Do you ever want to hand your calling back to God?
*Subtitles are available for this video in YouTube.*
Category Archives: Voice
The Book That Will Release the Creative You
I’m here to tell you this is a worthy use of your life: both the grand calling of motherhood, and the smaller gifting of artistic self-expression.
~ from Life Creative by Wendy Speake and Kelli Stuart
A while back an article circulated Facebook with a title that sounded something like, “Back off Pinterest Mom. You’re making the rest of us look bad.” It seemed that there were quite a few women who felt particularly annoyed with the moms who turn simple snacks into elaborate cartoon characters and put together a creative concoction of homemade items for teacher gifts.
The article made me sad. Although I don’t consider myself to be particularly crafty, I certainly know the desire to find some kind of creative way to express myself in the midst of motherhood. In the middle of writing a book about my own desire for self-expression, I read the rant and knew my writing endeavor would upset the moms sharing that article. Because I intended to go all-out with my book like Pinterest Moms go all-out with their school snacks.
Reading the article made me sad for all women. Moms that create in the kitchen, women that throw elaborate parties, girls who sing their heart out instead of holding their voice in. With sentiments like “reign it in” circulating, no wonder we hold back. What if, instead of pressing each other into status quo-level confinement, we call out and celebrate creative self-expression in the midst of motherhood?
From Unfrozen to a Life Creative
The storytelling nature of Unfrozen: Stop Holding Back and Release the Real You was intended to help women who relate to my experience as someone who felt frozen from being able to express myself fully in relationships and in my creative contribution. I am excited to say that if you identified with my story, you will most certainly be nourished by a book that releases today.
Life Creative by Wendy Speake and Kelli Stuart (–>Website Here<–) is a composition of reflective teachings that call moms to open their minds and hearts to wrestle with their own desires for creative expression. The authors know the creative-mom struggle intimately, so they speak with compassion and authority.
One of my favorite aspects of this book is that it hits on both our need of living in the moment with our children and our longing to tap our creativity. “If you are smack-dab in the middle of this intense season of mothering right now, and the idea of carving out even a little time for your craft overwhelms your heart and your family balance, then take this woman’s wisdom to heart. Tuck away each torn out picture from a magazine, each story concept, each personal revelation that supports your vision. Jot it down and file it away, then move about your day with peace in your heart that the inspiration waits for you. This recorded book of ideas opens wide the gift of freedom, allowing you to live your dreams first.”
I echo that advice with a big and hearty “amen!” For years I’ve been filing away metaphors, stories, feelings and inspiration in journals and notebooks. These proved invaluable when my kids both started school and I began to write and speak with more intention. And now when I take walks by myself I turn on the voice recorder and document my musings on my phone.
The book also includes a section where the authors discuss another topic dear to my heart. “When the unique needs of a sensitive soul go unmet day after day, year after year, there is the tendency to spiral downward into the pit…Here’s an ugly truth: Sensitive people can be incredibly insensitive when they lose themselves. I’d never been an angry woman until the quiet spaces of my life were threatened.” Yes! Sensitivity and creativity often go hand-in-hand. If you were able to relate to the description of my angry outbursts in Unfrozen, you will certainly be nourished by the thoughts on sensitivity in Life Creative.
Release the Creative You
The creative life of a mom is complicated and frustrating at times, but with the guidance of those moms who have gone before us, we can be released into the joy and freedom of a non-pressured creative self-expression right in the midst of mothering. Whether you’re a “Pinterest Mom,” a wanna-be blogger, or a master-schedule master, you can live this creative mom-life with great hope. There is so much more I could say but for now, I want to offer my thanks to Wendy Speake and Kelli Stuart for their hard work and beautiful mentorship through this book. They will help you release the Creative You.
“You are His Poem. Your heart and your art are His song to the world. Sing it loud.” ~ Life Creative
I’m guessing that many of you need this book. If you don’t think you do, I’m confident that someone you love needs this book. So I encourage you to (–>Click Here<–) and buy it today before you forget.
Beware the Frozen Heart
Unfrozen Prologue
It’s hard to be real. Real is risky and leaves me wondering what others will think of me when they know that I’m not the perfect wife and mom. What will they think if I share my doubts and struggles? Well, a couple of years ago I decided it was time to share my journey through dating, marriage, postpartum depression and anxiety because I long to see the “unfreezing” of women everywhere.
