Have you ever been unsure of how much of your personal life and world views you should share with your audience; especially on social media?

When I first began putting my voice out into world publicly on social media, I found myself deleting a lot of posts because I never knew if I was sharing too much of my personal life. It was confusing and overwhelming. Over time, I was able to find the balance between sharing enough to allow my audience to connect with me while not sharing so much that it scared them away.

In this episode, I’ll help you find a little more clarity around this topic by breaking down the three main types of audiences you have and how to best communicate with each one so you can know exactly what to share and what to hold back depending on who you’re sharing your voice of influence with.

 

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Transcript

Hey, hey! It’s Andrea and welcome to the Voice of Influence podcast! Do you ever feel nervous about putting your voice out there? Maybe you have an opinion or a thought about something that you really feel like you need to share, and maybe it’s even like burning inside of you, but you’re not really sure if you should share it.

This can happen in many different contexts. The easiest one to talk about would probably the social media. When do we post something on Facebook and when do we not and how do we decide, “Am I going to talk about this really cool thing that happen with my family and seem like I’m bragging? Or am I going to share this really hard thing that happened to me then I sound like I’m complaining?”

It’s really easy to get confused about whether or not we should share things. And so some people just totally back out at the game, others of us kind of explore it and experiment and then oftentimes end up feeling confused or even regretting posting things. There have been many times when I have deleted a post. I put something out there and I delete it real quick, especially when I first started trying to leave intentionally a digital footprints. I did a lot of deleting at first.

Now, I have a better sense of what I want to share, at what point in time, and I have a better sense of the context that I’m working with. So it’s a little bit different now than it was.

I’m going to share with you some of the things that I’ve learned about sharing in contexts and understanding your audience when it comes to sharing your own personal world view. This can apply to social media or can apply to your relationships. It can apply to where you work or your community whatever that community might be.

I’m going to be talking about this in terms of having an ideal audience, an ideal customer and that sort of thing. When I say that, I want you to know that it’s just a way to talk about this. It’s not just about whether or not you’re selling something but if you’re selling something this is very important. Even if you’re not, even if you are simply wanting to spread your world view, to share your world view, because it’s important enough that you believe that it needs to get out there, most likely, you’re wanting people to adapt that world view.

You’re essentially selling your world view. You’re wanting somebody to buy in even if it’s not something they actually pay for. You’re wanting to buy in of their hearts. I think that’s what message-driven leadership is all about anytime, and we have to be really careful with how we handle that topic, with how we handle the way that we market our message or share our message.

But we also need to understand that there is a sense of buy in that we’re looking for if we’re going to share this. I mean, why else would you share? You’re looking to be a part of the discussion and even if you’re willing and open to change yourself, even if you’re wanting to be a part of that dialogue, you’re still wanting to have some buy in into your own world view.

So you’re learning influence, you’re wanting impact, or you’re wanting to make a difference with your message then there is a sense of like needing that ideal person. Who is that ideal person who needs this message? So we’re talking about that ideal person in that term of ideal customer or ICA (Ideal Customer Avatar). A lot of times that’s the three letters that people use to kind of describe this person. The person who is the most perfect person who needs what you have, who is ready to buy it, and ready to buy in and truly does.

It’s those people that I think ultimately we are seeking to find with whatever kind of message we’re sharing. So, as we discuss this today that’s what we’re talking about whether this applies to you as somebody who is in business or somebody who is a leader who is wanting buy in to your concepts, to world view, to your point of view. That’s what we’re talking about.

All right! So here’s the problem, so we know that what we’re ultimately seeking is buy in. It’s that person who’s going to actually pay for our services or that person who is really going to come onboard with our point of view, whether that’d be ours or combined point of view, we’re looking for that buy in. We want this. We want to move forward with our message in a way that’s going to make a difference in people’s lives.

But the problem is, it’s hard to know when to share what. It’s hard to know who wants to hear what I have to say and who doesn’t, or when is it appropriate for me to say something that I really feel passionate about and when should I hold back legitimately or the even deeper problem is when we wonder whether or not what we have to say really matters in the first place. Does it ultimately matter? Am I worthy of sharing this message or is it going to actually make a difference in anybody else’s life?

But here’s the thing, when it comes to having a point of view, having a world view, we don’t live an isolation. There’s a reason why we live in community. There’s a reason why we have conversations and dialogue, it’s because we need to hear other people’s point of view and we need to share our own point of view to be able to help contribute to this respectful dialogue that could help us move forward as human beings.

