re averaging a hundred views a day, and then all of a sudden you have 10,000 views in a day and 10,000 views the next day. And then when it settles back down, you’re at a brand new baseline. Maybe your average increased up to like 600 views a day. So it’s like a six times increase.

Okay, so here’s the four ingredients. One, you’ve got to do keyword research before filming, like we talked about. And I have a video on my YouTube channel called My Leaf Strategies. So if you ever want to know that strategy in more detail, my channel is Nate Woodbury, Leaf Strategy, you’ll find that video, and that will help you how to do the keyword research before filming. And the second ingredient is you want your episodes to be ten to twelve minutes in length, and that’s an average.  You can go a little bit less than that. I’d say, you know, I recommend at least seven minutes. You can go longer than that.

My best performing video of all times is actually a twenty-minute episode. So the ten to twelve minutes is the average. The third ingredient is you want your average view duration to be 45% or higher. So, if you have a ten-minute video but people on average are only watching one minute of it, that just gives you some indications, “Okay, what do we need to do to get people to watch more?” And oftentimes there’s just some simple things you can say at the beginning to let people know why they should stay to the end.

A lot of times I’ve provided consulting to people where I watched the video – I’ve got one video in my mind – and her content was so good, and in fact, it got better and better throughout the video. And I’m just like, this is a really valuable video, but people are leaving after forty-five seconds or a minute, you know, and so if she would’ve just said, “Okay, I’m gonna give you a quick answer to my question at the beginning, then I’m going to give you the back story of why it’s important, and then I’ll share with you some strategies of how you can really implement it.” That’s the long version. The quick step here is you got to have 45% average duration or longer. And then the fourth ingredient is you’ve got to launch five episodes per week.

Andrea: Oh wow!

Nate Woodbury: So that sounds aggressive, doesn’t it?

Andrea: Yeah, yeah.

Nate Woodbury: That’s the formula. So, you do my leaf strategy – ten to twelve minutes per episode, average reiteration of 45% higher, and you’ll launch five episodes per week – at that four-month mark, you’ll have a spike. Because that’s such a high amount of work, you can get pretty discouraged two or three months in because you’re looking at your channel, thinking, “Man, I’m working really hard, and this last episode only got seven views. What’s going on here, Nate? Come on, I need a spike like you’re telling me.” But we get to that four-month mark in, and every time, when you have these four ingredients, I’ve always seen a spike.

Andrea: Wow. That’s really cool. That’s a lot of videos, for sure. And so do you have people put, like… I oftentimes will see words on the front of the video to kind of like get people’s attention maybe, I don’t know. Do you do that, or do you have people do that?

Nate Woodbury: Well, thumbnail design is extremely important.

Andrea: Yeah, thumbnail design, that’s what I’m thinking, yeah.

Nate Woodbury: Right. So custom thumbnail is critical in getting your video to perform, and once you start getting enough traffic on your videos that you can get significant stats, you can do what’s called AB testing. So, you might design an original thumbnail that you think, “Okay, I believe that this is going to create curiosity here.” And then you’ll be able to track the click-through rate and say it’s 4.87 percent click-through rate. And then, with AB testing you can design a second version and it will compare the two, and oftentimes we’re looking for an improvement, right? So, “Oh, this one bumped it up to a 7.21 click-through rate,” and so you’ll keep the alternate version. Thumbnail design is a huge… it’s critical in success on YouTube.

Andrea: And then do you use the same title that somebody would search for? You know, like the title at the bottom? Is that the same thing that you put on the thumbnail? Because I often see it’s different.

Nate Woodbury: You want it to be different because you’ll always see the title of the video with the thumbnail.

Andrea: Okay. Yeah.

Nate Woodbury: The title will always be there.

Andrea: So it’s redundant.

Nate Woodbury: Exactly. You don’t have to have texts. I often do. I’ve found that the default rule is fewer words, the better on the thumbnail, and you want to create curiosity instead of, like, telling statements. So, if I were to make a video on how to get rid of strep throat without antibiotics – that’s the title of the video – instead of saying, you know, strep throat remedy, you know, that could be some text I could put on the thumbnail.

But what I think would perform better is “secret formula” or something like this actually works – you know, put a question mark like, “This actually works?” – and I have a face that’s like, “What?” Because they’ll see the title, and then maybe I’m holding up something that… you know, one of the ingredients is garlic so maybe I’m holding up a bowl of garlic, and I’m looking at it like, “This really works?” You know, something like that would actually create… I found that to create a lot more clicks, because there’s more curiosity. They’re like, “Is that remedy in my kitchen now?”

Andrea: Yeah, yeah, that’s cool. Okay, so I think that’s one of the big challenges with marketing, in general, is how do you create that kind of intrigue that gets people to actually take a bite, to click, to try it out.

Nate Woodbury: Yeah. The cool thing is you can just start. I use Photoshop, but there’s a free tool called Canva, and Canva has YouTube thumbnail templates.

Andrea: I love Canva.

Nate Woodbury: Yeah. It’s really simple. You can just go in there, and it will automatically set up the dimensions for you, and it has some stock images and color and fonts. You can just create a thumbnail, and start, and then, you know, you’ll learn to make improvements.

Andrea: Yeah, awesome. Well, Nate, this has been so helpful. You know, you’re working with influencers all the time, so when you think about the importance of having an impact in the world of, you know, maybe your own influence that you’re wanting to have, what kind of tip or piece of advice would you like to give the influencer that is listening now?

Nate Woodbury: Well, the first thought that comes to my mind, I’m thinking of a message that my client and friend Paul Jenkins got from a lady in India. Paul had made a parenting video. I don’t remember the title of it, but he often makes videos such as How to Get Your Kids to Listen Without Yelling – you know, just great parenting topics. And the lady in India said, “I was having problems with my son. I watched your video, and I tried it, and it worked. Thank you so much.” And that just… that really impacted him, especially because, you know, we’re in Utah, and on the other side of the planet in India, somebody had watched his video, and he was able to help a mother with her son. And that’s influence. That’s influence right there.

And so my advice is you have experience, and therefore that gives you expertise. You have advice that you can share, and so simply by making a video that answer somebody’s questions and provides them that help or value, you’re giving that for free on YouTube, you are an influencer now.

Andrea: Hmm. That’s cool. All right, so, Nate, you’ve already shared with us a couple of places where people can get in touch with you and find you, but would you kind of recap that for us? And also maybe tell us a little bit about what you do to help people with their YouTube channels.

Nate Woodbury: Well, sure. So I do full production. I help with channel strategy, the topic strategy, then we’ll do the filming, have a full filming production, and editing, and launch, and thumbnail design. So, we basically do it for you. It’s expensive, okay? So it’s not a service that I really offer to the masses, but I currently have thirteen clients, and that’s what I do. Best places to find me are on YouTube at Nate Woodbury, or I do have a podcast as well, it’s Influence School.

The other thing that I just really want to emphasize is that this really works. It’s not theory. And so maybe this is bragging, but I want to share some numbers behind my largest channel, the Kris Krohn channel. He teaches real estate investing. We started that channel at zero, you know, brand new, and it’s now almost… we’re like 5,000 subscribers away from a half a million, so 500,000 subscribers. And what results that’s getting for us is about $600,000 per month in sales revenue. That channel is generating so many leads that $600,000 a month in sales. And that’s the potential.

In the world of YouTube, 500,000 is kind of small, especially for the amount of income that we’re generating. I just really want to share that just to show the opportunity on YouTube is really, really massive. I’m glad that I could be here to answer some questions and put you guys in that direction.

Andrea: Awesome! All right. Thank you so much, Nate. We appreciate you and your voice of influence in the world helping others find theirs and use it.

Nate Woodbury: Yeah, you’re welcome.

Andrea: All right. Well, we’ll talk to you soon.

Nate Woodbury: Alright. Bye, bye.

How to Lead a 30,000 Foot-View Team Check-In

Episode 121

This week is a very special week as we’re transitioning from one decade to the next so I’m doing a special solo episode to wrap up the year and decade.

This is a time of year where a lot of companies have strategy sessions or days to review what they’ve accomplished and where they’re headed in the next year. Now, I absolutely love doing these strategy sessions with my clients, but there’s one thing I’ve noticed these companies rarely do and I would like to see that changed.

In this episode, I’m explaining why it’s crucial for companies to do periodic check-ins during the year to get a 30,000-foot view of where your company is at that time, the four main benefits of doing these check-ins, how to know when it’s time to do a check-in, and the five questions you can ask during the check-in to help your team get back into a strategic flow.

Mentioned in this episode:

Play here (the red triangle below), on iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn Radio (Amazon Alexa) or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Voice of Influence Podcast Andrea Joy Wenburg

 

Transcript

Hey, hey! It’s Andrea, and welcome to the Voice of Influence podcast. It has been a long time since we have sat down just you and me. We’ve had a lot of interviews over the past few months, and it’s good to be back. Today is a pretty special day; this week is a very special week. We are transitioning from one decade to the next. This is the time of year that companies and teams take a step back and a lot of times will do a strategy day, or they’ll take a good hard look at what they’ve accomplished and where they’re headed. This is something that I love doing with clients.

But one of the things that is missing when people do strategy days is the follow-up. Strategy day or workshop, whatever kind of change you’re trying to encourage within your team, whatever kind of initiative you’re setting forth – every once in a while after that, you still need to take a step back away from all of the grind of the day to take that 30k foot view and say, “Where are we?” So that’s what we’re going to talk about today. We’re going to talk about what I called the 30k Foot Check-in.

So, this team check-in is an opportunity for you to help your team to think more strategically again and to get back into the flow of why they’re doing what they’re doing and how you’re going to move forward. It’s a simple, simple meeting. So we’re not talking about the in-depth strategy day where you’re nailing out or hammering out a 90-day plan with all kinds of projects and things like that. Instead of that, we’re talking about a very quick check-in, maybe thirty to forty-five minutes. This is how you know that it’s time for your 30k Foot Team Check-in.

If your team is feeling disjointed or you’re sensing a lot of friction amongst the people that are on the team, this is a good time to take a step back and check in, and say, “How are we doing?” If you have recently had a workshop or a strategy day, you have been making some sort of change. You don’t want to neglect the fact that people get really annoyed if you start a project and then don’t finish it, if you start an initiative and don’t carry it through. So, if you have a workshop and there isn’t any follow-up that is built into the workshop then you definitely want to build it in for yourself. So how can you come back to the changes that you were trying to make, the conversation that you were trying to have? Well, this is one way to do it.

Another time that you might want to have a 30k Foot meeting is when a team is getting really lost in the weeds. They might be making minimal progress on their projects but the overall needle is not turning like you wanted it to. Then it’s time to take a step back and check in with the team.

There are lots of benefits of doing this, but we’re going to talk about four. The first one is that you’re giving your team a voice. By having a time to be able to step back and check in, you’re giving them the opportunity to say what is on their minds, to make a difference in the overall picture. And this is incredibly important when it comes to engagement and retention. People want to believe that their voice matters, that what they do and say matters. They want to have agency.

And when they do, when they can have agency within a dialogue – a respectful dialogue – on your team, they are going to be more likely to continue to collaborate and come to consensus on things more easily. So you want to be able to give them a voice.

But number two, there’s also the benefit of collecting actionable insights from people that you might not have already heard. So although you already have an idea of what’s going well and what’s not going well, this is a chance for them to share, and you’re going to end up finding out things that you didn’t even realize could be changed. Sometimes the smallest little things that can make the biggest difference that other people are seeing. This is a great opportunity for people to share that.

A third benefit would be that you get to develop rapport in the team and perhaps even come to consensus. Consensus isn’t always possible or necessary, but what you can come to consensus on is this idea that you are going to trust each other. So, even if you don’t have a meeting for every little thing to make sure that there is consensus on every little thing – which is, of course, impossible – if you could live under this consensus that you trust each other, and so you don’t need to have your hands in everything then that’s going to help people. And it’s going to mean a lot to them that they’re going to feel like they’re on the same team. They’re seeing the game plan. They are part of creating the game plan. It means a lot.

A fourth benefit would be to help your team think more strategically. So, a lot of us are born with personalities that are focused on the details. We like to get in there, get our hands in it, get it done, but every once in awhile, we all need to be able to step back and think more strategically which allows us to have a greater impact with what we’re doing as a team. So make adjustments where we need to make adjustments.

So, this is an opportunity for you to help teach your team how to think strategically. And if you build this into a regular rhythm in your team, you’re going to find that people are going to start thinking like this, and it is going to make a difference in how they respond to changes that need to take place, and how they respond to each other in the kind of dialogue and collaboration that they’re able to accomplish.

All right, so how do we set this meeting up? This is kind of a meeting that I would recommend that if… If you’re doing it as a follow-up to a strategy day or a workshop, I’d recommend doing it every month after that for a few months so that you have a chance to really nail the thing down – you really get it going. If not, if it’s something that’s not possible or if that’s just too much, every quarter or every half year is a great time to be able to sit down and just have this quick meeting that would be a check-in to help them to be able to see things from a bigger perspective.

So what are the questions? Here are five questions that you can use at this meeting. Question number one, what do we have to celebrate? Celebration is something that can often be neglected, especially depending on the personalities in your group. Sometimes, it just feels like we’re never quite there, and so there’s nothing to really celebrate because as soon as we make it over one hump there’s another one to shoot for. But it’s important in meetings like these to have the opportunity to sit back and say, “What do we have to celebrate? What did we really accomplish?” Sometimes, it could be an actual accomplishments or an award that sort of thing, or a goal that’s been met, or it could simply be bringing somebody else onto the team that’s been a good team member.

Question number two is what are we doing well that gets us there? So you have things to celebrate. What is it that you’ve done? What systems have you put in place? What’s the culture like that has made it that you can get to this point? What is the character of the people on a team that’s getting you there? These are important things to acknowledge.

Question number three, what challenges lie ahead? Now, it can be really tempting for some people to want to complain in a meeting like this. It is important that they understand that this is actually not an opportunity for them to complain. We’re not looking back so much as we’re looking forward when it comes to the challenges.

So, instead of looking back at the challenges that you’ve had… unless you’ve been able to accomplish something, like let’s say you’ve gotten over that challenge, you really tackled that challenge – that’s great. But if it’s something that is a complaint about somebody else, and it’s something that’s going to be a concern in the future then instead of looking back and hashing out these old arguments or old problems, instead look forward and say, “What is coming that could be a potential challenge for us?” When people start to look ahead then they can start to think about how they’re going to navigate that challenge instead of complaining about it and feeling like a victim.

So, the fourth question, in follow up to that, would be what adjustments can we make to meet these challenges?

And then finally question number five, who will do what by when? Now, we’re not really talking about project management here. But if something has come up that needs to be addressed, if there is a challenge that is coming up ahead, and you’re ready to meet that challenge with some sort of adjustment that you’re going to make, what is that adjustment? How are you going to make it? Who’s in charge? Who’s going to get the ball rolling? Do you need to have another meeting? Does somebody need to go talk to somebody? Is there some sort of document that needs to be created? Some small thing is what we’re talking about here, not that detailed 90-day plan that you might execute after a strategy day, but some small thing that you know to help you to move forward.

So these five questions are very simple, but they do take you out of the weeds. They help you bring the team out of the weeds so that instead of thinking about their day-to-day frustrations, their day-to-day tasks and activities, they’re looking at the bigger picture about why it matters. Why they matter. The mission and vision and values, you can always bring those kinds of things up on a meeting like this. How are we headed in that direction? It’s a great thing to be able to come together underneath of that and say, “Where are we, and how can we move forward with more intentionality?”

And if you come to one of these meetings and you realize that it’s time to start a new initiative, it is time for us to take a deeper dive, and you want to lead some sort of strategic planning day, shoot me an email, contact me on our contact form on voiceofinfluence.net. I would love to be able to sit down and give you some thoughts about best practices for strategy days.

Again, that’s voiceofinfluence.net. Your voice matters; now let’s make it matter more!

How to Create a Stigma- Free Workplace with Mettie Spiess

Episode 120

Mettie Spiess is a global workplace mental health expert who is a Nationally Certified Health Coach and the Founder of A World Without Suicide.

Twenty industries across seven countries have successfully utilized her process to proactively support employee mental well-being, reduce turnover, and increase team productivity. In fact, in 2016, the National Alliance on Mental Illness awarded Mettie the Education Advancement Award for her work to end the stigma associated with mental illness.