Unfrozen: Stop Holding Back and Release the Real You released August 28th as a Kindle Bestseller in multiple categories! I want to share with you the prologue, the moment just before everything changed for this wife and mom of two little kids.
Thanksgiving, 2013
“I’ve got a lot of work to do,” Aaron sighed. We were nearly home from spending Thanksgiving weekend with family.
“I know.”
As we prepared to pull off the interstate, I looked out the window at the Nebraska prairie whizzing past. He always had work to do. I’d spent the past three years taking care of our kids while Aaron attempted to dig out of the paperwork hole he’d fallen into as a small business owner. It wasn’t something we could do anything about and I felt bad for him, but…. How will I ever get myself out of this hole as long as he is in his?
“What are we going to do when we get home, Mom? Can we play with friends?” I glanced back at our 6-year-old Amelia. Her intense need to have our schedule planned out in her head made it difficult for me to feel like I was ever on top of things.
“No. Today isn’t a friend day.”
“Well, what fun thing are we going to do?!”
My muscles wound tight as she spoke, and then I glanced at Grant. His little body looked as tired as I felt. Grant spent the first four years of his life waking up at 4:00 a.m. Chronic sleep deprivation threatened to strangle the life out of me. I probably looked like it. Thankfully, we were at a point in Grant’s life when I didn’t have to wake up with him every morning, but I was still tired. Oh, so tired.
The truth was, I was also angry. It seemed like my kids, my husband, our dogs and even God were in on this conspiracy to keep me awake and on edge. I simply couldn’t catch up. Just as soon as I began to feel rested, someone would have a bad dream or need me when I went to sleep. I didn’t like having to fight for my sanity, but what choice did I have? If I didn’t, I was utterly defeated on most days by 7 AM.
My consolation was that we could afford a few distractions. “I think I’ll take the kids to the new Disney movie this afternoon while you work.” The thought of theater popcorn and a large Coke took the edge off the disappointment of another lonely Sunday.
“OK.” He looked at me apologetically and then pulled into our garage.
Leaving the kids in the car, I slipped into the house, through the laundry room and into our kitchen. I opened the pantry door to grab our popcorn bucket, but it was full of mismatched lids and containers. Dumping it out onto the shelf, I shut the door and sighed. I’ll get them later.
I shook away the acknowledgement that I had no intention of cleaning up my mess. Looking around our expansive kitchen, I mused again at how empty it felt…about as empty as I was.
“We’ll be back in a couple of hours,” Tears threatened to spill out as Aaron kissed me goodbye. I felt like a shell of the vibrant woman who married him 8 years before. While I wasn’t depressed, I wasn’t happy either. I wasn’t sure what I was.
A few minutes later, I shooed Amelia and Grant into the crowded concession line at the movie theater. Glancing down, I saw Grant lying on the ground. “Grant! Stand up!”
No matter how early he’d gotten up that morning, I didn’t want to have to hold him while we stood in line for popcorn.
I looked at my adorable kids and shook my head. A couple days before Amelia told me she was tired because Grant was waking her up at 5:00 a.m. every morning. I was incredulous. “Why?!”
“He just wants to play,” she told me.
No wonder they are fighting by 11:00 a.m. every day! If only there were a simple way to get more sleep…
“Mo-om!” Amelia insisted I come out of my head and back into the concession line. “What time is it?” She was the most time-aware 6-year-old child I knew. “What time does the movie start?! We’re going to be late!”
“Shhh. We’ll be fine.” I scowled. Having my thoughts interrupted irritated me, and I had no intention of going into this movie without popcorn.
There had been a time when I watched grown-up movies to stimulate creativity and intellectual analyzing. Now I went to children’s movies with the kids, hoping I wouldn’t poke my eyes out with boredom. And that’s why we’re not skipping the popcorn.
A few minutes later, we found seats in the front of the theater and started stuffing kernels into our mouths by the handful. I heaved a big sigh, wondering what the movie was going to be about. Based on the trailer, I expected Disney’s Frozen to be nothing but a fluffy children’s movie about a cute snowman and a reindeer.
The movie began and my disgruntled musings about my sleep-woes were interrupted by ethereal vocal sounds. I looked up to see Cinderella’s castle transitioning into the snowy dark of night and one big, bright, beautifully complicated snowflake.
Don’t forget your free bonus. Sign up for the Video Discussion Guide in the menu above this post.