We need each other and your voice does matter. What you have to say does matter. But we have to be careful about how we do that, about the context in which we share our point of view. We need to be savvy. We need to think about “what is it exactly that I’m dealing with here? Who am I talking to? What is it that I really want to say? Will this message get in a way of another message that it’s more important?” These are really important things to identify and to have a sense and to have an idea about what’s going on.

So what I have learned over the past few years of putting my voice out there and trying to figure this out for myself is that there are basically three groups of people that we have to talk to. Now, you could nuance this into many different groups for sure, and every individual is different. But this will give you an opportunity to think about these three basic groups of people that you will come in contact with when it comes to wanting to share your point of view, and how you would share what you would share.

When it comes to somebody who is in business, some of those questions are “Well, what do I sell and what do I give away for free?” That’s a very hard question. It’s not super easy. But there are some basic ideas that we can grasp unto that are really helpful when it comes to making that decision.

OK, so there are three different basic groups of people that you’re speaking to, whether you’re talking about social media or living your life and sharing your point of view. You’re either going to be talking to somebody who does not share your world view or your point of view who maybe you’re wanting to in a sense convert to your point of view. You’re wanting to convince them, to entice them, compel them, or to influence them to believe something or to think something differently than they already do.

Those people, you could sort of say are “the unconverted.” That’s one way to put it. I’ve heard Angelique Rewers use that word and I think it’s a good way to put it. They’re the people who have not converted to your particular way of thinking, to your point of view, your message. Those people, you’re going to talk to differently than you would talk to the people who have already adapted your world view or who share your world view or your point of view.

So, there are the people who do not share your world view and then there are the people who do share your world view. There’s people fewer of those people, so there’s generally going to be a lot of people who do not share your world view, fewer people who share your world view and then even fewer people who you are specifically called to help in a specific kind of way based on that world view.

So, those people, those people who you are called to serve in a very specific way, those people who’d be your ideal customer, your ICA, or if you want to think of it in terms of just your ideal audience, the person who is the perfect fit for your message and what you have to offer. They’re hungry for it. They have a need for it. They’re willing to pay for it or to buy in to it in some sort of way. So these are the three groups.

Now, when you think about it, let’s take this back to social media. When you think about it in terms of social media, you’ve got the broad audience of people who may or may not share your world view when you go into Facebook. Now, when you go on to Twitter, you’re talking to a lot of people who may or may not share your world view.

Maybe they just want to see pictures of your kids whatsoever growing up then you post something about your world view with a staunch on something and that person looks at it and says “Wait a second, I just wanna see pictures of their kids but now they’re preaching to me and I don’t agree with them. I’m just not gonna pay attention to them anymore.”

Pretty soon, you do not show up on their news feed because they do not click to like your post so they didn’t comment on it or that sort of thing because that’s how the algorithm are set up. You have to actually engage with somebody to see their stuffs show up on their news feed. This is the way it is right now and the ways is going to continue to be because it’s based on the consumer and what the consumer wants. The algorithms know based on what you click on and like and that sort of thing.

So, if you want to continue to have a voice with people who do not necessarily agree with you then Facebook might not be the place to say something with a very staunch opinion or to just do it every once in a great while. Because when you’re talking to people who do not already share your world view, remember that you’re talking to them in a different way than you’ll be talking to a close friend who definitely does share your world view.

So, when you think about what you’re going to share in particular in this public settings on your news feed, commenting on somebody else’s post that sort of thing, or if you’re in a public setting in a real life version of that, you know, in conversation with other people and meeting that sort of thing. When you are trying to convert somebody to your way of thinking or you’re trying to compel them to consider what you have to say, you speak differently to that person. You give more of the why. You share why this is important. You share stories about why this world view is important to consider. You share statistics about why somebody should consider this world view or this point of view. You share questions and engage people in conversation about this particular point of view.

In this conversation, you can still share your ideas back and forth but you’re listening as well, and it’s a very important part of a respectful dialogue. So when you’re talking to that general public, those people who may not share your world view, you’re sharing why your world view or your point of view is worth considering.   Then if you have a business and if you’re looking to draw people into the next level of with you, the next level of intimacy with you and your brand then you would be asking them to join a Facebook group or subscribe to your email list.

This is a step closer to you and to intimacy with you and these people then are people that do share your world view. They are saying “I want to hear from you more often. I want to have more of a conversation about this topic.” They’re not turning you off and then going to do something else. They’re may be trying to decide but at least, you’ve got some sort of buy in from them to commit to your email list even for a short time or your Facebook group or that sort of thing.