In this episode, Mettie discusses the devastating personal reasons behind why she started her company, the signs that your light is starting to dim, how she’s handled the complex emotions that come with being a suicide loss survivor, how to know when it’s time to seek the help of others and how to go about doing that, her advice for starting a conversation with someone in your life that might be struggling, why companies should open up mental health conversations even if they might be afraid of potential liability issues, why just opening the conversation within your company isn’t enough, how to find the balance between supporting yourself and supporting others, and more!

Mentioned in this episode:

Play here (the red triangle below), on iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn Radio (Amazon Alexa) or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Mettie Spiess Voice of Influence Podcast Andrea Joy Wenburg

 

Transcript

Hey, hey! It’s Andrea, and welcome to the Voice of Influence podcast. Today, we have with us Mettie Spiess who is a global workplace mental health expert. She is a Nationally Certified Health Coach and the founder of A World Without Suicide. Twenty industries across seven countries have successfully utilized her process to proactively support employee mental well-being, reduce turnover, and increase team productivity. And in fact, in 2016, the National Alliance on Mental Illness awarded Mettie the Education Advancement Award for her work to end the stigma associated with mental illness.

Andrea: I’m really, really glad to have Mettie on the line with us today. Welcome to the Voice of Influence podcast, Mettie.

Mettie Spiess: Thank you, Andrea. I am thrilled to be here.

Andrea: So this is a big topic. This is a deep topic, one that is possibly triggering for some people. Can you set us up with kind of why you, in particular, have decided to tackle this with your company?

Mettie Spiess: Sure. Great question. So, why I started A World Without Suicide and really speaking globally on this topic is a very personal reason that aligned with my initial professional goals. But to give a brief overview, growing up, I absolutely idolized my two older brothers, Eddie and Ronnie. To paint a little bit of a picture, Ronnie was my rebellious, cool, older brother. Eddie was the life of the party, the comedian. And when I was ten, we lost Ronnie to suicide, and it just broke my heart. And suicidal grief is so unique, and especially at that age, there was lots of confusion and anger and just heartbreak.

But Ed and I were able to lean on each other, and as we got older, we got very close, and fast forward to 2014, Ed was a new dad. He had been working in the restaurant industry for several years. He just sort of fell into that industry working double shifts. He was on call 24/7, and his job really didn’t fulfill him, and he started having panic attacks. And little by little, that spark that he always had in him disappeared. And looking back now, I can vividly remember moments of noticing that light inside of him just simply burn out.

But it didn’t alarm me because at the time I was working full time for a large corporation in Corporate America, and I saw people all the time like Ed who were burning out, who were in the rat race, who were in jobs that they didn’t like or didn’t fulfill them. So, it just sort of seemed justifiable or “normal.” And Ed’s light burned out completely, and we lost him to suicide in 2014.

Andrea: Oh, I’m so sorry.

Mettie Spiess: Thank you. Thank you, I appreciate that, and you know, losing one brother was heartbreaking enough, but losing two to me was unacceptable, and that’s when I pivoted from broad corporate health promotion to focus on mental wellbeing and suicide prevention.

Andrea: Hmm, wow. Okay, so first of all, obviously this is so personal for you, and what a testament to, gosh, your love for your brothers, your tenacity to come back at this and tackle it instead of… I don’t know what instead of, but I’m grateful that you’re doing this work.

Mettie Spiess: Thank you. Thank you.

Andrea: When you think about your brother Eddie and the lights starting to dim, what kinds of things did you notice or do you encourage people to really look for in others whose light might be starting to dim or even themselves?

Mettie Spiess: Hmm, great question. So, being aware to changes in behavior, so whether it’s being exhausted – so having chronic sleep deprivation, things like appearance change, weight gain, or dramatic weight loss. If there’s somebody or if you personally are someone that’s usually well put together, but recently you just haven’t felt like you can get out of bed and put your face on and really go out there, or you’re having things like anxiety or is something moving past stress to really that panic mode or feeling like drowning. I think it’s important that we look in ourselves, and we look at those around us and not justify it as, “Oh well, everybody’s tired. Everybody works too much,” but really looking at it as, “Well, you don’t have to,” right? I mean, there’s a balance that can be achieved, but what is from normal stress to being a potential issue?

Andrea: Yes. Okay, so there’s probably people around us who are feeling that way, sometimes we might be feeling that way. And like you said, you’ve kind of saw the lights start to dim, if you will, again, with your brother, but you weren’t totally alarmed because you saw it as something kind of normal, which is so sad. How do you kind of grapple with the fact that this happened with you and your brothers? I mean, I’m asking this in order to encourage others that maybe have been in your position. How do you handle that kind of, I don’t know, the weight of knowing that it was your brother, you know?

Mettie Spiess: Being a suicide loss survivor, as I mentioned before, it’s so complex, and there’s often a lot of guilt. And I know I felt a lot of guilt of not being more proactive, not being educated on all of the warning signs to know that, wow, you know, there was more than one and how to start that conversation if I was concerned. So, a part of it was getting very educated in diving deep into how can I be aware to prevent this, moving forward, and teach others.

I really resonate with Christine Kane… said a very famous quote years ago of “Sometimes when you’re in a dark place, you think you’ve been buried, but you’ve actually been planted.” And I think that’s such a beautiful way to look at it, that regardless, even if it’s not a suicide loss, it’s a loss of a major relationship in any way, or it’s a loss of a job that some of the strongest voices and influence and movements have come from people’s struggle and loss. But that said, of course, having self-care and seeking support when we need it so we can influence the world in the way we were meant to.

Andrea: So how does one know when they need it, when they need support, and where do they go for support?

Mettie Spiess: So, obviously it, I think, varies by person. But if that stress going across the line of being chronic, or you’re having a hard time getting out of bed, or that stress is now moving into panic attack zone, leaning on people in your personal and professional life that you can count on for support. But if you feel like it’s in the mental illness – whether it’s depression, anxiety, any of that under the umbrella – talking to even your primary care physician and talking about what might be the next best step.

If it’s having suicidal thoughts, I recommend individuals reaching out immediately to the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. There’s a hope text line available in the U.S. that not everyone knows about. And this is helpful because it immediately connects individuals to a certified counselor versus having a waitlist to see someone. And that is available by texting 741741. I believe it’s text the word CONNECT to 741741.

Andrea: Okay, so when you’re talking to somebody – you know, let’s bring this into a conversation into a relationship at work, at home – and there’s some sort of warning sign that kind of pops up, there is often times I’ve noticed just with my background and things that people often don’t want to go there with somebody that’s really struggling. They often don’t want to feel that pain, or they often want to make somebody feel better so that they feel better. And it’s not always possible to make everybody feel better, we all know that. But at the same time, we still want that. We still are trying to make other people feel better. How do you suggest that people approach a conversation or even find the courage within themselves to have that conversation with somebody who’s really struggling?

Mettie Spiess: You are right. Andrea, you nailed it. There is quite a bit of uncomfortableness around starting these types of conversations, particularly in the workplace. When I start to train managers in our training, I have had countless times managers tell me that they have major concerns about someone on their team, but they would rather say nothing than say the wrong thing and be held liable, you know, to cross the confidentiality line. I have a whole digital module and portion of our training that we talk about the specific do’s and don’ts for discussing in the workplace.

But if we’re talking about even a family relationship or a coworker relationship, it’s completely appropriate to just open up the conversation by saying, “Hey, you really haven’t quite been yourself lately. Are you okay?” Just opening it up. Now, the “are you okay” question can be ambiguous, and people might automatically say, just out of pure habit. “Oh, I’m fine. Yup, I’m okay, don’t worry about it. Everything’s good.”

But if in your gut you have a feeling that “No, they’re really not… of everything I’ve been seeing, they’re just really not okay.” Digging a little deeper and you could even say something like, let’s say if it’s in the workplace and you don’t want to pry, you could say, “Okay, well, just know I was worried, you haven’t seemed yourself. So just know if there’s ever anything you do want to talk about, I’m here for you.” Or “We have an employee assistance program. Their flyers are in the break room. I encourage you to reach out if you’re ever in need,” as an example.

Andrea: I think that idea of just opening up the conversation is in and of itself so important – so, so, so important – and yet again, it’s so scary for people to do, including, I’m guessing not just for individuals but also for companies. So you go in and actually, you kind of open up the conversation for companies. Why should a company want to go there when they know that it could open up a can of worms? You know, I’ve seen that sort of thing happened before, but yet it’s so… I know it’s so important, but how does a company really get the courage really to do this? How do they know it’s important for them?

Mettie Spiess: The main times companies reach out to us and realize that this is a costly… so not even talking about the importance of this for their people, but realizing that it’s a costly dollars and cents issue is when they see significant healthcare claims going up for substance abuse treatments, for mental health-related leave of absence. Unfortunately, several companies – last year was about 60% of our companies or our clients – reached out after an employee suicide; many had multiple. And we see so many companies out there have employee suicides on site.

I mean, if you Google it, you will be surprised how many major brands and small companies alike. This is occurring literally in the workplace. The other side of the coin is by not addressing it – by not teaching leaders and employees about stigma-free language, about appropriate responses to individuals who disclose substance abuse or mental health-related issues – if they say something that is a discrimination type response, that is also a costly issue. So, I think what’s interesting is that some companies view by not discussing it they’re protecting themselves when actually it’s the exact opposite.

Andrea: Hmm, wow. Yeah, that’s really, really interesting and important and terrifying, really, that it takes seeing how bad things are to really make a change, and yet that’s just most of the world. I mean, we all do that as individuals. We wait until there’s a crisis of our own before we’re ready to really grapple with the things that are hard to grapple with.

Mettie Spiess: So true. That is so true, as you mentioned, from a personal and from a business perspective.

Andrea: Right. Let’s see. So, when it comes to having these conversations and you realize that somebody is struggling, or you realize that you’ve got the struggle within your company, I’m assuming it’s programs like yours that can come in and address this, open up the conversation. How does this go from being sort of just one conversation or just you coming to speak to actually making a difference or a change throughout the organization?

Mettie Spiess: That’s such a great question because you’re right, topics that are this critical, it’s not a onetime event, right? There’s an ongoing conversation, ongoing support resources that are needed. So, opening up the conversation in a way that is best practice, but that also helps break the stigma, so it’s comfortable and you can remove those common fears that we talked about in our experience is very helpful for companies to open up that conversation.

But to have support available for employees to go to, whether that is through their employees’ assistance program, whether that’s promoting mental health-related or substance abuse related support, nonprofit groups within their organization. We have an eight module digital leadership course that has an employee track that talks about not only supporting personal mental wellbeing but supporting a coworker or family member in crisis, how to use stigma-free language in the workplace. We really covered the gamut to have ongoing development and support in this area.

Andrea: Yeah. Just to continue to think about it, to continue to have it in front of your people seems to be just a vital piece of it.

Mettie Spiess: Absolutely, absolutely.

Andrea: When it comes to individuals – and let’s go back to kind of the person who is wanting to be a support that might be struggling themselves but wanting to be a support to others – how do you balance those two things? I can imagine that you’ve been through your own dark times as well… I mean, we all have. How do you balance being a support to other people and taking care of yourself?

Mettie Spiess: Andrea, I’m sure you can agree with me, it’s a balancing act when you’re in any sort of caretaker role, or in an industry like healthcare or education where you’re consistently giving and supporting others. From what I have found, being very self-aware of knowing when you’re giving too much and backing up to make sure that you are constantly refueling your tank. Pastor Wayne Cordeiro, one of my favorite quotes that he says is that “The path to success and the path to a nervous breakdown is the same. The only difference is whether or not you take care of your wellbeing.” And I truly think that is the case.

So, whatever self-care and stress relief means to you, whether it’s exercise, whether it’s art, whether it’s talking to people that can help build you up and can empathize where you’re going through. There isn’t one set formula, but knowing that what you’re putting out, putting back into yourself as well, so you stay well.

Andrea: We’ve just hit so many really deep kinds of things. When it comes to influence and wanting to have an impact on other people, I think that these kinds of people tend to be, and we’re talking, you know, ethical influence, the people that listen to this podcast tend to be more empathetic. They tend to be perhaps sensitive where they are very aware of other people and what they need, or they care at least, at very minimum, even if it’s not part of their sort of DNA to be super empathetic, they care. And so they are able to kind of make that happen for themselves to really kind of take perspective and whatever.

For those kinds of people, I think it’s easy to get discouraged. It’s easy to feel like the ideal is what you’re striving for, and you never quite hit it, and you never will. That’s one of the very harsh realities of being an idealist. But how do you suggest people sort of grapple with that as a person who wants to have a voice of influence knowing that they’re never going to quite get there? You know, there’s always something that’s left to be had that didn’t quite make it. What kind of advice would you have for them?

Mettie Spiess: Well, Andrea, what you said about whether it’s a perfectionist or someone that is trying to absolutely change the world and they might not ever get to the place where they think is the best place of influence, they might not. So, sharing that, being realistic I think is helpful. But I think that… and I can empathize with that type of person, is that then we tend to downplay the impact and the influence we do make.

And it can be one supportive person in one conversation that can be the difference between a tragedy and triumph. And letting someone, as an example, who’s struggling know that they’re not alone and encouraging them to seek support can put them on a path to wellness and potentially saved their life. And that’s just one person, but what’s bigger than that? I mean, that impact and influence at the end of the day is incredible to have that potential of influencing and supporting someone’s life.

Our organization is a World Without Suicide. Do I hope at some point we can create a world that is free from suicide, of course. But I can’t let that goal in purpose override the day-to-day conversations or trainings that I’m facilitating because that is where that influence is at the time.

Andrea: Hmm. It’s sort of shooting for the stars but hitting the moon – we wouldn’t even hit the moon if we didn’t try.

Mettie Spiess: So true.

Andrea: Yeah, I think that that is super important for us to remember and to hold as almost sacred in our hearts that it’s okay to not have it turn out perfectly, that it is not going to be perfect. That your influence, your impact in the world is not going to be the ideal thing that you would want it to be, and yet strive for it, and yet go for it, and yet… you know, being able to grapple with that tension I think is one of the pieces of this calling of being a voice of influence.

Mettie Spiess: Without question, I completely agree with you. Progress, not perfection.

Andrea: All right. Mettie, if companies are wanting to have a program that would support mental health, I would highly recommend yours. Can you tell us about where they can find you?

Mettie Spiess: Yes, thank you. If you visit stigmafreeworkplace.com, you will find information on our certified best practice training. There’s also a resource in there called the Stigma-FREE Workplace Blueprint that organizations can download and get best practice strategies to support mental wellbeing to start the conversation about mental health safely in their organization. I’m on LinkedIn as well, and I love to highlight the companies that we’re working with who are really committed to supporting employee mental health as a health and safety priority. So looking there is a great place to go for inspiration as well.

Andrea: Mettie, thank you so much for being a voice of influence for the world. The circumstances through which you have begun your company and message are tragic, and yet you are finding a redemptive purpose in the middle of it. And I am grateful for that and for your courage to do so.

Mettie Spiess: Thank you so much, Andrea. I am a huge fan of your podcast and everything that you’re doing out there to influence the world. So, I appreciate being a part of this.

Andrea: Thank you so much.

Mettie Spiess: Thank you.

Be the Best Organization For the World with Jeff Henderson

Episode 119

Jeff Henderson is an entrepreneur, speaker, pastor, author, and business leader. Since 2003, he has helped lead three of the North Point Ministries churches in the Atlanta, Georgia area. Prior to serving as a pastor, Jeff worked in marketing with Atlanta Braves, Callaway Gardens, Chick-fil-A where he helped lead the company’s sports and beverage marketing efforts.

Jeff was also named by Forbes magazine as one of the 20 Speakers You Shouldn’t Miss The Opportunity To See.

In this episode, Jeff discusses how purpose and profits go hand-in-hand, why it’s okay if your current vision outpaces your current resources, the main area where non-profits shouldn’t be penny-pinchers, the importance of having clarity around what your organization wants to be known for and how his book can help with that clarity, the four “presenter voices” and how they can help us carry our vision forward, why you need to understand the presenter environment you’re in as well, the value of talking with your customers instead of at them, how being humbled helps with your voice of influence, and more!

Mentioned in this episode:

Play here (the red triangle below), on iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn Radio (Amazon Alexa) or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Jeff Henderson Voice of Influence Podcast Andrea Joy Wenburg

 

Transcript

Hey, hey!  It’s Andrea, and welcome to the Voice of Influence podcast.  We’re so glad to have you here today.  Today, I have with me Jeff Henderson.  Jeff is an entrepreneur, a speaker, pastor, and a business leader.  Since 2003, he has helped lead three of North Point Ministries’s churches in the Atlanta, Georgia area.  Jeff was recently named by Forbes magazine as one of the “20 Speakers That You Shouldn’t Miss.”  So this is going to be a good one, you know already.  Prior to serving as pastor, Jeff worked in marketing with the Atlanta Braves, Callaway Gardens, and Chick-fil-A where he lead the company’s sports and beverage marketing efforts.  So, Jeff has founded several organizations, and I’m excited to talk to him today about his book as well.  He is the author of Know What You’re FOR.