Cocking my head to the side, I squinted. The dark mountainous landscape developing before my eyes seemed anything but fluffy. Out of nowhere, wide-toothed saws ripped through the mountain lake ice, and a chorus of men’s voices declared the dangers of a frozen heart.
I hadn’t anticipated a musical. I love musicals.
Soon, a castle near the mouth of a fjord appeared. Inside the castle, Anna jumped on her sister Elsa, as Elsa lay sleeping in bed. And then little Anna asked Elsa if she wanted to build a snowman. The girls, Anna and Elsa, appeared to be the same ages as Grant and Amelia.
Playful, early morning innocence cut through my icy exterior as violently as the sawing in the first scene. How did they know?
Quiet sobs escaped, and the eyes of my heart opened wide as Elsa created a magical winter wonderland experience for Anna. By the end of the “Do You Want To Build A Snowman?” montage, enough tears had flowed to thaw the edges of my frozen heart.
Somewhere in my spirit, I sensed a voice whispering, “This movie is a gift to you, Andrea. Receive it.” So for the next two hours, my heart opened, and I wept as I watched my life unfold before my eyes in a beautiful metaphor on the screen.
~Excerpt “Prologue” from the book Unfrozen: Stop Holding Back and Release the Real You
Reach Chapter 1 by clicking on this button.
UNFROZEN is on sale at a special price of $2.99 (paperback $15.99).
The Kindle and paperback versions of the book are available through Amazon.com. Come find me on Facebook and let me know you downloaded and don’t miss the free bonus: “Unfrozen Video Discussion Guide” in the menu above this post. It’s perfect for friends or mother-daughter conversations.
Click Here for the direct link to the book!
What others are saying…
This book will leave you feeling brave, encouraged, entertained and inspired. The great storytelling will make you want to read “just one more chapter” while the depth and wisdom offered will make you slow down and think about how it applies to your own story. Unfrozen will challenge and encourage you to not shrink away from who you were created to be. If you’ve ever felt frozen by your circumstances or stage of life or felt like you have to hold back a big part of who you are, this book is for you.
Susan Manes, Owner of Mathnasium, former Community Engagement Manger at Creative Trust Media
How refreshing! An imperfect author! Andrea’s raw reveal gives integrity to her infectious invitation. It turns out that God has chosen, loved, and released only the truly flawed, but uniquely fascinating, image-bearers to give voice to his love!
Neal Brower, MDiv, LLD
Pastor, Author, EFCA District Superintendent
Unfrozen would be a fantastic read for both adults and teenagers alike, and a great resource for parents and youth leaders to utilize with teens and young adults as well as women’s ministry programs.
Christina Klausen, MA
Recource Center Coordinator, Community Church Fond du Lac
Few books have the authenticity to change one’s perceptions of life or move one to action. This one does! I feel inspired, energized to become “unfrozen.” Through beautiful, descriptive prose, the author shares her own experiences and ways of overcoming fear, anger, resentment, confusion and so many other emotions that can hamper living life to the fullest, or as she says, “becoming unfrozen.” The stories are compelling and entertaining reading in themselves, but they also offer inspiring insights into how to make life changing decisions. It’s a great read for women of all ages.
Amazon Reviewer
Unfrozen from Andrea Wenburg on Vimeo.
This is how I learned to write a book
About 18 months ago I set out on the journey to write a book inspired by the movie Frozen. I saw the movie as a beautiful metaphor for my experience with my own struggle to release loving self-expression and I wanted others to have the opportunity to understand the imagery in the film like I did. I started blogging to practice writing, test my ideas, grow my audience and get the courage to share incredibly vulnerable aspects of my heart and experience. Then a year ago I started the actual writing process.
Rosanne Gridley, editor of Unfrozen
I almost immediately knew who I wanted to ask to be my editor. I met Rosanne at a course with Dr. Larry Crabb in Colorado Springs in 2012, before seeing Frozen. She started a Facebook group for our class and over the course of time, we shared many deep and transformational discussions. I recognized Rosanne as a woman of great depth and honor with a heart longing to express the love of God. I also knew she was an excellent editor.
When I sent Rosanne my first draft at the beginning of September, she let me down gently and shared a metaphor. “Writing a book is like having a baby. It takes a lot of time for the message to fully form and be ready for birth.” I wanted so desperately to publish my book before Thanksgiving, 2015. But Rosanne kept encouraging me and coaching me through a long and grueling process of writing and re-writing this year.