In real life, this would be like “Come to my church, or come to Rotary, or come this particular service organization where you will then be a part of the group. You’re going to be a part of the group and you’re a part of the group because you share this world view of service or you share this world view of this religious institution.

When you do that and when people start to say “Okay, I wanna test this out and try out,” maybe they’ll try it out _____, they’ll come for a little bit and then they’ll decide whether or not they’re going to stay and adapt this world view or not and contribute to this particular group or not. So you have this second level of intimacy where there’s a group now or tribe of sorts.

In that tribe, you can speak a little more freely, assuming that those people who are there already agree with your point of view. Those people don’t need to be necessarily converted, if you will, but they are here because they already agree. Of course, there could be some overlap and they might not totally agree but if they’ll come, they’re probably expecting to hear messages that assume that they agree with what you’re saying.

You can nuance those to be kind of careful about that but in general the idea is that these people have said “Yes, I do want to hear more. This is about me. This is the way I wanna think. I wanna learn more about this.” So you can speak more freely with more of your passion perhaps, more of that energy or conviction in your voice about how important this is, whatever this message is.

Then the next level would be that ideal customer avatar, that ICA, or your ideal audience. That person who wants to take it even a step further, they want to not only adapt this world view, they want to apply it to their lives in some way or they want to apply it to their business or they believe that what you have to say is that they’re in alignment with what you’re saying about your world view.

So now they want to work with you to help them apply that in some way to their lives and this is where you get into the how. So before with that unconverted group, with the people who don’t necessarily share your world view, you’re sharing a lot of why this world view or this point of view is important or why it’s something to consider, why you should consider converting to this point of view. Then they come into this closer circle of people who is more like a tribe and those people are saying “Yeah, I pretty much agree with this world view, tell me more.”

So you’re educating them and in going deeper with the why, you’re maybe dabbling in some of the how but then you go into this inner circle, the people who are truly there to really put the pedal to the metal and make some real changes. Those are people who have maybe an urgent need. Maybe there’s a sense of desperation or desire or I don’t know just a real sense of conviction that they really want to take this to the next level and they’re willing to do something significant to get there.

This could be going from that Facebook group if we’re talking about the online presence, Facebook group to buying a product. You have now a product that you want to sell or coaching program that you want to sell and these people they’re saying, “Yeah, I wanna learn from this person. I wanna learn how to apply all this to my life because they’re the person that I agree with. I agree with their voice. I like their voice and the way that they speak to my life. I want to follow them down this path to take it even further. I want them to be the ones who teach me how to apply this to my life.

That’s what you do with that closer, that inner circle kind of ideal audience, those ideal customers. In a context of a live context, we went from those who aren’t in church, to those who are in church or the service organization if you want to say that to then many of leadership position or in-dept bible study or something like this where there is something that requires a lot more from them.

This can even be a way for them to take their point of view and apply it to life in a way that they are really turning into somebody who knows more about it and who can help others and then turn them into evangelists, if you will. When I say evangelist, I’m talking about going back and sharing more of this world view to other people that they’re comfortable with or whatever.

This is about spreading a message, isn’t it? When you’re talking to those people in that context of the Facebook like the whole public Facebook situation, those people aren’t people that you can train and rise up and go out and start spreading your message. I say your message, I’m assuming that your message is a bigger message than just you.

But they’re not the people that you kind of do that with then you bring people into the Facebook group or the next level of intimacy with you. And at that point, they are saying “Yes, tell me more. Yes, convince more. Yes, you can sell me on this idea or this program that you have that’s going to help me to apply this to my life,” and then you get to that point with those few people who really want what you have to offer.

They want to buy that offering or buy in to that offering “Yes, I wanna serve on that committee,” or “Yes, I want to make this such a big part of my life that it’s something that I do in every little aspect of my life,” or “Yes, I want to buy that coaching program because I wanna work with you and learn more about this particular subject that you’re teaching about or that you’re coaching me through. I wanna get better and I want you be the person to do that.”

With those people, those inner circle people, those people that your ideal audience you get to see so much more. This is where you get to pull the curtain back and say “This is what’s really going on.” It’s not like you’ve been deceiving anybody along this process of course, not of your voice of influence. But if you get to this point, you share more. There is more to be shared. You could be offering a service of some kind. I’m talking about a message-driven service, right?

So if you have something you’re wanting to share or a message you’re wanting to share then you’re going to be able to use your voice in a more powerful and direct kind of way with those people who really have said “I’m buying in. Please. Yes, tell me.” So your voice can shift with the context and the audience that you’re speaking to. Your voice does not need to be your exact feelings all the time.