Andrea:  So, Jeff, it is really good to have you on the Voice of Influence podcast.

Jeff Henderson:  Andrea, I’m so honored to be here, and I really love your podcasts and your initiative because we’re talking about our voice of influence today.  We’re going to talk about how we can increase our voices of influence in our lives and our businesses and organizations.  So thanks for having me.

Andrea:  Yeah.  Okay, so you have done a number of different things.  Your experience is broad and deep, and it spans both nonprofit and for-profit.  Do you have any particular things that you have learned from both that maybe nonprofit can learn from profit, that profit can learn from nonprofit?  Is there anything in particular?

Jeff Henderson:  Absolutely.  I think it’s a really exciting time because.. I think it’s interesting, Andrea, how we have terminology for these two worlds.  Over here, it’s the “We’re FOR profit,”; over here, “We’re NOT for profit,” as if profit is this evil thing.  And I know, you know, there’s taxation reasons why we do that.  But why I think it’s an exciting time to be a leader both in nonprofit and for-profit is that I don’t think that profit and purpose – let’s use the word purpose for nonprofit – I don’t think profit and purpose have to be mutually exclusive.  That if you have profit that means you’re off purpose, and if you have purpose, you can’t have profit.

And so what I’m discovering is that thriving organizations understand that purpose fuels profit and profit fuels purpose.  And when you can actually bake purpose into each purchase, with every purchase you have more purpose.  And what we’re seeing – and research is actually playing this out – consumers want to do business… consumers or participants want to participate in organizations that are doing good for the world.  And what that means for us – and this is why I think with your emphasis of voice of influence – doing good is good for business, doing good is good for organizations.

And so what that means is, if you can have more influence, then you can grow your organization.  And I think growing, healthy organizations help the world improve.  And so what I’ve learned is that if for-profit leaders – let’s say business leaders – if they can learn how to really be more focused on “What is our purpose?”, and then if nonprofit leaders can learn some of the strategies about how to articulate what their organization is about, then if you can have both purpose and profit, then you grow.

And even with nonprofit leaders… I talk to nonprofit leaders and say, “Here’s the tension you woke up with this morning; your vision far outpaces your current resources.”  And everybody says yes.  But here’s the good news… and that may seem challenging – and it is challenging – but here’s the good news, if your future vision outpaces your current resources, you’re on the right track, because it means that you have a clear and compelling vision.  But your strategy, your goal, should be to shrink the gap.  And there are some things about shrinking the gap that we could learn from the business world.  So to your question, yes, there’s a lot of things that both sides can learn.

Andrea:  Okay.  So, let’s start with the nonprofit side of things.  There is that tension that you talked about waking up with, your vision far exceeds your resources, and yet I think there’s also that tension of, “But we should be penny-pinching,” or “We should be really resourceful.”  And then how does the idea of being resourceful… or not just resourceful but almost the penny-pinching kind of thing, kind of get in the way of perhaps making profit in order to be able to sustain the nonprofit?

Jeff Henderson:  Fantastic question.  So, I think in the nonprofit world, here’s one of the things that… you know, our mantra is “We keep overhead low,” as if overhead is the problem because I believe talent matters.  And if you’ve got a talented team and you pay them more, you will get greater results.  I think that has been proven out throughout history.  Research will tell you that the better leaders you have, the better results you’re going to have.

If we want to penny-pinch and kind of have a poverty mindset with our nonprofit world, then we’re going to get those results, and I just firmly believe that.  Now, I also believe, Andrea, that great ideas don’t necessarily come with a lot of money.  Innovation and creativity usually happens with constraints, not abundance.  So large organizations who have all kinds of resources, they wake up one day, and they see smaller organizations that are out-creating them and out-innovating them because those smaller organizations have constraints.

So, I think we should be frugal.  I think we should spend money wisely.  But I also believe we should hire great people and pay them accordingly.  Now, it doesn’t mean that the nonprofit world is going to be the same pay rate as the for-profit world, I totally understand that.  But the reason a lot of nonprofits struggle is because they don’t raise money to hire great people.  And it’s just a proven fact… I mean, everything rises and falls with leadership.  John Maxwell has taught us that, and the better leaders you have on the team, the better the team is going to be.

So, yes, we should be frugal and, yes, we should be wise with our money, but if we have a vision worth funding, then we should go ask for the money, and we should go for it.  And one of the best fundraising questions to ask for nonprofit leaders is simply, “Will you help me?”  So you cast your vision, you ask, you know, for the resources, and then you just say, “Will you help me?”  And then what you have to do, Andrea, you have to be quiet and let that awkward space, whether it’s a coffee shop or a room of the few people or a lot of people, you just have to let that awkward silence fill the room, and then they get to respond back.

And typically you’re going to get, “Yes, I’ll help you,” or “No, I won’t,” or “I’ll pray about it,” which means, “No, I won’t.”  But, yes, I think to your question, yes, we should be absolutely frugal.  But a poverty mindset when it relates to nonprofit world, it really bothers me because I just feel like if they’ve got a compelling vision, let’s go fund it.  Let’s go for it.  We don’t need to be doing stupid stuff, but we don’t need to sacrifice what could be because, “Well, you know what, we can’t really afford it.”  We should go for it if it’s worth it.

Andrea:  Hmm.  You know, it’s interesting.  I’ve seen this play out before in nonprofits – and even sometimes businesses, but mostly nonprofits – where the person who is sort of leading the charge might be feeling like… I don’t know, bringing their own ideas about how much things cost and how much things should cost to the big picture.  Have you seen that and that go awry?

Jeff Henderson:  Yes.  I think if I’m the sole person making decisions like this, I think I need to get a team approach.  I think a board and the directors and all that.  We need to be wise stewards.  We need to be as debt free and all that.  I’m totally on board with that.  But I see great organizations that have a great mission that just continue to have a gap between their future vision and their current resources.  And I don’t think it has to be that way.

I’ll give you a marketing example. You could put flyers on a laundromat that says, “Come to our bake sale,” or you could spend more money on a Facebook live strategy or a social media strategy, pay a little bit of that and have greater results.  You might pay a little bit more, but the results outpaced the results that you would get with flyers at the laundromat.  And so my concern is, is we’re so focused sometimes on costs that we don’t see the potential ROI that is not being returned to us on what could be.  And again, I’m not suggesting that we frivolously spend money, but I do believe investing in your people is incredibly important.

Andrea:  Hmm.  Yeah.  I mean, if your people are overextended, then how can they give the best to the nonprofit too?  Okay, so looking at the profit side of things then, and maybe this is part of being known for what you’re for or however you put that exactly – Know What You’re For – how can they learn more about how to really dial in on their purpose and why it matters?  What if they’re having a hard time?  They say that, you know, they kind of have an idea, but they’re not totally clear on that.  How do they go and get clearer?

Jeff Henderson:  So if there’s confusion among the leader or the leaders, if there’s confusion in the office space, there will be confusion in the marketplace.  So, if we’re not sure as a team, then the people we’re trying to serve or the customers we’re trying to reach or serve – the same with nonprofit, the people we’re trying to serve – if we’re not quite sure what we’re doing as an organization, then there will be mixed signals and a lack of clarity, and that lack of clarity slows things down dramatically.

And so basically the whole book, Andrea is built on two questions.  “What do you want to be known for?” is the first question.  And I ask leaders to do a vision inventory.  To just walk around and ask the team, “Hey, what do you think we want to be known for?”  “What do you want our organization to be known for?”  And just write down notes, just listen.  It’s kind of, you know, just an anecdotal survey, but just listen, and if you hear some differing answers, then you’ve got an issue.  If you see a consistent answer, that’s great because you’ve got focus.

But the second question is “What are you known for,” and that’s the customer’s question to answer.  And that’s their reflection on whether or not they are experiencing the vision of what we want to be known for.  And if they’re not, what that means is there’s a gap between those two questions of “What do you want to be known for?” and “What are you known for?”  The first question is ours to answer; the second question is the customer’s to answer.  And so it’s fairly simple, but it’s a lot of hard work.  It’s a lot of hard work to try to get that statement in a rallying cry.  This is your organization’s rallying cry.  And so if there’s confusion about this, then your organization will bog down in a lack of purpose.

Andrea:  Okay, so I know that you’ve done this before.  You’ve done this before with your organizations.  Do you have an example?

Jeff Henderson:  Sure.  So, I’m a lead pastor in Atlanta in a church called Gwinnett Church.  We have a couple of locations, and that’s what we did.  We asked the question, “What do we want to be known for?” and “What are we known for?”  When we started, we weren’t known for anything because we weren’t… I mean, we didn’t have a place to meet.  So we asked it globally.  I said, you know, “What is the church known for?”

And in this meeting, it was just a few of us, someone said, “Well, you know, many people are more familiar with what the church is against rather than what the church is for.  We should be known for what we’re for.”  And I thought, “Wow, that’s true.”  And so I said, “What do we want to be known for?”  “Well, we wanna be known for being for people, for Gwinnett kids, and for Gwinnett families, and for Gwinnett students because God’s for them.”  And so that really became a rallying cry for us and it was just “For Gwinnett”.

And when we bought the property of the church where we’re at, I just put a sign out there and it didn’t say, “Gwinnett church is coming soon,” it just said, “#For Gwinnett.”  That’s it.  And I got feedback from people saying, “Hey, how are they gonna know that’s a church?”  And I said, “Exactly, they’re not.  They’re gonna have to go ask somebody.”  And then we gave everybody T-shirts that says “For Gwinnett.”  And we said, “Hey, when people ask you, ‘What is that sign up there, what is that being built?’, you need to just tell them our vision statement of, ‘Many people are more familiar with what the church is against.  We want to be known for what we’re for.’”

And, Andrea, in those early days, that really began to gain traction with us.  But my point, larger point on that rather than just the church point, is the clarity that that communicated, and the fact that people could communicate that in grocery store aisles, ballparks, and restaurants… that’s really important.  Because what we were trying to do is to create more vision carriers that can carry that language and carry our vision, because the more vision carriers you have, the more vision casters you have.

And so whether you’re a business, nonprofit, you have an idea, you’re a solo entrepreneur, you’re a podcaster like yourself – what you’re doing with the voice of influence – you’re trying to gain more vision carriers because you have an important message to get out.  And so one of the reasons I wrote the book is to try to help organizations clarify how to get to those statements and how to break through the clutter.  So, this isn’t something I, you know, came up with for a couple of weeks, and said, “I’m gonna write a book on this.”  This is something I’ve been living and seeing for a number of years now.

Andrea:  Hmm.  All right, so once you kind of have the vision or you kind of have a vision in place, I know that you have to disseminate it.  You have to get it out there to everybody and help them to kind of latch onto it and that sort of thing.  I think you talk in your book about the four presenter voices?

Jeff Henderson:  Right.

Andrea:  So, can you tell us about those and how those help you and how we can kind of understand those to help us carry our vision forward?

Jeff Henderson:  Absolutely.  One of the ways that you can be for the customer, or your team, or your larger community is to be for you.  What I mean by that is that you and I need to grow.  We need to continue to progress.  We need to remain inspired and part of our roles is to communicate.  And the better you communicate, the better you lead.  And it really… it kind of comes down to that.  And eventually, leadership comes with a microphone, either literally or figuratively.  At some point, you’re standing up in front of a group of people, or you’re in a coffee shop across from somebody, and you’re trying to share, “Here’s the problem I see,” or “Here’s the opportunity I see and here’s where we’re going.”

And what I’ve discovered in coaching… I’ve coached communicators for over 20 years now, and it’s kind of a hobby of mine.  I enjoy it.  I used to play golf.  It wasn’t good for my spiritual life, so I gave that up.  And as a hobby, I just love coaching people too as they communicate, whether it’s a business person, an entrepreneur, pastor, or nonprofit, whatever.  And over these 20 years, I’ve discovered there are four presenter voices.  There may be more, Andrea, I don’t know, and it goes with my book Know What You’re FOR.  So there you go.

Andrea:  There you go.

Jeff Henderson: There’s the voice of the teacher, the voice of the motivator, the voice of the storyteller, and the voice of the visionary.  So storyteller, visionary, motivator, and teacher; and each one of these voices has a strength, and each one of these voices has a weakness.  And when you understand your strength and avoid the weakness, it helps you present better.

I’ll give you an example.  Let’s take the voice of the teacher.  So, the voice of the teacher, the strength is content.  So, if you have the voice of a teacher, what that means is one of your tensions is, “I don’t have enough time to get through all my content because I’ve got great content.”  That’s great.  That’s awesome.  The weakness of the teacher is the first five minutes of a talk.  It’s the connection because a lot of the teachers assume that everyone is just as interested in this topic as they are.

So, they zoom through the first five minutes and just go right to their content, and they haven’t connected with anyone.  They haven’t connected with the crowd, because what you want them to do in the first five minutes is to go, “Oh, I’m so glad I came here,” or “I’m so glad I’m here.  I’m gonna listen to this.  I’ve always wondered about that.”  So I tell teachers the most… if you’re giving a presentation, if you have the voice of the teacher, the most important part of your talk is the first five minutes, and you have to give me a reason to keep listening.  And if you can do that then you lean into the strength of the fact that you’ve got great content.

So each one of these has a weakness, each one of these has a strength.  The good news about the book, what I’ve done is I’ve given you a free survey.  All you got to do is you take it.  It’s a twenty question survey.  At the end of it, it says you’re a motivator or you’re a storyteller.  And there might be many of us that have maybe a predominant voice and maybe a kind of a secondary voice, that’s true.  And I think intuitively, we probably know which one of these we lean into.  It’s just helpful to understand that the voice, the strength of the voice, and the weakness of the voice so that you can really become a better communicator by avoiding the weakness and leveraging the strength.

Andrea:  Hmm, very interesting.  So how often do you see people integrating these different voices well once they kind of understand that they need to?

Jeff Henderson:  Well, the other thing we have to figure out is there aren’t just four presenter voices, there are also presenter environments.  So, for example, there’s a teaching environment, there’s a motivating environment, there’s a storytelling environment, and there’s a visionary environment.  An example of that would be today. So as you and I talked [about] before we started recording, I’m at a hotel, I’m speaking in a conference.  The environment that I’m in is a motivating environment.  We want to motivate you to build your business.  Well, that’s a great one for me because I have the voice of a motivator.  So, here I am as a motivator in a motivating environment.  That’s great.

Let’s say I’m going to a university, and I’m going to teach on marketing.  Now, I’m a motivator voice in a teaching environment.  Knowing that that’s the case, I’ve got to make sure that my content is really good and really strong.  Not that it doesn’t need to be in a motivating environment, but if you’re there to motivate people, that’s a natural strength of a motivator.  Because interestingly enough, when it comes to the motivator, their strength and weakness is the exact opposite of a teacher.  They easily can connect with the crowd in the first five minutes, but their weakness is in the middle part of the talk with the content.

And you can tell if a motivator has done their work or not by about the ten minute mark of their talk.  And I can tell if he or she has really worked on it because you can tell that they’ve naturally got the gift of connecting with the crowd and that’s great.  But then if they haven’t done their work, that starts to get a little unclear in the middle.  And what they’re doing is, is they’re leaning on their natural gift in the first ten minutes, and they’re now in the tension part of their talk because they’re not as good at content.

So, you got to understand your voice, but you also have to understand, “What environment am I going into?”  And if it’s a teaching environment with someone like me who has a motivating voice, I got to make sure that my content after the ten minute mark is just as strong as the beginning.

Andrea:  Context is so everything, isn’t it?

Jeff Henderson:  It is, it is.  Yeah, for example, before this talk I’m doing, I had to ask the question, “What is the win?  Who’s coming to this?  Who are they?  When they walk away, what do you want them to feel?  What do you want them to have?”  All of that is really important work you’ve got to do up front.

Andrea:  Yeah.  Okay, so what if you’re wanting to motivate customers? If you’re wanting to sort of intrigue them, whether it’s nonprofit or profit – I mean, your customer in a nonprofit would probably be somebody that would accept the message or participate or donate – how do you use this with them?