She also came up with the title Unfrozen.
One pivotal moment around December stands out in my mind. I sent Rosanne draft number 3 and we talked about my struggle with the structure of the book. I was fighting the idea of completely changing the format from a reflective study about Frozen imagery to telling more of my own story. Then from the other end of the line, my friend said, “God has already written your story and it’s a great story! You just need to get it out on paper.”
This book truly wouldn’t be what it is today had I rushed the process and not paid attention to the wisdom to press into my own fear and actually tell stories of my life that led me through the incredible transformation of my own frozen heart. From that point I was committed to sharing my story, the story God had already written.
Now, after 12 months of writing and 5 completely re-written drafts, this baby is about ready to be birthed. I can hardly believe it. And just like labor, I know that the next month or so will be an intense ebb and flow of getting the book out to the world.
Designed by Janelle Reed
The Unfrozen Launch Team is closed. We look forward to sharing the book with you very soon!
Thank you for being you. Thank you for reading these posts and for coming with me on this journey of vulnerably bold love that could truly change lives. You are brave and I look forward to getting to know you more as we interact even more in the days to come!
Inviting you to live unfrozen,
Andrea Joy
How To Lead a Drama-Free Team
Aaron called us the A-Team when we started dating and now we think of our family as a team. What kinds of teams are you on? Whether your team is a family, friends or a team of professionals, you’re a vital member of the group. And whether you are the team leader or you lead by example, you are uniquely equipped with your strengths, personality and experience to empower every other person on your team.
But do you know what gets in the way of teams unifying and empowering one another?
“Drama, drama, drama!”
Does your team struggle with any of the following?
- Overwhelm
- Communication
- Stress of team transitions
- Anxiety
- Emotional pain
Do you wish your team could…
- Get more done
- Unify so you can tackle the real problems and change lives
- Be happy
- Offer the best of who they are to their students and teammates
- Be drama-free
Drama-Free Team Leadership
Leadership can be a lonely road filled with tedious distractions, especially when your group is overwhelmed or hurting. No matter how much you care about your team, the fact is that you have too many other things to think about to expend time and energy on keeping everyone feeling happy and fulfilled.
It’s easy for people to become hyper-focused on everything that’s not going well when they feel overwhelmed and under-appreciated. But the truth is that no bucket will ever be full as long as there’s a hole in the bottom. You will never be able to fill the needs of your team as long as they are dependent on others to make them feel valuable. They need inspiration and training that will empower them from within so they can turn around and use their gifts to empower others.
The Plan
- Empower your team instead of rescuing them. You might care deeply for others and have the skills needed to solve difficult problems, but refrain from always doing that for your team. If you want a drama-free team that tackles the real problems with the best of who they are, they need to grow their problem-solving muscle. Empower them by standing with them and offering suggestions without trying to rescue them.
- Demonstrate relational and emotional health. How? Be honest without over-sharing. Work on your own self-awareness and ability to take your own concerns to God or someone you trust so you don’t inadvertently spread your burden to the entire team. Go to counseling, spiritual direction or see a relationship/emotion coach to help you process the more difficult issues you face.
- Defuse instead of escalate emotionally charged discussions. Recognize when you start to feel pulled into emotionally charged discussions. Take a breath and then ask calm questions that might help the other person think about what they are saying. You can put out fires by simply remaining respectfully calm when others feel intense emotion.
- Offer a fresh voice. You can’t do it all and sometimes people need to hear a fresh voice to offer a fresh perspective. Bring someone in to talk to your team and help them see the beauty of what they have to offer, and how they can offer it with a calm confidence. They will begin to realize the freedom and peace that awaits them and the team will strengthen exponentially.
You aren’t in this alone. If you want to know more about how to empower others to improve their emotional, spiritual and relational health, I’m here to help. Subscribe below this post (mobile) or on the side of this post (desktop) for weekly encouragement, strategy and tips.
Are you looking for more?
Andrea Joy Wenburg, B.A. Music Education, M.A. Counseling Ministries
I would be honored to have the opportunity guide your team into a fresh awareness of their own value and purpose so they can give others the benefit of the doubt and the best of who they are. They will find new strength and confidence as they act on behalf of others.
My experience as a Kindergarten – 12th grade music teacher, retreat planner, blogger, college ministry leader and leader of small groups allows me to customize this message for religious and secular audiences of all ages.
