After roasting through a Georgia summer and scrambling to move into a new home just weeks before my second child was due, it was finally time to nest. I leaned back into the sofa, my feet propped up, and sorted freshly washed baby clothes. My toddler son wandered over. “Shoe?” he asked, holding up a bootie.
“Yes, honey, that’s for your baby brother or sister,” I smiled.
“Baby sister,” he pronounced with a nod.
“Yes, your baby brother or sister.” I responded, since we had foregone an ultrasound reveal.
“Baby sister,” he stated firmly, leaning against my leg.
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His words unsettled me. After mothering a boy for twenty months, I felt like I’d found a rhythm for who he was. My mom and I had survived my teens years but only because my peacemaking dad had helped us navigate the transition from parent/child to friends.
What would it be like to have a daughter? Did I have what it takes to mother a girl well? Or would we end up with one of those tense, competitive relationships that can take place between women in a family?
Whether I was ready or not, my son was right. I soon snuggled a beautiful, chubby-cheeked girl, with dark hair falling past her ears, and my adventure in parenting a “mini-me” – who is also very much her own person – began.
Fast forwarding fourteen years, she is still beautiful. Her deep brown eyes readily well up with tears of compassion or flash with passion over injustice. Logic and intuition both make a home in her heart, and woe to the disingenuous! While she’s patient and quick to forgive, her radar is alert for deception or inconsistency. Her three brothers appreciate her as both tough and tender. She calls me her best friend, yet our love and her trust unsettle me still, deepening my felt need of God’s wisdom and grace as her mom.
In a world that weighs her against air-brushed, starving fashion models, that measures her value by male approval, that seeks to silence her voice – what does my life, my mothering, teach her about being a woman? In a Christian culture that sends mixed messages about holiness, service and the nature of femininity – what does mentoring her as a Jesus-follower look like? In a home that’s hectic with homeschool, work, chores, noise and never enough sleep – in what ways can I both recognize and shape opportunities to connect with her heart?
Reading UNFROZEN together has been a gift to us both. Even as I resonated with Andrea’s story for myself, the book seeded conversations with my daughter about what it means to be a woman who loves and lives for Jesus. I could share the lies I believed, the mistakes I made because of them yet point to God’s faithfulness in pursuing and redeeming me. Discussing UNFROZEN together gave me a chance to hear her inner struggles and clarified the truths I want to pass on to her.
Check out the Free UNFROZEN Video Discussion Guide in the UNFROZEN Resource Center
- Instead of always working to be better, she really doesn’t have to be perfect.
- She can embrace and enjoy who she is and know that God enjoys her and that it’s not pride to delight in expressing her gifts for Him and others.
- Rather than being burdened to prove herself worthy of life, she can simply be glad she’s alive.
- Loving and being known is a risk worth embracing.
- In spite of the many ways she feels pressure to be strong, to protect herself, God’s love is a place of rest for her where she can be weak and just be held.
- No citizen of God’s kingdom is second-class, and it matters that she offer all that God has placed within her for the good of His kingdom.
- Instead of fearing her own beauty or feeling unworthy of respect, her identity as a woman comes from responding to God, not filling a role designated by society or church or anyone/anything else. Her dignity is secured as His daughter.
- More than anything, I long to see my girl freely offer whatever is going on in her heart, her reality of the moment, to God, knowing that she is fully loved and desired and treasured by Him, instead of trying to figure out how she’s “supposed” to live.
I’ve been blessed that she’s chosen to be a Jesus-follower in her own right, but, I’m realizing that even if she hadn’t, I can still choose to live these truths before her, alongside her. Although I didn’t know how I was “supposed” to mother a daughter, God’s faithfulness has upheld and led us both, and I am forever grateful for this gift who has grown me up, with her.
What does it take to mother a daughter well? Just an open, honest heart and a very gracious God.
Rosanne Moore is the homeschooling mother of 4 awesome kids who amaze, amuse and humble her, as well as one precious babe who anchored her heart in eternity. In 2011, single parenting arrived as an unexpected fork in her road. However, it’s left her more grateful than ever for God’s faithfulness and His many grace-gifts, which include a close-knit extended family, honest friends who are both hilarious and wise, snuggly cats and a good book on a rainy day, all forms of chocolate and the color purple.
Utilizing her experience as a reading instruction specialist for students K5-adults and as a language arts/writing tutor in her current work as a freelance editor, Rosanne helps writers hone their message to connect effectively with their audience. With her passion for truth and heart for seeing the Body of Christ deepen in community for God’s glory, she also serves as a spiritual director, listening to the unfolding story of God’s work in the lives of others and sharing her own journey of seeking God in every part of life, even (or, perhaps, especially) in our darkest nights. She can be contacted regarding either of these services at rosannemoore.stories@gmail.com
The UNFROZEN Video Discussion Guide is here!
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