Jeff Henderson:  I’ll give you a great example, and that’s a great question.  I think where marketing is shifting and messaging is shifting is we feel the natural inclination to talk about how great our organization is and “Look at what we’re doing,” and “Look at our products,” and all of that.  And I’m not saying you shouldn’t do that, but what I’m saying is we need to shift spotlight more onto the customers and the people that we’re trying to engage with, and to say, “Hey, our organization is for you and we want to talk more about you than we do about ourselves.”

An example of this would be… it’s as if you could use a sports analogy, and let’s just pick on the business world for example.   If we’re in a stadium, the business is on the field trying to score touchdown, and the customers are in the stands trying to cheer them on, “Hey, look at you.  Look how great you are.  You’re better than your competitors.”  What I’m seeing, what I’m really pleading with organizations and churches is they need to flip the script.  They need to put the customers on the field and cheer them on in their lives and say, “Our business is here for you.”  And an example of that would be, where this isn’t working, is in social media.

In social media, many businesses and nonprofits do this as well, it’s all about what’s happening inside the four walls of the organization, if you will, or “Look how great our products are,” or “We’re cheaper than our competitors.”  And you know, the consumer is so sophisticated now.  It doesn’t surprise us that they think they’re better than their competition.  That’s not new information to us, but can you start talking about me and my life and what we’re doing and what’s going on in our lives.

So, I say that to say, when we start talking with our customers, we need to make sure that we are talking with them, not at them.  And most of marketing is talking at people, and we need to talk with them.  And an example that would be I was sharing this at a large nonprofit in Charlotte, and someone raised her hand and said, “Hey, I think I know what you’re talking about.  So, I’m a big Starbucks fan, and I posted a picture of a Starbucks mug, and I just tagged them.  And then they commented on back on my Instagram and said, ‘Thank you for loving Starbucks, we love you too,’” or whatever.  And she said, “I took a screenshot of that and sent it to all my friends and said, ‘Wow, Starbucks talked to me today.’”  And I said, “Okay, let me ask you a question.  What other Starbucks Instagram posts have you taken a screenshot on and sent to your friends?”  And she said, “Oh, I’ve never done that.”  And I said, “Exactly.”  The more remarkable you are in talking with your customers instead of at your customers, that’s where this is going.

And the organizations that can shift the focus toward “with” instead of “at,” they’re going to gain greater traction because people are experiencing that and they’re going, “Wow, they actually noticed me.  They’re actually for me, I’m going to be for them.”  So that’s a real simple but powerful example, I think of where this is all changing.

Andrea:  So good.  It’s so true too.  Okay, we’re kind of wrapping up now.  So, if you could really just sort of give one of your best tips for somebody who wants to have a voice of influence, what would you say to them?

Jeff Henderson:  Be humble or be humbled.  It’s a principle throughout the pages of history, be humble.  But here’s the deal, Andrea, humility is this really odd thing in the sense of… “You know what one of the best qualities about me, Andrea, is I’m a really humble person.”  Okay, you’ve already admitted that you’re not at that point, right?  So, I think we have to understand humility is one of these things that it’s not so much something that we attain to, it’s something that we practice.

So, every day, I’m going to practice humility because at heart, I’m a prideful person, so what I need to do today is I need to practice humility.  The reason I think from a voice of influence that’s important, a mentor of mine said that “God resists the proud and so do we.”  And I think that is so true, people want to follow humble leaders.  And when you have humility, genuine humility, along the way will come influence.  It’s remarkable how that works.

And I’ll give you an example.  When I was working in marketing at Chick-fil-A, one of the markets I worked for was the Denver market in Denver, Colorado.  And we were opening our first Denver free-standing unit in Chick-fil-A.  So, I was flying out for the grand opening and Bubba Cathy is the son of Truett Cathy, the founder and vice president of the company, and he was flying with me.  So, we walked up to the Delta counter – this is, you know, way before 9/11 and all that, so security wasn’t as tight as it is now as we walk up. And they typed my name, and then they see Bubba Cathy and they say, “Oh, the Cathy family, they spent a lot of money with Delta with Chick-fil-A.”  So, they said, “Mr. Cathy, we are so grateful for your family.  We’ve gone ahead and upgraded you to first class for your flight to Denver.”

So, Bubba looks at the flight attendant and says, “Hey, thank you so much for doing that, but could you do me another favor?”  And she said, “Yes sir.”  He said, “Could you give my first class ticket to Jeff instead of me?”  And I’d never flown first class before, so my ticket is in literally the back of the plane, right?  So, Bubba gets my back-of-the-plane ticket, I get his first class ticket.  Andrea, I’d never been up there before as I told you.  They give you these hot little towels for your hands.  It’s amazing.

And now here’s my point.  Would it have been wrong if Bubba had taken the first class seat?  Not at all, that would not have been wrong at all, but I would not have been talking about it twenty-two years later.  And here I am twenty-two years later, and there’s a principle in the scriptures that says, “If you will humble yourself, you will be exalted.”  So, Bubba, in that moment, humbled himself, and here I am twenty-two years later talking about this.  The reason I think that’s important, Andrea, is that I think it ties directly into what you’re doing is influence.  And one of the ways that we can influence people is to let them go first, to serve them, to be humble.  And when you are humble and practice humility, people are influenced by that and you have more credibility with them.

So, I would say, and I teach my kids this, you got one of two choices.  You can be humble or life will humble you.  Be humble or be humbled – your choice, and life will do a fantastic job of humbling you if you don’t go first.  So, let’s go first.  But when you go first, you will get influence.

Andrea:  Hmm, very good.  Awesome!  Okay, so Jeff, if anybody wants to connect with you, how can they do so or find your book?

Jeff Henderson:  I would love for them to just search for Barnes & Noble or Amazon, Know What You’re For.  And I would love for them to get the book and – my friend Bob Goff did this, but I thought it was a great idea – so I put my cell phone number in the back of the book, so people are texting me every single day, and I absolutely love it, and they’re telling me what they learned or they have a question about.  So, if you’ll get the book, buy the book, and then text me after you read it, I promise you – I’m 100% so far – I will text you right back.

Andrea:  That’s fantastic.  All right, thank you so much for being with us here today, Jeff, and for being a voice of influence for our listeners.

Jeff Henderson:  So honored.

How to Trust Your Team With Your Business with Stacy Tuschl

Episode 118

Stacy Tuschl started her own business at the age of 18 in her parents’ backyard and turned that into a multimillion-dollar company that she still runs today.

Stacy is also a bestselling author and founder of the Foot Traffic Formula that helps small businesses get more customers in the door. She was recently named the 2019 Wisconsin Small Business Person of the Year by the United States Small Business Administration.

In this episode, Stacy talks about the four phases of her Foot Traffic Formula that she created as a result of utilizing foot traffic to grow her business to where it is today, the importance of taking the time to really evaluate what works in your business and what doesn’t, the lies many of her clients tell themselves that have a negative impact on their businesses, what the transition was like for as she expanded her business and began building a support team, how she trains new team members to ensure their success, how she communicates her brand identity to her new members, her company’s four values, how she handles team members who cause drama, and more!

Mentioned in this episode:

Play here (the red triangle below), on iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn Radio (Amazon Alexa) or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Stacy Tuschl Voice of Influence Podcast Andrea Joy Wenburg

 

Transcript

Hey, hey! It’s Andrea, and welcome to the Voice of Influence podcast where we explore the intersection of human dynamics, communication, and service, all under the umbrella of influence. So, if you’re interested in growing your own voice of influence or the influence of those on your team, check us out at voiceofinfluence.net and we would love to talk.

Today, I have with me Stacy Tuschl. Stacy started her own business at the age of eighteen in her parents’ backyard and turned that company. That company that she started at eighteen into a multi-million dollar business that she still runs today. Congratulations on that by the way, that’s fantastic. She is a bestselling author and founder of the Foot Traffic Formula, helping small businesses get more customers in the door. Stacy was recently named the “2019 Wisconsin Small Business Person of the Year” by the United States Small Business Administration.

Andrea: Congratulations, Stacy, and welcome to the Voice of Influence podcast!

Stacy Tuschl: Hi Andrea, thank you so much for having me.

Andrea: Well, I’m really interested, what is that business that you started at eighteen?

Stacy Tuschl: Yeah. So, I started teaching dance classes in my parents’ backyard. We had seventeen little middle school girls coming to the backyard, and within three years we had a hundred kids. And now today – this is actually our 17th year – we have about a thousand music and dance students that come to us every single week. And we have two locations here in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Andrea: Wow, that’s awesome!

Stacy Tuschl: Thank you.

Andrea: What are some of the things that you suggest that people do to grow, to get more foot traffic? Now I know that that’s part of what you talk about so tell us just a little bit about that too.

Stacy Tuschl: Yeah. So, one of the things that happen very naturally and organically for me was we just kept growing. And we started in 2002, so even through the recession, 2008 and beyond, we just kept getting bigger and bigger, and people started to go, “How is this happening? Most people are going out of business or they’re losing business, but you’re getting bigger.” We built our first custom million-dollar-plus building – which for Wisconsin, that’s a pretty nice-looking building – we built that in 2008.

I mean, literally our contractors, as we were building the building, were going out of business. We had to hire new people to keep building, and our little dance studio was just blossoming. So people started to say, “How are you doing this? Tell us what you’re doing.” And I naturally just started to kind of teach what we were doing. And with our Foot Traffic Formula, it’s these four phases, you know, it’s driving traffic to our business, getting people to understand who we are, that we exist, what we do, what we can do for them.

And then the next piece is really making sure that we’re driving them to us, but we’ve got to capture and touch them, and get their contact information, make that first connection. That next piece is transaction, how do we get them to actually buy with us today. And then that last piece is tracking, which is really understanding your numbers, what’s working, what’s not, and just doing more of what’s already working.

I always tell people, “You’re throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks, but you’re not looking to see what’s sticking. Like, you’re throwing it and then you’re gone to the next thing.” But when we throw it, we look and we’re like, “Why did that stick? Why did that not?” And then we go from there and that’s a big, big part of what we do here at Foot Traffic.

Andrea: Hmm. Why do you suppose it is so hard for people to kind of… you know, they’re trying new things, but they’re not necessarily going back to figure out what is it that works. Why is that so hard for people to do?

Stacy Tuschl: Yeah, that’s a great question and it was hard for me. I mean, I don’t want anybody thinking naturally I was able to do this. I had to learn a lot. I’ve really just invested in growing and learning about how do I make this be a true business versus just a hobby. I think, first of all, one of my problems was I’m a doer. And I think a lot of entrepreneurs, we like to do and we feel like how we can measure our success is by how hard we worked and what we’ve done.

I grew up in an entrepreneurial family where my family has a construction business, and I watched them be very successful, but I watched them work. I watched them, you know, be out before the sun got up, and I watched them come home after the sun went down.

And for me, it’s like a lot of us, the way that we grew up is we watched really hardworking people, and now we’re trying to do that too. But I think we’re not understanding is a different time, it’s a different world. We can actually have very successful businesses and not have to work as hard as generations previously. So, I think we’re just so used to doing, doing, doing, but we’re not stopping to actually see what is working, what is moving the needle in our business, and what we really should be truly focusing on.

And I also think it’s a mindset that entrepreneur, like if you’re a quick start, I don’t know about you, Andrea, but I love like getting new ideas and implementing. That’s the fun stuff. It’s hard to stick with something. It’s hard to finish it, and it’s hard to do the non-fun, you know, spreadsheets and numbers. A lot of people don’t like that stuff. And honestly, I always say to people, “That’s where the fun stuff is actually happening. That’s where the profit margin shows up. That’s when you start to see the difference in your bank account when you get to that tracking section.”

Andrea: So true, yes. I am also a quick start, but you’re right, if you don’t go back, I mean… I’ve heard it over and over here in podcast interviews that one of the keys to success, in general, is the ability to take a step back and do some reflection. So that makes a lot of sense.

Stacy Tuschl: Yeah. It takes a lot of discipline, and it’s something that I’ve had to work on because I love that next thing, like go, go, go. And it’s hard to sit still. It feels like, “Am I doing anything? Should I be doing more?” You start to question it, and that mindset just starts to really jump in and question yourself.

Andrea: When you work with businesses, what are some of the biggest internal challenges that you’re seeing women face in growing their businesses? Those things that are going on inside?

Stacy Tuschl: Yeah. I think the thing we just brought up with that mindset is we’re telling ourselves so many lies, and maybe we’re making excuses. Maybe we truly believe it, but we’re saying things like, “I just don’t have time.” “I don’t really have the money.” “I could never grow my team.” “It’s too difficult.” “It’s too expensive.” “I would never want to do that.” “It doesn’t sound fun,” right? “It feels heavy.” Like, we’re making up all of these things that I said. Either we’re believing them or we’re allowing ourselves to believe them so we have an excuse to stay in our comfort zone, right?

It’s really easy to feel good where we’re at right now, and that next level, we don’t know if we can do it. We don’t know if it’s possible. We don’t know how well it will be received from our audience, our customers. And it’s scary to do something you’ve never done before. And as an entrepreneur, we are faced to do that every single day. So, I just think a lot of times we get stuck in our own ways, and we self-sabotage because we like where we are right now, even if… I should say we liked the feeling of where we are right now even if we’re not happy with our bank account, our business, our team, it’s still a little scarier to branch out and do something you’ve never done before.

Andrea: Hmm. So true, and especially if you sort of grow up being really good at something like the craft of dancing and then you’re sharing that with others, that sort of thing. Then you took it many steps further. You created a business out of it that wasn’t just about you, but you obviously must have a number of people that are teachers now. So, you took that to that next level. Why is it hard for people to go from that point of, “This is what I do, I’m really good at that,” to actually building the team?

Stacy Tuschl: Yeah. A lot of us start as what I call the technician, right? So I was the dance teacher. Every Sunday, we had a hundred kids getting dropped off, and I was the only teacher. And then finally when I think I just had to really take a look at what do I want this to be and how is this truly going to grow. And when I realized it was so much bigger than anything I could do on my own, I had to give up the fact that I didn’t know how to hire.

And I’ve never been a manager, or a leader in that way, or had to be responsible for payroll, or you know, somebody else’s family and them having to pay the mortgage. And all of those fears kind of came in. And I will tell you that I have a team right now of… I think we have about forty-five employees in my Brick & Mortar, and then I think we have a team of about six in my online business in Foot Traffic. And the bigger we get, the easier it gets. And people just don’t believe me when I say that. But I really truly believe, I mean there’s no way I could be running the business I’m running.

My Brick & Mortar, just so you guys know, I don’t work in the business. I don’t teach dance classes. I don’t take phone calls. I don’t work the front desk. I strictly work in my home office on the business, and you can’t do that if you’re the technician. It’s just too difficult. My daughter, she’s six and she always used to say, “When I grow up, I’m gonna be a dance teacher like Mom.” And she didn’t realize, I’ve never taught a dance class since she was born. But she doesn’t know that, she thinks I’m a dance teacher, and she just recently said, “How come you never teach, Mom?” She was like, observing me, and I had to explain to her.

At some point, it got so big, I almost feel like I became the principal at a school. You know, the principal doesn’t teach classes. His whole focus is just to make sure everything runs smooth, and that’s what I’m doing in my business. And I think so many times we get stuck, if we’re using the school analogy, thinking we have to be the teacher, but that’s not the case because the bigger you get, pretty soon a principal needs to step in and really help with running everything.

And I think maybe, again, we feel comfortable staying small, we get nervous of what that feels like. But when you’re growing a team and you’re delegating, trust me, it is a skill. If you say, “I’m a control freak, I can’t imagine letting somebody else do this,” you just have to learn. I mean, it’s a skill that you will have to get better at. You will have hard mistakes that maybe cost you money or cost you more time. But in the long run, it will make you more money than you can do on your own, and it will save you so, so much time.

Andrea: Do you ever miss being the technician?

Stacy Tuschl: Not in my dance studio. I have friends that do miss it, and we’ll go back to it. And I think that’s maybe why I don’t miss it is because if I wanted to, I could teach a class right now. I could put out a Facebook ad saying, “Hey, Miss Stacy’s, you know, gonna be in the studio this day in time,” and I could sell that class. So, I think because I know, as the owner, I can do whatever I want to do, that if I want do it, I can do it.

So, I think for me, as I’ve evolved… I mean, I started that business literally the summer I graduated high school – I was still seventeen, and now I’m thirty-five. I’ve grown up, you know, and I think I realized too, as somebody who grew up in an entrepreneurial family, I didn’t realize how much of this business stuff I was going to love. And now that’s like, the part that I’m obsessed with is I just love business and I love what it can do for our families, our community, our customers, just everybody.

Andrea: You really do have to fall in love with the process, the business process.