I can help in a variety of formats from a single speaking engagement up to a 9 month team-support program. Talk to me. We’ll figure out what would be best for you and your team.
You can’t do it for them. But you can empower them to do it for themselves.
Contact me for more information. (Click Here)
What others are saying…
“Andrea was great to work with. She was pleasant in communication and prompt in providing information and graphics needed during the planning process. Andrea’s presentation had great content and her follow-up guide was an excellent tool to assist attendees in processing the message on a deeper level. I definitely recommend utilizing her gifts and talent for future events!” ~Susan Hageman, Event Chair
“Andrea really listened to what I had to say prior to the presentation and it was evident in the information she presented to us. Topics, advice, suggestions, and encouragement that was customized for us! Andrea is using her gifts of compassion, listening, and leading to empower others to be the best versions of themselves.” ~Amber Larson, Early Childhood Education Team Leader and Retreat Planner
“I appreciate Andrea inviting us to think about what we do well; and then how we can use that to empower others. I sure hope to hear her again in the future!” ~Sue Sheneman, Retreat Participant
“Andrea’s presentations are both amusing and poignant. Her love for Jesus and her compassion for people are evident in every word she speaks. She will encourage your heart, but also challenge you to see what God is up to in your own life. Andrea is passionate about helping people move past roadblocks, so they can participate fully in the unique ways God desires to work through them.” ~Sam Elliott, Speaker
“Andrea is an amazing listener. She listens with purpose. I’ve been so impressed with her insight and ability to recognize the ideas and topics that not only inspire me, but motivate me to do more. Speaking with Andrea has been such an encouragement. I felt very understood and known. She helped me see that my voice and perspective mattered. She gave me concrete strategies to help me put my abstract ideas into action. Andrea has a gift, and she will help you discover yours.” ~Jessica Samuelson, Educator
Book Andrea Here <—Click
The Hard Truth About Being An Idealist
Do you have a dream? Do you think about what could or should be? If so, you may just be an idealist who longs for Utopia, a heaven on earth where perfect peace and justice reign.
It’s not easy being a dreamer.
At some point people and the world will disappoint you. Leaders cheat. Gunmen take out dozens of unsuspecting people in the blink of an eye. Friends speak harsh words to one another, wounding each other at the core. Families rip apart over pain and betrayal.
Good people suffer at the hands of other good people, making us wonder why we say they are “good” in the first place.
And when an idealist encounters the heart-wrenching, back-breaking, soul-searching painful realities of life, they begin to wonder, “Why bother dreaming of something better? It will never happen, anyway.”
Friends, that’s one reason why some of the beautiful idealists you know are so often depressed. I know. When I realized that I wasn’t the ideal me I wanted to be and I didn’t have the power to make the world the ideal world I believed it could be, I gave up trying.
Why bother with futile dreams?
I have a special place in my heart for dreamers.
I talk about this more in my book UNFROZEN: Stop Holding Back and Release the Real You, but there came a point where I had to find a deeper truth to sustain me through the heartache of life. It came down to this:
No amount of joy in this world could overcome the heartache of never achieving the ideal. But being a living, breathing display of God’s love to the world…now THAT was something I could live for.
While I am usually frustrated with anything less than the ideal, it’s often that frustration that motivates me to stand up and make a difference in the world. I see potential everywhere. Nothing and no one is without hope, until my world crushes in on me and I stop believing in dreams.
Idealists have a very difficult choice to make.
Will we refuse to acknowledge the pain of this world? Will we succomb to the heartbreak and get lost in the loss of what “could have been”? Or will we sacrifice our need to make everything ideal so we can offer who we are to the world anyway?
Sometimes it’s easier to settle for being happy over making a difference.
Sometimes it’s easier to give up.
But not you. You have it in you to let go of your need for everything to be ideal so you can offer the best of who you are to make the world a better place, anyway.
I created something to give you the opportunity to discuss what it means for idealists to face the hard truth.
Download this discussion/reflection guide for Disney’s Zootopia.
Download
Stop Waiting to be Discovered; You Can Fight Darth Vader, Too
It wasn’t like she asked for the opportunity. We simply walked into the auditorium to save seats up close because we knew Grant was excited to see the Jedi training show on our Disney cruise.
A woman stopped Amelia in the aisle and inquired, “Do you like Star Wars?”