Stacy Tuschl: Yeah, you do.

Andrea: Okay, so when it comes to building that team, was it hard for you to let go of your students? Was it hard to sort of put your… I don’t know, your brand, I guess, in the hands of other people? Was that difficult?

Stacy Tuschl: Yeah, it was a little scary, and I kept thinking, these are the stories you tell yourself, like, “Everybody’s going to want me,” right? Like, “Who’s going to want to work with this person? I’m that person.” But here’s the thing, it wasn’t like overnight, I was the main person, then I was out. It was a gradual, and I’m talking several, several years. So, maybe I first took off a few of my classes. Like, I cut my classes in half, and I only taught my favorite classes that I love to teach. Which when you think about it, that’s me being in my zone of genius, so it makes more sense, right?

And then, you know, I slowly started to lose more and more classes until I decided, “Okay, it’s time for me to really own other areas of this business.” I wasn’t the front desk. I didn’t really fully do a lot of the admin stuff at the time because I was so bogged down by being in the classroom. So then I was out of the classroom, but I started to work the desk. And then I was working in marketing, and I was really trying to own these areas, put systems in place, and then I would hire somebody. But before I would step out… I think when people hire people, they think, “Well, I hired her, and she doesn’t know what she’s doing. And I’m very confused why this is… you know, she should be doing this.”

You don’t hire somebody and they magically know your brand, your business, your vision, your values. You have to teach them. So when somebody comes and they work for us… I should say when I was training, they would come with me, I would teach them how I would do it. They would watch me and observe me, then there was a period we would do it together, and then there was a period where they did it and I observed before I ever let them go out on their own. So that’s how you get comfortable putting other people in a role that you used to do, and you will have so much [of] that fear of, “Uh, can she do this?” It’s like you’re raising children, and you’re teaching them how to like, leave the nest. That’s what you’re doing with your employees and your team.

Andrea: How did you and how do you now communicate the DNA of your company – the mission, vision, values, all those sorts of things. How do you communicate that and make sure that your team is really embodying that?

Stacy Tuschl: Yeah, definitely. So, we have company values, and it’s something that we try to have in as many places as possible where it’s almost like, so in your face that you can’t not understand we have company values. So, whether it’s social media, in our lobby, in emails, in newsletters, like, it’s just everywhere. But then at the same time, we want to acknowledge. So, I think when you have company values and you do them once, but you never talk about them and people in your team can’t remember what they are, it’s really hard to say that you’re embodying those values.

So, one of the things that we do is we are rewarding our employees as we see them. So, actually, we do a monthly leadership meeting, and one of our staff said, “Okay, I actually saw one of our teachers do this. He was off the clock. He was helping this student. Like, wow, this really embodied like the high standards aspect of our company values.”

So what happens is we acknowledge, once a week, a certain employee. We kind of shout them out. We share this to the public, to our Facebook, social media, all of that. But we do it internally to the other staff and say, “We want to acknowledge this person. This is what we noticed – like, what a great way to display this value. We honor you, we see you – like, so grateful for you.” And we actually give them a $10 gift card to Amazon, and every single week, somebody new is being picked.

So, when you’re talking about fifty-two times a year we’re bringing up a value and talking about a way that somebody displayed it… First, it’s really starting to make you remember which values are really embodied in your business. Second, when you see other people getting awards, you’re thinking, “Oh.” Like it almost makes you up a level to go, “I wanna be the person that gets acknowledged. I wanna be that person that they’re talking about.” So, I think it really kind of steps everybody up. Like, a little inside competition like that is good for everybody. You know what I mean?

Andrea: Sure.

Stacy Tuschl: Not in a negative way, but just to really stretch your team.

Andrea: I think it kind of helps people to even see what’s possible. Sometimes people, if it’s not there in front of them, they don’t even know that it could be like this. But when they’re hearing it, and then they’re seeing it, and then they become it, I mean, that’s just… it’s really great.

Stacy Tuschl: Absolutely, yeah. And I think instead of just saying like, “One of our company’s values is high standards,” to just say a story that goes along with it, and people are like, “Oh, that’s what she means, right?” All of a sudden it’s a lot easier for them to understand like, what you expect of them.

Andrea: Hmm. Do you have any other tips for leading a team? Anything in particular, especially when it comes to trying to influence people to work together, that sort of thing?

Stacy Tuschl: So, even going off of the values in Foot Traffic, we have four company values. Number one is integrity, number two is high standards, number three is resourceful, and number four is results driven. So before we even hire somebody on our team, they do a test project – which weeds out so many people right there because they’re thinking, “I’m not doing a project if I’m not getting paid to do a project.” So, when somebody is turning in this kind of like test assignment, all we do is we look at our four values, and we rate them on those values.

So, what’s fun is they don’t know that those values exist. Maybe they do, maybe they’ve checked out our website, but maybe they don’t. And they’re giving you this assignment and you’re judging them off of their personality type and how they would approach any assignment. So, what’s nice is when you finally hire that person, one of the first conversations I have is those four company values and how they basically got the job, like where they just excelled. And imagine as somebody who’s brand new to the team, and you’re sitting here sharing with them like, where they are just a rock star and why we picked them.

Again, when you hear the things you’re good at, you have a tendency to want to do more of what you’re being acknowledged for, right? So, we’ve hired the right person. She has displayed those four values and now in thirty days when we talked to this person again, all we do is go over those four values and we say where we think we’ve seen them over the last thirty days, what’s working. Maybe where we’d like to see a little bit more in one of those categories, and we’ll reevaluate in another thirty days.

And when you pick these values that really align with what you’re expecting, they can’t be fluffy. Like, you can steal mine if they really are yours, but if you’re like, “Oh, it sounds good.” No, with us… I mean, integrity, it means if you say you’re going to do something, you’re going to do something. And when we have high standards, we expect you to treat each other with kindness. We expect you to go above and beyond for our customers. We expect you when you present your tasks for the week, they’re not just average, but they really are above and beyond. We expect you to not just be reactive when there’s a problem, but proactive to resolve problems that don’t even have to happen.

And then the last one is we’re looking to get the job done and that’s why it’s results driven. So when we look at that person, I mean, it’s just such an A-player, and it makes us feel confident. We’ve hired the right person and we’re going to keep her accountable to those four values.

Andrea: Hmm. I really loved the idea of making sure to say, “This is why we picked you.”

Stacy Tuschl: Yeah.

Andrea: I think that that’s got to be really influential in how they then approach their job in the future.

Stacy Tuschl: Yeah. And I mean, I haven’t applied for a job in quite awhile, but I remember, you know, going into these interviews and then getting hired, and you’re nervous, and you’re not sure if they like you or what you should be doing or what you’re good at. And when you can just off the bat say, “Listen, we noticed this about you and we’re excited,” they know where to lean into, and you’ll just have such a great start with them.

Andrea: Great. Okay, so I’m guessing that at your dance studio you probably have a lot of women that are on the team, and you’ve worked with a lot of businesses that potentially have women on the team, maybe lots of women on the team. One of the things that I have heard a lot about over the years is just this tendency for there to be a lot of drama when there’s a lot of women together. Is that you’ve seen, number one, but number two, what do you think are some of the common aspects of companies that actually don’t have a lot of drama, but they have a lot of women on the team? Like, why is that?

Stacy Tuschl: I think it’s like, you get what you tolerate, right? So if you’re letting it happen because, “Oh, it’s normal. Everybody complains about their job so if they’re complaining about me…” You know, that’s just something where I’m going to address something that I have an issue with. And yes, I mean, 99% of our students are girls. I would say like, 90% of our employees are women. And I have two sisters, no brothers. I have two daughters, no sons. I mean, everything about my life is all girls, and I’m not a drama person, and I just think it’s because I just won’t tolerate it.

And so many of us, again, just think, “Well, I have to tolerate it so I guess this is just gonna be what we need to happen.” And you set the tone, right. So, they’re following you. So, be very conscious of the way that you’re talking to other employees, that you’re discussing things with leadership team, and all of that because they’re going to follow your lead for sure.

Andrea: So when it happens, when you do happen to see a little bit of drama – maybe you’ve tried to set the tone, but you do happen to see some drama – how do you approach it? How do you make sure that they understand that it’s not tolerated?

Stacy Tuschl: Yeah. So, and I don’t want you to think that it doesn’t happen because it would be physically impossible for the amount of people in my life that this wouldn’t happen. So, last year, I had a situation where I had somebody on the team who was constantly re-sharing things that were happening that maybe had nothing to do with her, that was kind of like lighting a fire under it, and it was becoming a thing. You know what I mean? Like, if she would have just not said anything, nothing would have happened. But because she was sharing things, things were starting to escalate.

So, I had to sit down and discuss this. And what we first realized was she believed… like, I believed that was gossip, and she believed that it was just her sharing her opinion. And when you don’t agree that it’s the same thing, you have to really understand and come to those terms that like, I understand where she’s coming from, but I wanted her to know that I perceive it as gossip, and I will not tolerate this in the future. And it had happened already more than once. And this was me saying, “I’m dead serious here, and I love you. I love having you here, but if this continues, you will not be a good fit to be here.”

And this was a really a serious conversation. I mean, it definitely ended in some tears, but she took it seriously, and we haven’t had a problem since. And I think it’s just having those hard conversations when they come up versus how easy is it just to vent to somebody – your spouse, one of the employees, like, “I can’t believe she’s doing this again,” – but not actually like, going to her and saying, “This is a problem. I don’t want this to keep happening. You know, I want this to be a good working relationship with us, but how do you think I feel when all of these things are sparking because you keep sharing and spreading things that don’t have anything to do with you,” right?

So yeah, it’s hard. I hate having those hard conversations, but I really hate being mad at something that just continues to happen when I have not said anything about it.

Andrea: I was just going to ask, do you feel like it is hard for you to be direct like that, but obviously you just said it is kind of hard, but…did you ever find it just like, “Oh my gosh, I’m so afraid of having this conversation, but I’m gonna have to do it anyway.” How did you get over that hump into actually having those hard conversations?

Stacy Tuschl: Yes. So first of all, every personality is different. So, some of you might be able to have that conversation so easily, whether you grew up in a way that your family was just very honest and that’s how you’ve learned. For me, that’s not the way that I grew up, and it’s almost like I would rather brush it under the rug, but I know that it’s going to slow my business down, and it’s going to hurt me, and it’s going to hurt, like, the growth in the business. So a couple of things is sometimes it just takes longer than it needs to for me, and I realized that that is a weakness, and I need to just get more direct. It’s better for them, and it’s better for you, right?

I mean, no employee wants to hear that you’ve been so mad at them for like six months or a year, and you’re finally bringing it up. I mean, nobody wants to hear that. So as tough as it is, go there out of love, go there and explain to them that, “I really like you. I really would like to see this work, but I do want to address this.” Then another thing that I realized with me is as my team started to get bigger, I was no longer even able to hire people. I wasn’t able to be there as much as they needed for me to hire. So, I started to have like, department heads come in and to hire their departments.

And one of the things that I did was I made sure I put managers in place that could hire and fire because it’s a lot easier for me to be like, “This person needs to go. You’re gonna to have to tell her,” right? Versus “I’ve got to go fire everybody.” I actually don’t fire anybody in my business right now. Like, you get hired by… our rule is whoever hires you, fires you. I don’t hire. Now, if you have been with me… I mean, I’ve been open a long, long time and people had been with me for over a decade when I maybe hired them, if one of those people were to be let go, I would absolutely be the person to let them go out of respect.

However, now moving forward, there’s almost like many bosses in my business because of how large we are. And hiring somebody that can almost be the void in your weakness, even if she has to tag team it with you when you have the conversation together, that could be really helpful, or bring your spouse in if they’re in your business as well.

Andrea: Hmm. So it’s time for us to kind of wrap things up. I’m wondering what sort of last bit of tip about having a voice of influence would you like to leave with our audience?

Stacy Tuschl: I would say just really being true to yourself. We talked about taking that time to reflect; and the more you can learn really truly who you are, and what you stand for, and what you believe in, what you’re passionate about, the more you can really bring your authentic self and not have to feel like, “Oh, I should be doing this,” or “I need to be doing this.” You’ll naturally be doing those things. So, I think just taking that time and on a consistent basis – it’s not a one-time homework assignment. It’s something where you really need to step back and decide, “When am I taking these breaks?” “When am I reflecting?” “When am I deciding?” “What’s next for me and my business?” And as you start to do that, I think as a voice of influence, it will naturally be coming to you so much more.

Andrea: Hmm, so good. All right, Stacy, thank you so much for being on the podcast today and a voice of influence for our listeners.

Stacy Tuschl: Thank you so much for having me, Andrea. I really appreciate it.

Are You a Helper or a Guide? with Rosanne Moore

Episode 117

I’m incredibly excited to introduce you to Rosanne Moore. Rosanne is my Communication Strategist and the producer of this podcast. Basically, she’s my right-hand woman.

Rosanne and I first met in 2012 and, while she did edit my book, UNFROZEN: Stop Holding Back and Release the Real You, she’s been officially part of my business since February 2019 and I’m so grateful for her. Not only has she been a joy to work with, but she’s also been my lifeline.

In this episode, we discuss how I knew Rosanne would be a good fit for my team, the time she called me out when I wasn’t owning my voice, how the movie Frozen inspired my book, how editing my book helped her process the ending of her marriage, the four conflicting voices she discovered in my book during the editing process, the difference between teaching a body of knowledge and teaching something you embody, the difference between being a helper and being a guide, and more!

Mentioned in this episode:

Play here (the red triangle below), on iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn Radio (Amazon Alexa) or wherever you listen to podcasts.

 

Transcript

Hey, hey! It’s Andrea, and welcome to the Voice of Influence podcast. It is really my joy to have with me today Rosanne Moore. Rosanne is actually in our business. She is our podcast producer. She helps coordinate logistics for the podcast, and she helps with a number of other things, strategy to communication – communication strategist, I like to call her. But Rosanne is really my right-hand woman right now, so I’m really grateful for Rosanne. She’s been a part of the business since February, I believe it is, in 2019, and just has been such a joy for me to have and not just a joy, but, like a lifeline. It’s been really helpful, and I’m thrilled to introduce to you Rosanne Moore.

Andrea: Rosanne, welcome to the Voice of Influence podcast!

Rosanne: Thank you. This is an exciting opportunity and I have loved this year working with you.

Andrea: Awesome! Yes, yes, it’s been fun. It’s like, you know, when you get to do things with your friends and you know that it’s meaningful. How does it get better than that?

Rosanne: Right. And I love the fact that you really practice what you preach in terms of how you set up your teams. And so it’s fun working with you and knowing that we really are a team and that what I’m doing is making a difference.

Andrea: Absolutely.

Rosanne: So, it’s always a good thing for a job.

Andrea: Definitely. And I think one of the important pieces of that is just, first of all, the level of respect that I have for you. I think we have to start with that.  When you’re building a team, if you’re wanting to have everybody have a voice of influence, you want to have some respect for the people that are working in the team. And so for me, one of the ways that I knew that we would be a good fit was that you were the editor for my book Unfrozen.

Rosanne: Right.

Andrea: And the way that we knew that that would work…Well, shoot, let’s just take them back, shall we?

Rosanne: I was thinking the same thing.

Andrea: So, backtracking, step-by-step. So, we met in, I believe it was 2012 at Larry Crab’s School of Spiritual Direction, NextStep. He has this School of Spiritual Direction, two different levels. We’d both previously been to the first week individually, and then we were at the same one at the same time in 2012 for the NextStep, and that’s where I met Rosanne.

Rosanne: Yes. And I’ve done more than one of his schools, and that week in particular, our group, just kind of… a core part of us just stayed together and extended the relationship well beyond that week. And so when you approached me a few years later about the book, we had been in touch enough and had shared life enough that it was really exciting to me. We had so much in common.

Andrea: Yeah. Yeah, we stayed in touch. I remember, Rosanne, that was a really hard week for me, and I’m bringing us back to that because I do actually talk about it in the book. And it was a hard week for me because I had been depressed for a couple of years since having our son. So, he was still just two, and our daughter was four, or approximately those ages. And I went to NextStep thinking, “What am I supposed to…sort of, what’s my next step? Who in the world am I? What am I supposed to do with this person that I am?” I was in personal turmoil, for sure. And I know you had plenty going on in your life as well.

Rosanne: Right. I was in the midst of a marriage that was coming to a close, and that week was struggling with, “Is there any way to salvage this?” And so, yes, I was very much in transition at that point as well. And, yeah, different circumstances for both of us, but I think we were asking a lot of the same questions.

Andrea: Yes, yes. And I remember that we had a conversation in which…it was, like, at the dinner table.

Rosanne: Uh-huh.

Andrea: I don’t know if you remember this, but I remember I got on fire about something, and I can get on fire. I don’t always do that in front of people, but because sometimes I get too fiery, you know, or too icy, if you will, which we’ll get to in a second. But, anyway, I was on fire about something, and I think it had to do with women and their voice in the church.

Rosanne: Yeah.

Andrea: And I knew that I was really struggling and didn’t know what to talk about it. I didn’t really want to sort of be known for questioning that.

Rosanne: Right.

Andrea: And we got into the room with Larry Crabb, and everybody’s sitting there. And then I remember you said, “Andrea had something to say about this at supper.”

Rosanne: I put you on the spot without meaning to, right?

Andrea: You called me out!

Rosanne: I so related to what you said, and I thought you articulated it so well, so clearly. And then the questions that you were bringing up, the battle that you were wrestling with was one that so many women in particular wrestle with. And the whole thing of, “How do I juggle it all” and “Who do I really want to be, apart from all the stereotypes of what I ‘should’ be as a good woman”, and all of that. And you just articulated that so well. That is why I wanted more discussion on it and then, yeah, I put you on the spot without meaning to.

Andrea: It was good for me. It was good for me, for sure, because there were a lot of times that I hold back because I know I have something fiery inside, and, quite frankly, I am afraid of it.

Rosanne: Yeah, yeah.

Andrea: I’m afraid of that passion and that energy because, what if I’m wrong, number one. What if I hurt somebody, number two, and what if I alienate myself, number three. So, for me, to be in that environment where I needed to go ahead and step out, and say what I needed to say because you felt like it resonated… I feel like that is such an interesting picture of the way that our relationship has progressed, Rosanne, and how we believe that God has been putting us together, and using us and the way that we move in the world now, yeah.

Rosanne: Yeah. I remember the concern at the time, because you were concerned that it was going to come on too strong, and Larry’s response initially was kind of, “Well, don’t be about your own voice just for your own voice’s sake, about ‘being heard.’” And what I said at the time was – what resonated with me was – I didn’t feel a selfish, self-directed element to what you had shared. It really was about, “How do I show up and be the woman that God has called me to be? How do I bring to the world what I’m called to do?” Not in a, like, demanding “here I am” sort of way, but not being afraid, like you said, of being present, and showing up, and offering as a gift whatever it is that God has put in our hearts. And that was what I so strongly resonated with and still do.

Andrea: That’s awesome! So, yeah, so fast forward a couple of years, I needed help. I remember I had a blog post… an article that I was writing for an, I don’t know, what do you call them, an online magazine, I guess. And I needed some editing help. So, you helped me with that, and then I realized your capabilities in that area, which then led to me asking you to be the editor of Unfrozen when it was time.

So, let’s talk for a minute. When this episode comes out, it’s interesting because Frozen II will have just come out. So we are actually recording before I’ve even seen that movie, before I’ve seen Frozen II, and the sort of impetus for Unfrozen and the title for the book, the reason why I started writing it in the first place had to do with the movie Frozen. So, the reason why it matters is that when I initially saw that movie Frozen, I was so struck by all the parallels that I saw between my life and Elsa’s life. And those were very conceptual.

I wasn’t literally locked away in a castle but, you know, the ideas of holding back and hiding and covering up one’s hands so that you didn’t feel everything. You know, lots of different things like that that I could relate to and then finally, in the end, the idea of offering oneself in love, not worrying about what other people thought, that was the ultimate kind of reason why I felt called to do something, to do more, whatever more meant.

Rosanne: Right, right. Yeah.

Andrea: So now we have Frozen II coming out, and I will have seen it by the time this comes out, I can tell you that. But we don’t know yet what the whole plot of the movie is. I don’t know yet how it will relate to me, or if I’ll feel like I relate to it at all or anything. But we do feel like it’s a good time to kind of bring back up some of the reasons why we put together the book Unfrozen.

Rosanne: Right. When you first approached me about it, I was excited about the idea simply because I like writing, and I like editing, and I’ve worked as a reading instruction specialist, so I love getting children hooked on reading, children who have struggled with reading. I love seeing the lights come on and have them enjoy reading. So anything bookish, I like. So it was an exciting project from the beginning when you approached me about that. But when I got into the content of where you were going as we talked through it, because when you first presented kind of your first “brain-dump” on paper, there were a whole lot of things you wanted to say, and you weren’t quite sure which pieces fit, and which didn’t, and what you wanted to do with it.

But when that happened, when I read where you were coming from, I got really excited because I’ve spent most of my life in the South in conservative circles where female roles felt very, very prescribed and very narrow. And I thought maybe it was just a cultural thing, but you were from the Midwest and here you were asking very similar questions. You were struggling with very similar dynamics, in terms of what was okay and what wasn’t okay, and “You might be overpowering if…” and “Too much if…”, and all of that.

And so it helped me not only think through messages that I had received because I was very much in the process of sifting through the impact of all of that on my marriage and the loss of my marriage and questioning. I happened to have been in an abusive situation and so there were a lot of accusations that were being thrown. So, working on the book with you actually helped me sift through what’s true, what’s not true, what’s mine, what’s not mine. And what does God have to say about all of this? That was the anchor, and then how do I share that with my daughter, who at the time was 13. So, it was a privilege to go through that process with you.

Andrea:   You know, it’s interesting that the process of finding my voice, if you will, you helping me find my voice because I think that, as you mentioned, I had so many different things that I was wanting to say and that was really plaguing me. I mean, it was this dark, dark cloud around me feeling like there were too many things. There was too much. Again, that theme of feeling like it was too much, I felt like I had too many things to say. I was trying to sort through them, but when you’re in your own head, it’s very difficult. It’s very difficult to do that for yourself, for anybody, especially when you’re me and you’re like a crazy person inside, your brain just going… all these things.

So, one of the things that you helped me do was to identify that. Number one, when I started writing the book, I wanted it to be like a workbook for children and their parents because I thought, how can we help kids to understand some of the connections that I had made with Elsa and sensitivity and gifting and all those things and how to use that as a way for kids to be able to open their eyes to who they are and even maybe even make an impact on parents. But, as we got going, you were telling me, “Andrea, there are like four different voices right now in your book.” So, you want to tell a little bit about that?

Rosanne: Yeah. You would give this narrative in one place and draw somebody in and they were really engaged in the story, and then you’d switch kind of to teaching mode. And then there would be kind of this like Bible study mode. I don’t remember what the fourth one… I remember there were multiple voices, and you were flipping back and forth. And so part of what you were struggling with was the many voices that you were listening to.

And what I said to you, basically what it came down to was, it’s your story. It’s your voice, your narrative that people need to hear. That’s what’s going to have the power that people will relate to.   It’s not all the things you can give them. It’s yourself, your story.

Andrea: And that right there, everybody needs to hear that.

Rosanne: Yeah.

Andrea: Everybody watching or listening to this needs to hear that because I see it so often with people who are wanting to make a difference, where they do what I tend to do, which is go into teaching mode and neglect to truly connect with the audience. And even if they do give a little piece of it, but, not that you’re giving everything but, you know, the full picture, I guess. You know, we tend to give people a taste, I guess. And so for me to go through the process of saying, “Whoa, wait a second, what is the story?” I didn’t want to be the story and still sometimes wish that I wasn’t the story.

But yet I can see, I understand now, you know, people will tell me that they got the book, and then they sat down, and they read it all in one sitting. Like, really? That’s crazy. But apparently they connected with me and my story and the way that you helped me frame it. So, I have a different perspective now I think on what I need to be, who I need to be for people in general. I don’t necessarily want to be the teacher. I mean, I’m typically, I’m like, “That is what I am. I do that. I teach.” I always thought to myself, you know, I learned so that I can teach other people. And in a lot of ways, that’s true, but I have found over and over and over again that people respond a lot better to me telling my story about how you learned something than to them, you know, listening to some training.

Rosanne: Right, sure. Yeah, and I think for all of us growing in that authenticity where we show up with ourselves – and some of us are strategic thinkers and some of us are teachers by nature – but you do have a sense of the difference between somebody who’s teaching a body of knowledge, and somebody who is teaching something that they embody. It’s different, and the dynamic is different.

Andrea: OK, go into that a little bit more. That sounds really interesting.

Rosanne: If you’re teaching a body of knowledge, it’s all out here. It’s all analytical. It’s all in your head. But if it’s something that you’ve incorporated into who you are, and so you’re teaching from a standpoint of the whole of who you are, you’re bringing yourself, you’re being present as you bring it and you’re being authentic with your audience, which is what you do very well. I think that’s very different, and it’s far more powerful. There’s an authority that goes with that that expertise by itself doesn’t command.

I think people are hungry for authentic people who show up and say, “I’ve been where you are. I can guide you because I’ve been over this terrain.” I think we’ve talked about this ourselves before. I think there’s a difference between helpers and guides. There’s a place for helpers, but guides have had to walk the terrain themselves, and they ask different questions. They listen better. They’re willing to make sacrifices that helpers don’t necessarily know to make or understand to ask, things like that. It’s different.

Andrea: So a helper – let’s just flesh that out just a little bit more – a helper does what exactly then? A guide has been through the terrain and is showing you sort of the way, what does a helper do?

Rosanne: I think helpers can provide encouragement. They can provide support. They can meet practical needs in the moment. The danger is when a helper thinks they’re a guide, and so along with their effort to give you a boost, they also try to tell you what to do. And guides don’t do that. Guides listen. Guides ask questions before they start giving advice. Guides make sure they understand what’s happening. They don’t try to fix it. They try to lead you.

Andrea:  I like that. When I first started trying to, like, nail down what it was that I do or what my calling was or how to describe myself, I remember one of the phrases that came to mind was sort of this idea of helping people navigate the deeper places in their soul. And I think that helping people navigate, guiding, is foundational for having a voice of influence the way that we talk about it, because people can lead. You can definitely lead and tell people where to go and that sort of thing, or what to do or give them the help that they need to get there.

But what does it mean to embody that voice of influence, to be the guide, to be the person helping navigate? That, to me – it’s harder to explain sometimes because a lot of times we feel we’re very practical, and we want to see practical results immediately. Whereas, what would you say, Rosanne, what would you say that a guide does and the results that end up coming from being guided versus being helped?

Rosanne: I think a guide honors the journey of the person that’s in front of them. They’re not in a hurry to ease the discomfort of it because there’s a recognition that there’s a process that that person has to go through themselves. They can have someone alongside them that can be a sounding board, but growth is very individual. Nobody can do it for you. And so a guide recognizes that there is a journey each person has to take themselves. And so they can encourage that journey, they can give you feedback on that journey, they can give direction so that you don’t get lost on that journey. But it’s not something they try to do for you.

And I think helpers – when helpers are at their best – they supply resources for the journey. They encourage you. They can give practical help, but when they step in and they try to do the journey for you or they try to rescue you from it, that’s when they do damage instead of actually help. And a guide is wise enough to know, “I can walk alongside you, but there’s a process you have to take internally that you have to be willing to show up for in order to get where you need to go.”

Andrea: I think that one way to describe the difference there would be the difference between, kind of immediate impact and transformation over a period of time.

Rosanne: Right, right.

Andrea: So, if you’re wanting to become somebody, if you’re wanting to begin to embody something, if you’re wanting to be the person that you are called to be, if you’re wanting to, you know, help your people transform into brand ambassadors, you know, that’s one of the things that we help companies do. That is a transformational process. It’s not something that’s a one-and-done like, “Here is this aid, this thing that’s going to help you.” It’s a transformational thing that comes from the inside, and it grows out which is, you know, a concept that I think is just incredibly important to remember.

Rosanne: Yeah. It’s the difference between a quick boost –  that gives energy in the moment that’s going to fade – and strength building. You may be able to do something to give you a burst of energy, but it’s not the same as training over time, putting in the time, putting in the effort.

Andrea: Eating the right foods.

Rosanne: Exactly, all of that process. Anything worth building requires time. It just does. Growth is a process that requires perseverance – genuine growth, anyway.

Andrea: Yeah, yeah.   Well, our time is about up, Rosanne. I wanted to real quickly reiterate that if anybody is interested in the book that I am the author of, and Rosanne is the editor, it’s Unfrozen: Stop Holding Back and Release the Real You. You can find information about that on our website, voiceofinfluence.net. We also do work with people. We work with companies to help them turn their people into brand ambassadors, to help people connect with the meaning and purpose of the company, the strategic vision and mission of the company in order to sort of activate them as a person who is going to go out and do their best for their company.

When you invest in people, they realize that you care. My mom would always use the quote, and I don’t know who exactly said it originally. I’ve heard Roosevelt, I’ve heard various people saying it originally, but, “They don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.” And this is the truth. I’ve seen it over and over and over again. My mom said it, so you should believe it. And the fact of the matter is that when you invest in people, when you show them how to own their own voice and to find it, to own it, to embrace who they are, to release who they are so that they can use it for all over their lives, especially in your company, they’re going to give your customers better service. They’re going to provide more insight to you as a business owner, as a manager.

You know, people appreciate being invested in and that is what we do. We will help you make sure that your team is truly connected to the vision and mission of your company, that they have a voice of influence with the customers and within your company. So we would love to talk to you about that at some point. Go ahead and, you know, on our website there’s a contact form, fill that thing out and we’ll connect. We’d love to be able to have a conversation.

Rosanne: Absolutely.

Andrea: Rosanne, is there anything that you want to leave with the audience today?

Rosanne: I was just thinking, you know, in terms of how much creativity is released when people know that it’s safe to go there, you know, to not simply show up and check the boxes. But that when they actually have a voice, then creativity begins to flow. Creativity they didn’t even necessarily, perhaps, know that they had. If you want to build a company that’s long-term going to be financially stable and really matters – it does something that really matters – then you want to build a team that works together well, and takes care of one another, and takes care of your customers as well so that there’s loyalty, and we can help you do that.

Andrea: That’s right. And I guarantee you that our team will give our best for yours.

Rosanne: Absolutely!

Andrea: So, I’m very proud of the team that we have and as it continues to grow, as our client base continues to grow, it’s a special thing to be a part of. And so thank you, Rosanne, for being with me today. I look forward to having more conversations with you on the Voice of Influence podcast here in the future.

Rosanne: Absolutely!

Andrea: All right, everybody. Come on over to voiceofinfluence.net and hit that “Let’s Talk” button. We’d love to schedule a conversation. All right, we’ll see you soon.

Unlock Tangible Business Results While Sharing Your Message with Angelique Rewers

Episode 116

Angelique Rewers is the CEO of The Corporate Agent and she is “the undisputed champion at helping small businesses land big clients” according to Inc. Magazine.

Having successfully navigated all sides of the corporate buying table for two decades, Angelique and her team have taught thousands of small businesses, including mine, across 72 countries worldwide how to secure 5, 6, and 7-figure corporate contracts. Angelique has been featured by Huffington Post, Forbes, Inc., Lucky, Washington Post, Entrepreneur, CBS, and more.

In this episode, Angelique talks about why people feel compelled to listen to her even when they don’t really care about her message, the bullying Angelique faced both as a child and as an adult that she’s had to overcome, how she’s transformed over the past few years to get to a place where she’s not concerned about what others think of her, the importance of realizing that we always have a choice and control over our actions, why business is going to save the world, the importance of fitting your message into a keyhole in the beginning, the advice she has for those wanting to have a voice of influence, and more!

Mentioned in this episode:

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Angelique Rewers Voice of Influence Podcast Andrea Joy Wenburg

 

Transcript

Hey, Hey!  It’s Andrea and welcome to the Voice of Influence podcast.  I am so thrilled to have with us today Angelique Rewers.  She is the CEO of The Corporate Agent.  She is “the undisputed champion at helping small businesses land big clients” according to Inc. Magazine.  Having successfully navigated all sides of the corporate buying table for two decades, Angelique and her team have taught thousands of small businesses, including me, across 72 countries worldwide how to secure 5-, 6- and 7- figure corporate contracts.  Angelique has been featured by Huffington Post, Forbes, Inc., Lucky, Washington Post, Entrepreneur, CBS, and more.

Andrea:  Angelique, it is so fun to have you on the Voice of Influence podcast.

Angelique Rewers:  It’s fun to be here.  I know so much about the amazing work that you do in the world, Andrea, and so, it’s genuinely an honor.