“Ya,” Amelia responded.
What was she supposed to say? She never showed an ounce of interest in it until that morning when she decided to join us for the little show, but it might be rude to say anything else.
“Would you like to come up on stage and be trained as a Jedi?” the woman offered.
“Sure,” Amelia shrugged.
My stomach sank to the floor and before I could stop it, I turned into the ungrateful mom who asks for an extra freebie for her other child. “Her brother would like it so much more,” I pleaded with my eyes as the words came out. I knew Amelia wouldn’t mind giving up her spot so her brother could do it.
But they didn’t have time to wait for him. So they whisked Amelia away and the next time we saw her, she was wearing a brown robe and holding a coveted light saber. Grant was giddy when he realized she was going on stage but by the time she had her turn doing what every Star Wars fan ever dreamed of doing (fighting Darth Vader!) the question hit him.
“Why her and not me?”
I knew exactly how he felt. For years I read other people’s books, watched other speakers give presentations and listened to other people’s podcasts. And all the while I wondered, “Why them and not me?”
Maybe you’ve asked that question before.
Why did he get that part and not me?
Why is she married and not me?
Why does he get to travel for work and not me?
Why are they happy in their marriage and not me?
I’m sure we can all come up with answers to those questions.
He sucked up to the director.
She’s must be more comfortable talking to guys than I am.
He’s been in the job longer than I have.
If I had a spouse like that I’d be happy, too.
Maybe there is truth to some of these assumptions, or maybe they are just excuses. My reason for not doing what I longed to do certainly was…
“Because they haven’t discovered me yet.”
Do you hear how passive that sounds? I was waiting and waiting for someone to see me in a crowd and say, “I choose you, Andrea. It’s your turn now!” Because I assumed that the powers-that-be were the only ones who could finally give me my big break. They were the ones who could decide if I’d get that book deal…that speaking engagement…that interview. I was waiting to be discovered so I could make the impact I longed to make.
The statement, “God will make it happen if it’s supposed to happen,” is just as passive.
Yes, I just said that. Do you want to know why? Because whatever you believe about God, you still have to get up out of bed in the morning and put one foot in front of the other. God doesn’t do that for you.
Sometimes YOU have to act. YOU have to move.
You work your tail off for the next part.
You take risks to become more comfortable around guys.
You display the integrity, intelligence and grit it takes to travel for your job.
You stop demanding your spouse to make you happy and find your happiness in something more reliable.*
What are you waiting for?
Grant was quite disappointed by the time the Jedi training concluded. He tucked his head into my neck and I picked him up to carry him out of the auditorium. I let everyone else move on and then I paused in the aisle to speak to my son.
“Grant, I know you’re disappointed, but that happens a lot in life. Look up at that stage. Do you want to be up on that stage someday? If you really do, I believe you can. If you want to be a magician or get a job as a Lego Creator, I believe you can. But those things don’t just happen. You have to focus and work hard for it instead of being upset with others when you’re not chosen.”
Grant came home with all of the moves Amelia learned in her Jedi training and now the boy is ready to fight his own Darth Vader.
I don’t know what you long to do, be or say. But whatever it is, you won’t get there by waiting to be discovered. Take a risk and take action. Someone needs what you have to offer.
*Relationships are complicated. Please seek wise counsel if you are struggling in your relationships.
Would you like to read my story? Read the Prologue HERE or go directly to Amazon to purchase the book HERE.
One Thing We All Need When Facing Our Fears
She came into our room at ten o’clock, two hours after I put her to bed. I remember doing the same thing as a young girl. On the nights when I couldn’t stop thinking, I needed my mom to help me calm down so I could go to sleep.
“Mom? I can’t go to sleep.” She rubbed her eyes to push out the light, “I don’t understand what’s going to happen tomorrow.”
I walked Amelia back up the stairs to her room and explained the proceedure for her dance recital the next night. She was concerned because they had to move the recital to a bigger theater to accomodate the number of people who wanted to come. It would be a bigger stage.
I attempted to reassure her, “You’ll be fine, Amelia. You’ve performed on that stage a number of times before.”
“Ya, but not for dance!” She covered her face with her hands, anxiety coursing through her veins.
“Look at me, Amelia. It will be great. I will be there to help you backstage and you can trust your teachers. They’ve worked very hard to prepare. Just do what they say to do and you’ll have a great time. This will be a great opportunity for you to see how to overcome your fears by trusting the grown ups who are here to help you.”