Andrea:  Well, let me just start by setting it up that I am one of your clients and the reason that is the case is because when I was at a speaking conference, you happened to be there.  I had no idea who you were.  I didn’t really have any idea of what was going on in the corporate space for speaking.  But when I saw you up on stage, I saw somebody that was really powerful, confident, ambitious, and I thought, “I want to hear what she has to say.”  So, when you had a breakout session, I went to your breakout session.  No interest in your topic whatsoever.  It was you that I was drawn to.  And I think that that is really significant for our listeners today because I do think that it is like people sort of draw people to themselves.

Angelique Rewers:  Yeah.

Andrea:  What is your take on that?

Angelique Rewers:  You know, we actually hear that all the time. People, at conferences, will say “I had no interest in working with corporate clients.  I didn’t think that that was something that I wanted to do.  But you maybe had three minutes, Angelique, on the main stage before your session, or you were on a panel before your session and I was going to skip your session and go check email back in my room.  But after hearing a few minutes, I had a sit in on your session.”

And so I think there are two lessons in that.  I think the first; I mean, this podcast is about the voice of influence. If you want to influence others, you need to have conviction and energy in your message.  It’s electric.  It’s magnetic.  And so people, all the time, they say that they want to hear what I have to say, even if they don’t really give a crap about my topic, because, “You believe in it so much, and there’s just something about it that is inspiring, and I want to be a part of it.”

So, I think if you’re looking to gain influence in the world, you need to not be a wet dishrag.  You need to have conviction.  You need to have energy.  You need to care.  There needs to be a fire in your eyes.  When people look in your eyes, they need to see that something is going on in there because then they want to be a part of it.  Even if they don’t want to be a part of it, they just want to be around you.  That’s number one.

The second lesson for me that’s in it is that when you are out, whether you’re on a podcast or you are speaking in an event or you’re writing articles, if what you’re teaching, Andrea, has integrity and truth in it, it can be infinitely applicable to other fields and industries.  And so people will come to our session, even if they don’t necessarily want to work with corporate, but they’re like “Angelique, the stuff you’re teaching, I can use it in my business anyway because it makes sense.”

There is a degree of, “Oh my gosh, what this woman is saying is legitimate and it is like a breath of fresh air.  So even though I’m not going to sell to corporate, I’m still gonna use what she’s saying in whatever marketing field I’m in.” So, I think if you can make your strategies universal in some ways and then have that fire in you when you’re communicating it, you’re going to gain a lot more influence in your message.

Andrea:  All right.  So where did that come from for you?  What is the fire?  What do you really care about?

Angelique Rewers:  Yeah, people actually ask me this all the time, and in fact, you and I have both been on podcasts on Mindset and you’ve had Mindset guests on and so this comes up a lot.  I think that it’s twofold for me.  I do think that people are born with a degree of fire in their belly.  So, you know, I was kind of a spitfire at five years, four years old, or three years old.  You know, I’ve been a spitfire since I landed on this earth.

Andrea:  I could totally believe all this.

Angelique Rewers:  So, in kindergarten there was a school play.  Now this was when you could still call them Christmas plays.  They didn’t have to be sort of like generic, so it was the Christmas play.  And so they were having these different parts, and they wanted a few kids from each of the grades.  And I went up to my kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Persigan-Risick, and I said, “I want to be the narrator.”  And she looked at me and she said, “But Angel, you don’t know how to read.”  And I said, “Well, I’ll just learn tonight.”  And she was just like, “Uhm.”  And so, I’m like, “I want to be the narrator.”

And so she gave me the script for the entire school play and I took it home.  And the next morning I came in, and I went to the audition, and I knew how to read the whole damn thing, and I got the part of narrator at five years old of my school play.  And I thought I was the shit narrating the school play.  Like, I even remember my outfit down to my red velvet skirt, you know. And so there is a part of it that I think you’re born with.  But the other part of it comes from finding something that you care about that isn’t manufactured, that you genuinely care about it.  And I think for me it’s a confluence of caring about business owners.

I care about people in that I don’t like to see people holding back.  I pushed people really to the edge, edge, edge of even beyond their comfort zone because we have one life, so we know.  The clock is ticking.  It’s almost to me like a football match or something where it’s a game, and the clock is ticking, and it’s like, “Well, you better leave it on the field because that’s it.”

So, I care about just getting people out there and doing something with their life. And the place that I’ve chosen as my inflection point of that is by taking these people who are woke and pushing them kind of to really get out of their comfort zone, go into companies, change companies from the inside out because companies change the world.  Not government, not nonprofits, really business is the language of this planet.

So, if I can sort of take this conscious, woke group of people, get them inside these companies, we can really make a difference in this world.  And it’s the place that I think my gifts best serve.  And that’s I guess the last piece of it.  It should be something you care about, but your gifts should align with it.  So it’s somewhere you can really make a difference.  And for me, I speak the language of sales.  I speak the language of marketing, so it’s where I think I can make the biggest difference.

Andrea:  Hmm.  Okay, I’m going to come back to why you think that companies change the world.  But first, let’s stick with the girl that, you know, just learned how to read overnight or memorized or whatever you did to make it happen.  As somebody with that kind of ambition that you always had, that’s like a really bright fire.  Has it ever been dimmed? I mean, have you ever gone through a point where “Gosh, it was smothered” or you know, you felt like you couldn’t be that person?

Angelique Rewers:  Oh, yeah.

Andrea:  Okay.

Angelique Rewers:  Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.  I mean, I’m in middle school, so that was kind of who I was all the way up until the seventh grade.  And I know we all kind of have the seventh-grade story.  You know, for me in the seventh grade, things were kind of tough at home.  My mom and I were living with my grandparents. My mom was trying to save up to be able to buy a home, and so we were living in this really tiny little house.  I was sharing a bedroom with my mom.  You know, here I am at twelve, I guess, twelve or thirteen, and I’m sharing a bedroom with my mom.  Can you imagine like, just remember your twelve-year-old self.  We have one bathroom in the house.  I mean this is a teeny, teeny, tiny little house.

And I went to a very, very rough middle school, and I was there because, ironically, they had the program for the gifted and talented kids in this particular school, which was one of like the roughest middle schools that there were in the area.  So, but I had to go there to be part of the gifted and talented program.  So, it was sort of a trade-off.  At any rate, the other girls really did not like that bright fire so much.  As the expression goes, the tallest nail gets the hammer, and so they actually formed a club called Kids against Angelique Rewers, KAAR.

They had a logo. They had buttons. They had what’s called a slambook, which is where they write horrible things about you.  They had meetings.  They had a schedule of who would bully me in between each and every class because we would change periods, you know, from science to math. And they would knock me down, they would punch me, they would push me in the lockers, they’d tear up my homework, they would threaten me.  At one point, the worst was when I was dragged by my hair in the hallway.  I mean, really, really brutal stuff.

And so this went on and on and on and on, and it was really almost a two year kind of situation.  It finally came to an end when I finally spoke up for myself, but I was embarrassed to go to the teachers.  I was embarrassed to go to the guidance counselors.  I hid it from my family.  It finally got addressed, but, boy, it stayed with me for a really long time.  And it probably took until… it was really in 2009 that I had an adult bullying experience, which by the way, I think adults today are almost worse than middle schoolers.

We have just gotten ourselves into a situation in this world where we just tolerate so much bullying online that it’s just unbelievable.  So, anyways, so I had an adult bullying experience, and then I realized I had come full circle.  And so in 2010, I decided to kind of step back into the light.  So that means that from thirteen until twenty-seven, so fourteen years, I sort of hid, and then you know, around twenty-seven, twenty-eight, I started to come back out again.  And then it’s been every year since then, it’s been another step into the light, another step into the light.  And in the last couple of years, I really did kind of go through a transformation of “The hell with it, here I am, World.”  So, but yeah, it really lasts a long time, Andrea.

Andrea:  You know, I have seen that transformation in you in the last couple of years because that’s how long I’ve been around you and your programs.  And I was wondering if you would want to tell us a little bit about that.  It seems like there’s been this fire that’s been lit under you, that’s even greater and you were already doing so much.  You already had such big vision and then something happened or some sort of transformation.  Can you tell us a little bit about that?

Angelique Rewers:  Yeah, I think it was definitely the sort of perfect storm of a few things coming together.  You know, one is age, right?  So, I’m in my forties now and so you become, I think, just increasingly aware of the speed of time as you get older and you’re watching your kids grow up so fast before your eyes.  My twins now are ten.  I’m like, “How did this happen?”  So there’s definitely the age-time thing.  Another piece of it is a couple of years ago, I did do some work, which I recommend that people do, on their shadow side from a mindset perspective.  And I did some shadow side work and that was really liberating to just accept all of who you are.

When you really get to the point that you genuinely accept 100 percent of who you are and you connect in with spirit and really everything you do is between you and spirit, whether you want to call it source, God, you know, universe, whatever works for you.  When you accept all of yourself, and then you connect into your mission and your purpose, if you believe in that.  You know, for me, I do, you’d go “Well, it really doesn’t matter what other humans think about me so much.  This is really between me, my soul and God and you know, what I’m doing on that front.”  And then the other piece of it is I started to put myself in rooms with people like Richard Branson.

So, I’ve been part of the Virgin Unite efforts.  I went to South Africa with Virgin Unite.  I went to Sir Richard Branson’s wildlife reserve in South Africa and spent four days with him, you know, on game drives. And then went to Necker Island and heard from people all around the world who are changing the world.  We’re not often allowed to mention who was there, but these are world leaders who’ve brought wars to an end.  I mean, people literally who’ve brought wars to an end.

And so you put yourself in rooms like that, and you just realize that there’s no difference per se between, I mean, sure everybody has a different talent or a different IQ and et cetera, but at the end of the day, we’re all the same.  We all have the same immense, infinite potential. I think that those things all come together and you just, you know, you make a decision of “Am I gonna let the genie out of the bottle or am I not?”  And I think that the saddest thing is how many people go to their grave really never even coming close to their potential.

Andrea:  Hmm.  What do you suppose is that factor that helped you to see that you really wanted, first of all, that there was a genie in the bottle and then second of all, that you were going to release it?

Angelique Rewers:  I mean, I have to say, I’m very fortunate because even though I grew up in a very low-income household in a blue-collar town, where most people don’t go anywhere, I had the most loving family, I really did.  And my great grandmother, my grandmother and my mother, very matriarchal family and I’m an only child and an only grandchild.  And so there was definitely a lot of support for me as a kid to really go for it.  My grandmother always said, “Go, go do it.  Whatever you want to do, go.”  You know, that was always my word, “Go.”  And she also really understood some universal laws, even though she didn’t know that they were universal laws.

So, she would say things to me like, “Be very careful what you wish for because in this family we create it overnight.”  And so she really understood the power of manifesting and how when we got really clear as women in our family, things would happen.  So, I had some of that going on.  And I think the other thing, Andrea, is just I think everybody has the ability to make the choice.  I mean, I think anybody listening to your podcast right now can go look in the mirror and say, “Am I happy with what I’ve accomplished in my life?  Where am I holding back and do I want more?”  And that’s really it.  I mean, at the end of the day, you just have to kind of go literally have a conversation with yourself and choose.

Andrea:  It seems to me that it’s a choice that almost has to be made more than once.  Maybe there’s like this really big moment where you choose, but maybe there are successions of choices too.  Do you see that for yourself?

Angelique Rewers:  Yeah, well, I think what it is, I think, one, there’s the choice.  I think, one, there’s a choice of how you just want to show up in life in general.  Like, there’s that moment that you make that choice in your life of “I’m going to show up a certain way in life.”  But then there are daily choices that we have to make as to whether or not, you know, we’re really going to do it.  So, I think there is that sort of like universal undercurrent that’s going on in our life, but then everyday we’re given a choice.

And just in the last week, I’ve had probably four of those choices in just the last week.  So, I was in Prague, I was speaking at an international conference.  It was a conference that was really five years in the making for us to land one of those speaking opportunities because it’s that competitive to get there.  So, we kept applying and kept applying and kept applying.

And so this year it was in Prague.  I was thrilled to go and as I was rushing over to the conference center for my session, I wanted to get there for like an hour before, but I was walking over and I could feel like natural nerves.  Anytime we speak, we all get, you know, our adrenaline kind of goes… when we are in a heightened state of stress though, we can’t do our best work, you know.

So, I was walking over, and I stopped and I went to the bridge, which overlooked, you know, downtown Prague and there’s those historic buildings, that beautiful scenery.  And I just took 10 minutes to get present and ask myself what I wanted my session to be like and how I want it to show up in that session.  And I decided I was going to leave it all on the stage, if you will.  That this was going to be a session where I could truly enjoy how far I’ve come, being in Prague, being at this conference. And I was just going to really savor the moment.

And so I had that choice in that moment.  I had another choice when I was at the airport and by 30 flipping seconds…  I mean, I had been traveling for 24 straight hours, it was a nightmare to get back.  And I was in New York City.  I hadn’t had any sleep the night before.  My flight was supposed to leave for San Diego because I was supposed to speak at another conference in San Diego, and by 30 seconds I missed being able to check-in for my flight and checked a bag.  And in that moment, I said to the gate agent, “You know what, just give me a ticket to go home. I’m done.  I’m so tired,  I haven’t slept in 24 hours.  I’m done.”

And so she started looking for a flight for me to come home and then it was like, she found something.  I said, “You know what, that’s not the right choice.  Find me another flight.  It won’t be direct, but you know, find me another first-class seat.  I don’t care what cities you have to put me through.  Get me to San Diego.”  But there was a moment of, “I just want to fucking go home because I’ve been traveling for 24 hours.  I’m dirty. I’m tired.  I’m hungry.  I have a migraine.  I just want to go home.”  And then I was like, “No, I don’t.  I want to go to San Diego and a little bit of sleep will fix this.  And that’s where I’m supposed to be with AT&T and Comcast presenting at this conference with veterans.”

So, we’re presented with these choices all the time every day.  And we’re human, we’re going to have lousy days.  So, you just have to constantly ask yourself, you know, what are you choosing.

Andrea:  Hmm.  Why is business going to change the world?

Angelique Rewers:   Well, we’ve seen it ever since the printing press, right? We actually saw it with the Catholic Church and monks who recreated the Bible, which, you know, church really was kind of like the first business, I mean, in terms of organization and organizational structure and, you know, them creating copies upon copies upon copies.  And we saw it with the printing press.  We saw it with Ford in creating the automobile and how the automobile completely changed our societies, and people moved out of certain areas, and we created suburbs because of that.

We’ve seen it with the internet.  We’ve seen it with mobile communication.  We’re about to see it again with AI and with autonomous vehicles and frankly, even flying vehicles, we’re starting to see it with drones.  You know, business continues to innovate.  Those innovations, despite some of the most repressed societies, you know, really the only country that has completely kept out technology successfully really is North Korea.  I mean, you know, they’ve done the best job of kind of keeping business out, keeping technology out.

But beyond that, technology and innovation and developments constantly cross, you know, any imaginary border we draw on a map. And it creates connectivity, and it creates a shared experience that just like the written word created shared experience.  The automobile created shared experience.  The internet created shared experience.  Technologies like this are changing the world. So, business creates innovations and innovations change society.

We are in a situation right now where we look at the ethical dilemmas that Twitter and Facebook are facing.  We look at the ethical dilemmas that companies like we work are facing.  Even, you know, companies in California who are facing these awful fires and how are they going to respond to that?  We need to get plastics out of the world.  And so how are companies going to respond to that?  So, you know, really companies are what make the world go round.

Every single thing that impacts our daily life, there’s a company behind it, unless we’re in some of the most remote parts of the world.  So, the more we can shift the thought process and the scarcity mindset that drives so many of these poor decisions that companies make, and in addition to that, most people are employed by companies. And so the way that people feel every day, the World Health Organization declared this year that burnout is a global epidemic.  So the world is drowning in burnout, that affects all of us.

So, we have to really make some changes.  And the best way to do that is to take people who are really consciously aware and help guide this.  And so our mission at The Corporate Agent is to really show people how to do that.  But the only way to do it is to actually be able to sell your services, like you have to be able to get into these companies.  You can have the best mission in the world.  You can have the biggest heart and the most brilliant idea.  But if you don’t know how to get to decision makers and get influenced with them and get them to listen to you and buy your products and your services, then you can’t change diddly-squat.

Andrea:  Exactly. Totally.  I think that that is so important, especially, I know that for a long time I felt like I had a message, and then it became evident that I was going to need a way to fund the message.  And that’s what started having me go down the path of business.  And actually, honestly what really has been fascinating for me is seeing myself really be able to start to stretch into other areas of myself that I didn’t know I could do, you know, like to be the CEO of a company, to actually build a business, to have people that are on my team and working with me and coalescing underneath of a mission and a vision and making sure that, you know, all those things, I’m like, “Whoa, wait a second, this stuff is really fun.  This is good.”