A Bigger Stage
Of course Amelia would have been more comfortable had they been able to have dress rehearsal on the bigger performance stage. There were a number of girls anxious about how things would go that night. Where would they change? How would they line up? Where would they stand on stage?
It’s not easy to step out onto a bigger stage the night of performance.
It’s not easy to step out onto a bigger stage in life, either.
Whether you’re headed off to college, moving into a promotion at work, or taking a conversation in a different direction than others expect, it’s hard to step out onto a big dark stage when you haven’t rehearsed there. It can feel intimidating or even paralyzing. You might want to run away.
Trust Your Guide
You don’t have to run away when stepping into new territory. Quite likely there is someone who has gone before you.
Someone who knows the stage well.
Someone who believes you can do hard things.
Someone who can guide you step by step to the right place on stage and then be there to watch you dance.
It was a blast to see those dancers walk out onto the new stage last week and prove to themselves that they could do it. And we might not have done it perfectly, but their teachers and backstage moms were there for them every step of the way.
What big dark stage is waiting for you?
Who do you look to when you need a trusted guide to help you find your way and set you free to dance? Who needs you to be a guide as they set foot on a dark stage you know well? I am so grateful for those who have been there for me as I try new things and step out onto big dark stages.
If you want to take your thoughts and feelings and turn them into connection with others and impact on the world, I’m here for you. I’ve been searching for those very things myself for my whole life and I’ve figured out a few things along the way.
Every week I send an email on Wednesday to help you move from being thoughtful to becoming a thought leader in your relationships, community and the world. I know it can feel like a big dark stage, but if you want to figure out what to say and how to say it, the Voice Lessons email is for you.
Click the picture to join. It’s time to dance!
Click to receive the Voice Lessons weekly email.
How to Say “No” When You’re Expected to Say “Yes”
We were new to town with a new baby and a new home. Every step into all of the new was a little scary and a lot overwhelming. I joined an organized mom’s group to have a place to go where I could meet other women and face the fact that my life had forever changed.
At one of my first meetings the kind leaders announced that a woman from the group just had a baby.
Well…that’s really nice, I managed to think as I looked down at my baby who was fussy (as usual). I anxiously bounced and hushed and pacified her so I could focus enough to engage in the moment. While I was scrambling around in the diaper bag, another kind woman in my group handed me a paper.
“When do you want to take a meal to this new mom? Our small group is responsible for eight of them.”
Tears immediately welled up in my eyes as I stared at the list of open dates.
I can hardly put a meal on my own table – how will I put one on hers? I don’t even know her. I can’t believe they are making me do this!
I don’t remember if I actually took a meal to the young family or not. And now I am confident most of the moms there would not have thought poorly of me if I explained and passed the opportunity. But in that moment, I felt trapped. Overwhelm escalated to internal outrage and a strong desire to rebel against this external expectation. Inside, I beat on the walls that were pressing in on me.
Under Pressure
There are all kinds of expectations and assumptions we deal with on a daily basis. Our jobs pulling for us to do this. Friends pressuring us to do that. Sometimes we know exactly what they want. Sometimes we make guesses and play mind games, trying to figure people out. In our heads we hear them say:
Don’t let us down.
Don’t question the status quo.
Work your way into the group.
Earn your keep.
You’re a bad person if you don’t.
Of course, I can’t lie and say people never think those things. We will always live with the expectations of others. They may be communicated explicitly or they may be implied. Sometimes they may just be in our head. But the important thing to remember when you feel trapped in expectation is…
You always have a choice.
No one can make you do something you do not want to do.* You are a valuable and valued human being who gets to make choices – choices with consequences. When you and I act like we do not have a choice, we believe we are victims and we may become bitter toward those who seem to be holding us under their power. But we give others that power when we accept the pressure placed on us and lock ourselves in their cage of expectation.
You choose to stay or leave.
You choose to say no or yes.
The decision you make has consequences, so choose wisely. Choose intentionally. Put the pressure aside and think hard about what you most want to offer – what you most want to protect. And then own your decision.
You will build more robust relationships when you build them one honest and intentional decision at a time.
So if I bring you a meal, rest easy and know this: I choose to bring you a meal because I want to do it.
*If you really are trapped and do not feel you are able to make choices for yourself, I encourage you to seek guidance from a professional. Tell a friend or someone you trust. You are valuable human being and your voice matters.
Originally published at Her View From Home.
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It’s Bigger Than A Dress: Part 3
As a team, we declare that every woman, man and child is valuable, no matter their socioeconomic status, culture, race, age or gender. Every voice, every life, every heart matters. We do not speak for others, we can only hope that our voices (what we say and do) will turn our ears to hear the voices that are hidden, diminished and abandoned.
The boy sent out on the small boat to fish 14 hours a day.
The girl whose manipulative relative visits her room at night for his own pleasure.
The man who is told he must work or his family will be killed.
The woman who gives herself away to pay for the medical needs of her young child.
What you can do:
- Recognize the power you have and use it to empower others.
- Refuse to use other people to make yourself feel more valuable.
- Don’t blame victims.
- Believe you have dignity so you can recognize the dignity of every other human being and help them recognize it.
- Support – through prayer, relational interaction and finances.
What’s better than raising $1,000 for a cause? Doing it arm in arm with others. Donate through our Dressember team to International Justice Mission and A21 here: #YourVoiceMatters team page.
If you are inspired to donate to another organization fighting human trafficking (there are many!) or to act/think differently, would you let us know? It would be so encouraging for us to hear that our advocacy is making an impact.
Stephanie Sutphin, Wife/Stay-at-home Mom/Lover of crafting
Why did you decide to participate in Dressember?
I saw a blog post about Dressember through a friend. I wanted to join in right away! Human trafficking has always been something that deeply bothered me, and learning more about the injustices people are enduring daily made me want to fight for them, do anything I could. I rarely wear dresses and am nursing my baby girl so I knew it would be a challenge for me. That made the choice to participate even more meaningful. I choose to put on a dress every day because there are millions out there who don’t get a choice. I am also making decorating glass candle holders to raise money that are available to buy here: Etsy Candle Holders.
What does the phrase “your voice matters” mean to you?
It never seemed like my voice could matter. I’m not on the front lines with IJM helping people, or even a writer who could raise awareness. Recently I learned that sex slavery is happening in the United States, not just the rest of the world. That really hit me, but I still didn’t see how I could change things. Participating in Dressember has made me feel empowered. My voice does matter. I can make a difference by being an advocate to people who are treated wrongly, by valuing myself and others, and by raising my family to treat every single person they meet with dignity and respect.
Rosanne Moore: Homeschooling Mom of 4, Reading Instruction Specialist, Writer/Editor/Spiritual Director
Why did you decide to participate in Dressember?
I think I grew up with the wrong belief that women involved in the sex trade did so as a matter of choice. As I became more involved in ministry that allowed me to sit with women of a variety of backgrounds and hear their stories, I learned about the realities of human trafficking and have prayed for opportunities to do something about it. Since becoming a single mom about 4 years ago, I live with a strong awareness that single mothers in other parts of the world – women who are without my family support and educational opportunities – are incredibly vulnerable to sex trafficking. And as a follower of Jesus and the mother of a daughter, I want to intervene on behalf of victimized girls and women with the same passion that I would want shown by others toward me and my daughter, if we were being harmed. Dressember offers me an opportunity to support my sisters around the world actively.
Andrea made me aware of Dressember last year, and this year, I decided to participate as well. Seeing Andrea’s daughter Amelia involved made my middle school-aged daughter decide to join me. It’s been a stretch for us both as she’s active kid and I haven’t worn dresses much since my kids were born. (I spent too much time on the floor w/ little ones!) However, we’ve both unexpectedly discovered a new freedom to embrace and celebrate our own femininity during this time of solidarity with our sisters around the world.
What does the phrase “your voice matters” mean to you?
There have been some dark seasons in my life during which I surrendered my voice, both with God and others, because I felt powerless and discarded. Believing my voice matters is tied to a greater hope – that no matter what the result of speaking truth looks like in the short-term, in the long-run God hears and answers our cries. He is always at work to make all things new, and when I refuse to be silent in the face of injustice or deception or the status quo of self-interest, I affirm the truth of His character in the midst of circumstances would otherwise call for despair.
Living in the US and having spent some time in a 3rd world country also gives me a sense of responsibility to use the place of blessing that I’ve been given as an opportunity to serve those in far more challenging circumstances. All that we have, both in terms of material possessions and of options unknown to most of the world, are gifts that we can steward for God’s eternal purposes. What a privilege that is!