Angelique Rewers:  It is fun. It is really fun.  And you know, when we build businesses and we build them from the place that you’re building them, you know, that’s also an impact on the world.  I think one of the things that’s been amazing about you, Andrea, is that you have a message, and then you realize that you have to find a keyhole for your message, and you’ve been really willing to find that keyhole.  You know, there are so many people out there who have a message, but they’re not willing to find a way for that message to fit into the market so that the message can have an impact.

If you’re just shouting out to the world and nobody’s receiving that message, what good is it?  And so you have to shape your key to fit a keyhole and then that unlocks opportunity.  And it’s this strange paradox because people have a big message and one of the things we do at The Corporate Agent, as you know, is we help them take that big message and actually bring it into just one key that they can unlock a door.  Because if you just have this, you know, huge message that nobody knows what to do with, then what good is that?

And you’ve been such an amazing, you know, you really have taken that and run with it.  And as a result, companies are benefiting from your message right now.   People are benefiting from this podcast that you do and you haven’t lost your message. Even though you’ve brought it into a tangible way for companies to implement, you’re still focused on this voice of influence.  And so sometimes when you first, you know, people hear us talk about it, you can even talk to this.  Like sometimes it’s like, “Wait, you want my message to fit into this little box,” but only for a short time, only to get you momentum and then you can let the genie back out of the bottle.

Andrea:  I think that’s really important.  And one of the things that I believe in is that the mission or the purpose that one has is generally something that’s beneath the surface.  So, it’s a concept. Like for me, it’s connecting people’s expertise with the need in the world, “Okay, you could do a lot of different stuff with that.”  And so that frees me up to be able to say “yes” when you tell me to go in a certain direction and say, “Okay, I will try that because I can trust your expertise, and yet still have it fit within the paradigm of my purpose as I see it.”  So, I think that’s really important for your clients because it can easily feel like the purpose has to be a specific thing or a specific teaching, that sort of thing.  Do you see that?

Angelique Rewers:  Yeah, I do.  And I think people are always afraid of sort of losing their purpose when they start making it tangible in the world.  And the opposite is true.  It’s like when you make your concept of that idea that you’re talking about like, you know, that concept that you have, when you start making it tangible that people can do something with it… it just evolves into something beautiful.  But too many people, we call it sometimes loving the baby.  Like, they just love the baby so much about this idea that they have, but they don’t know how to then bring that out into the world in a way that actually has an impact, or that people know what to do with it.

We can all be Marianne Williamson, you know what I mean?  Most people aren’t just going to be a philosopher, and I think that’s kind of the danger when people have a message, they can fall into the trap of just being a philosopher versus understanding how to actually effect change in the world.

Andrea:  Okay, so I had a question for you that, I don’t want to forget to ask this, because it kind of goes back to what we were talking about before, ties into what we’re headed towards.  When one sort of steps into the fullness of who they are… okay, that’s the way I put it, the way you put it, what was that… you know letting the light or the genie out of the bottle, when one does that, I think that it can feel like all of a sudden, even in narrowing down your message, it can feel like you’re cutting things out.  You can feel like you’re cutting people out.

Angelique Rewers:  Yeah.

Andrea:   And that can be really hard for somebody that’s particularly sensitive and empathetic.  Has it felt like that to you ever, and I mean, does it ever feel lonely?

Angelique Rewers:  Well, I think those are probably two different questions.  So I’ll take them, you know, maybe one at a time.  The first is that when you’re clarifying your message, assuming you want to be a business owner, you want to be an entrepreneur or you’re working in a company that, you know, trying to make headway somewhere. You can certainly try to empty the ocean with a soup spoon but you’re not going to get very far.  So, I’m just very pragmatic about the whole thing.

If you look at anybody who’s had a world changing mission, they didn’t start with a world changing mission.  Sir Richard Branson is great example.  You know, he just decided in the beginning just to change the record industry, right?  That’s all he wanted to do was change the record label industry with Virgin Records. And then he was like, you know what, he sold that so he could change the airline industry all because he had a bad day not being able to get a flight somewhere.  And so that’s where he started.  And now he’s at a point that he can pick up a phone and talk to almost any world leader.  He did just pick one inflection point.

Oprah started on the radio in Baltimore where I grew up.  She was on the local news WJZ-13.  You know, I remember watching her on like 5 o’clock news.  That’s where she started.  So, you know, I think that we all see these sort of finished products today of these people who are just out there, just so huge, big followings and people aren’t willing to realize that people judge us based on what we’ve accomplished, not on what we dreamed up in our head.

And so you have to have to do stuff, you have to actually make something happen and then you make something else happen and then make something else happen.  I’m not very empathetic around this idea of, “Well, I don’t want to cut anybody yet.”  I’m like, “Well, do you want your mission out there or not?”  Because it’s like, “Do you want to be right about this or do you want to be rich?”  And rich in impact, not necessarily rich in money, but do you want to be right or rich?  And most people want to be rich with impact, rich with significance, rich with, you know, really having a legacy.

So to do that, you’d have to just be practical about it.  It’s like, “Well, get over it,” you know, like, this is what it takes.  This is how it works for almost everybody.  And then in terms of does it ever feel lonely?  I mean, I personally don’t ever feel that my business is lonely or that, you know, I do think that one of the things that people don’t understand about having a successful business, and I can only imagine as you get more and more successful, like I can only imagine… I mean, I’ve spent time with Richard Branson.  I’ve seen the people that he puts around him.  He certainly doesn’t ever seem lonely.

I think the man probably would love to absolutely have maybe a little bit more alone time than he does.  But you know, even he’s part of the Elders and if you don’t know about the Elders, you should look that up.  It’s an amazing thing that he put together with some just amazing people on this earth, people like Desmond Tutu and others.  But I don’t find it lonely, Andrea, because number one, I have an amazing family.  I just have just the most amazing, supportive husband who is my high school sweetheart. We’ve been together more years than we’ve been alive, if that makes sense.

So, you know, over twenty-seven years we’ve been together now.  I have two amazing twin boys who are ten.  I have a really supportive mom.  I have close friends, and I have the most, and I really do believe this, like I have the most amazing community of clients that I think any person out there who’s in the small business space, who has a community of small business owners that they serve, without question.  I think I have the most loving, high integrity, heart-centered… I don’t want to use the word loyal but like just the love in our community, the respect in our community.

I think if, there was some tragedy that happened and you know, I lost my home or whatever, I would have hundreds of clients who would be like, “Angelique, come stay on my sofa.”  Like, “The door is open,” and I think because they feel the love that we pour into them and how transparent we are with them.  And so there’s just like, “I don’t feel lonely at all.”  I mean, Andrea, if I felt like I didn’t have somebody to call, you know, I could pick up the phone and you would talk to me. I just feel just constantly, just a bubble of love around me all the time, even if I’m having a bad day.  I just have this incredible vortex of love.

Andrea:  I can attest to that.  I put something in our Facebook group this week.  Every once in a while I feel the need to reach out and say, “Oh, hey, does anybody else ever feel like this?”  And I had maybe four people reach out to say, “Do you want to talk?”  People that really know what they’re talking about and so it’s absolutely true.  I think though, at some point, did you ever have to recognize that you are going to be spending more time with this kind of person than people that you were with?

Angelique Rewers:  Oh yeah.  Yeah.

Andrea:  That’s a hard thing for people to kind of move through, I think.

Angelique Rewers:  Yeah, you know, I think it is for some people, I’m kind of a loner.  I’m an only child and I think that probably contributes to it. And there were no cousins.  You know, my mom was an only child, so I was an only child.  There weren’t a lot of others around.  And I’ve always been kind of a loner in a way, even though I always have like these amazing people around me.  So, I’m also a very independent person.  I think probably two of my greatest values are independence and intelligence.  Like those are two things I value greatly.  So for me, I empathize with those who feel that way.  I personally didn’t experience it, because I’m actually an introvert, I think.

So, I can imagine that for some folks when they start to change their life, there are people in your life, you really have to, you either distance yourself from where you are or sometimes it’s not even like this conscious uncoupling.  It’s just you don’t have as much in common with them anymore.  And that’s just a natural part of transition.  I mean, we do that our whole life, though.  You know, as we grew up, you know, as soon as we get to high school and we look back and the kids we were friends with when we were in elementary school, they’re in the same school, but we don’t talk to them anymore.  You know, we change and we evolve.

I think it’s a good thing and I think, as we get older, we get to make decisions about people who are toxic or who are sort of energy vampires and we have to make decisions about that.  It can actually be very freeing, like, “Oh my gosh, this is great.  I get a choice in this.  I don’t have to spend so much time with this person who’s really draining and doesn’t respect, you know, my choices.”   So, I think it can actually be really empowering if you choose.  Let me say this and then you can ask me another question, but I think that people forget that we have a choice, the emotions that we assign to something that’s happening in our life.

So we can assign that it feels bad to let go of a relationship or we can assign that it feels good and empowering and you know, exhilarating to let go of a relationship.  We’re constantly making those choices.  We think that we’re just a victim of emotion and that’s not the case.  We actually can make choices about what we’re feeling.

Andrea:  Hmm.  And I think when people have somebody like you to look to who say, “You’re gonna survive, it’s okay.  Keep moving.  This is sort of the light that you’re moving towards.”  I think it’s easier for people to be able to do that.

Angelique Rewers: Yeah, it is.  Well, and you know, it’s interesting that you use the word survive because I think that there’s a moment where people who are in business, there’s actually a shift that happens in entrepreneurial maturity where what feels like a survival energy gets replaced by a “Isn’t this journey amazing?”  Like, “Isn’t this fascinating what’s happening right now?”  And there’s a moment where there’s, sort of, instead of feeling like “I have to survive this,” there’s a new wave that washes over you of, “Oh, I don’t actually have to attach a survival energy to this.  I can actually choose that this is exhilarating; strap on my seatbelt, this roller coaster is fun!”

And you’ve seen that picture that I actually show of me on the roller coaster, the ten different times, and how I was on that roller coaster and I was screaming bloody murder and I was having this miserable experience.  And then I got off and I saw that picture, and I saw everybody else on the same exact roller coaster having a good time.  And I realized in that moment that I decided that I had to survive that roller coaster with my kids.  Everyone else chose to strap in and laugh their way through the roller coaster.  It was the exact same roller coaster, but I was in survival mode and everyone else was in this sort of exhilarated, “Oh my gosh, the wind is whipping through my hair” mode.

And so really what I would say to people, Andrea, so, I do encourage people that “You are going to make it through,” but more importantly what I want them to hear is that, “Choose it to be a different experience.”  You know, choose it not to be survival.  Choose it to be like, “I signed up to be an entrepreneur, and I am doing it, and this is amazing.  And anybody else would be so scared about this and I am badass, and I’m going to just do it.”  And, like, choose that experience.  And we get to choose that every day.  That goes back to what we started with, which is, you know, it’s constantly that choice of the life experience that we’re going to have.  And what I want more than anything I think is for people to be conscious of what they’re choosing.

Andrea:  Hmm.  I love that.  I love it so much.  I know exactly what you’re talking about, and I think it’s a hard choice for me personally, I am more empathetic.  I do struggle with all these things a little bit more maybe, but I have found the same thing to be true.  Okay, so for the listener, you need to know that Angelique, as much as we talked about mindset and experience and influence and that sort of thing, Angelique is really truly an expert in influencing when it comes to sales conversations and business ownership as a small business owner and all those things.

So, Angelique, I know that you have a conference coming up.  Every once in a while you do webinars.  And if anybody really wants to hear your expertise and see that in play and your strategic mindset play, that is a really great place to see that happen.  Can you tell us a little bit about what’s coming up?

Angelique Rewers:  Yeah, absolutely.  So, our website is thecorporateagent.com and as Andrea said, you know, we’ve been talking in this podcast today about the idea that you can have a big mission and a big message, but there has to be a way that you make it tangible and bring it into the world.  And the way that we bring it into the world is by teaching small business owners how to win big clients.  And sometimes those are the really big brands like Starbucks, Facebook, GE, Delta, and Bank of America and all of those.  And sometimes it’s colleges and universities, or government agencies, or mid-market companies, or even a big small enterprise in your backyard.

And so we teach small business owners how to get in front of those organizations, where to start, what to deliver, and how to close those sales, and how to keep those clients for the long term so that they keep buying from you.  So that’s really the tangible way that I bring my message into the world.  And so we do, we have some great trainings coming up in early December.  We’re going to be doing some complimentary trainings via Zoom online.  So, if you go to our website, thecorporateagent.com, if you download one of our resources on there, there some free swipe copy and things like that, then you’ll get on our list and you’ll know about it.

The other thing you need to know about is once a year we do a conference called the Real Deal.  It’s three days of us teaching business owners really how to be empowered in their marketing and their sales in the B2B space.  If they’re marketing to those B2B clients, those corporate clients.  It’s an unbelievable three days, it’s just so full of energy.  People leave walking on air because it’s a combination of just so much content.  They’re always just like, “This is incredible, this doesn’t feel like a conference; this is like a master’s degree in three days.”  But also it’s fun, it’s on the beach in Fort Lauderdale, and the community is unbelievable, and people just feel like “Where is this community been my whole entrepreneurial life?”

So, the event is called the Real Deal and the website is realdealevent.com.  You can also get to it through thecorporateagent.com; it says at the top of the page Real Deal. We would love to see you there.  People have literally come into that event thinking that they were going to go back and get a job because it just got too hard for them trying to figure out how to make their business work.  And they have walked out of there three days later already winning new clients because they knew what they were doing and they were sending emails and getting their business going again.

So it has literally saved people.  One person, and I hope to interview him soon, came to me and said, “Angelique, you literally saved my life because I was about to go get a job and I knew that if I got a job…” and he wasn’t being facetious, he said “It was going to kill me.  I would have had a heart attack.  I was going to have to be on antidepressants.  It literally was like going to just ruin my body because that’s how badly I didn’t want to do it.  I was getting so overwhelmed with depression, stress and you taught me how to fix it in three days.”

So it’s an amazing event, so if you do sell to corporate clients and you’re tired of trying to figure out these content strategies that were never designed for corporate clients to begin with, come spend three days with us and it’ll change your life.  It’ll be the best three days you’ve ever spent at a business conference.

Andrea:  I would agree with that.  We went to the Real Deal in 2018 and it was electric.  It really was.  There was, like you said, so much content, but then at the same time being around the people, meeting people and finding out what they’re doing.  And so if you are in the space, it’s where you need to be.  No doubt about it.

Angelique Rewers:  Well, thank you for that.  It’s so much fun too, it’s really great.  And this year, we’re on the beach in Fort Lauderdale, literally on the beach.  So, in June in Fort Lauderdale, it’s absolutely beautiful, and I’m all about energy and environment.  Like I have to be in beautiful space, like I’m just so impacted by that.  So for us to just find a venue that was so bright and airy, overlooking the ocean, which just felt really good and expansive and, you know, we use the ocean as a metaphor all the time because there is such an ocean of opportunity for people out there.  So it just felt very much in alignment.

Andrea:  Angelique, what tip or a piece of advice would you like to leave with the listener about, you know, the listener who wants to have a voice of influence?

Angelique Rewers:  Say yes, say yes.  People say “no” way too often and I know we’re told to say “no” to, you know… and you should say, you know, we all have to set boundaries.  You know, don’t take on yet another volunteer project at the school when you’re the only person volunteering for the third grade.  But say “yes” to your dream.  Say “yes” to your purpose.  Say “yes” to the experiences that are aligned with your vision.  Don’t say “I’m not ready for that yet.”  Take that out of your vocabulary.  Never again say, “I’m not ready.”  That’s ridiculous.  You were literally born ready.

So just say “yes” to things that are aligned with your vision.  At the end of the day, that’s the secret of people who are successful.  They say “no” to the stuff that is not in alignment and they say “yes” to all the things that are in alignment.  And they don’t give themselves these interdependencies, or “I’m not ready” crap and they don’t say, “Well, I can’t do that because…”  They say, “How can I make this work?”  And they say, “Yes,” that’s what they do.  And so that would really be, you know, my final words of advice, start saying “yes” to your vision and show up every day saying, “yes.”

Andrea:  Hmm.  Let that genie out of the bottle.

Angelique Rewers:  Let that genie out of the bottle.

Andrea:  I love it.  Thank you so much for sharing your voice of influence with our listeners.  Thank you for your impact on my life, on my business.  I’m truly grateful!

Angelique Rewers: Thank you!