In fact, you can soften your voice in certain contexts because you want to share a little message without offending people knowing that you’re sharing this message with a broad audience. You’re wanting people to think about this thing, but you’re going to soften it in tone because you also don’t want them to stumble on the fact that you might be really adamant about your thoughts.

The other day our kids did something, it was in school, but they participated in an activity that we paid for and I thought that it would be really fun for them. I thought they would really enjoy it. But they got home that day and were very upset about their experience that day and they ended up not doing as many activities as we thought they would. In particular, they felt like they were being annoying to the people that were in charge.

This can happen all the time. I mean, these parents, I can say this, I have definitely over done my fair share of comments that make my kids probably feel like they’re just an annoyance to me. I have certainly done this, but I’ve also learned that that’s not helpful for them and then actually so demeaning to them and my kids know. They sense that. They sense when you and me, when anybody doesn’t care. They sense when you’re annoyed with them instead of delighting in them.

Kids, adults, we all want to be delighted in. We don’t want to be annoying to people. The kids, so often, because they’re in these groups and they’re expected to be quiet and that sort of thing. They feel like it’s a constant dread of “You’re so annoying. You’re so annoying.”

This day in particular, I was really kind of frustrated that that is the communication that my kids felt. So I thought “You know what, I wanna say something about this.” But I didn’t want to say something that would be really offensive. I didn’t want implicate anybody. In general, I wanted to say, “Please don’t act like kids are so annoying to you all the time. Please delight in them.”

So what I did on Facebook, this is just an example. I wrote something along the lines of kids can tell when you appreciate them or something like this. But they also can tell when you’re just annoyed by them. Let’s breathe life into our kids. I just wanted to share this short little thing to get people to think about it.

I was hoping maybe just a few people would see it and say, “You know what, today, I’m not gonna act annoyed with these kids. I’m going to smile at them. I’m going to try to remember that I have the power to breathe life into them by smiling at them or by not acting annoyed, by dealing with behavior without placing judgment on them whatever it might be.”

By I soften all of that with “Let’s breathe life into our kids.” I didn’t share details but I still said something that was very true and because I did that, that really softened the tone. I had a very strong opinion at this but I didn’t want to come off as being accusatory. Who knows anybody just looking at that could be like “Oh my goodness, is she talking about me?” I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to make it about me as well.

So when you put yourself in there instead of just telling people, you should do this, as though you are on a pedestal of some kind. You’ve got it figured out and they don’t and now you need to tell them that’s really annoying to hear in that context because people haven’t given you that kind of permission. When you get to that inner circle of people who are your ideal person and they know you, you know them; you have a connection, a relationship.

That relationship can handle more of the power in your voice. It can handle more of that conviction. It can handle more of the directives that you might have to offer. In fact if somebody has paid you to coach them, they’re looking for your advice. They’re saying “Please give me your advice. Do not hold back your advice, I need it. That’s what I’m paying you.”

There is a huge difference between that person and then that general audience of people. So you can soften your tone. But as these people come in and draw near and closer to you, you can become more clear and more transparent with the actual emotion in your voice and that sort of thing.

So even here with the podcast, this I would consider to be that second level, because if you’re out on Facebook or whatever maybe you’re seeing me and that’s one thing. But to commit to listening to this podcast is a completely different level of engagement with me.

So, I speak more freely with you here than I do on social media. I get more specific and I’m really still though I’m talking about the why and I’m adding a little bit of the how. If you’re to work with me or purchase a program of mine or that sort of thing, then you would get an even more clear version of what I have to share because you have said, I want to hear more from you. I want you to help me with my personal brand strategy, to help me figure out who I am and very really super clear about my identity and be super self aware so that I can share that authentically in the world and know how to do this.

So this is just how this works. These are these three basic groups of people. There’s this outer layer, those people who do not necessarily share your world view, you have to soften your tone. Every once in a while, you can come out and say something really strong, but if you do not soften your tone a little bit, more than likely, people are going to turn you off and that’s fine.

If you’re very divisive, if you’re like “You know what, I really want to know exactly who’s in and who’s out.” You can do that. You can draw a very clear line in the sand and say “Either you’re on this side or that side and I only wanna talk to people on this side,” then you end up screaming at the people on the other side and that’s what very often ends up happening or you can completely ignore the people on the other side.

But if you do not want to just draw a clear line in the sand, if you really do want to spread a message and evangelize it essentially. It means taking that message out and sharing it with others and seeing if they want to come onboard, if they want to buy in and if they want to come closer. If you’re doing that then there are these three different groups. And yes, you can soften your message when you’re at on top, when you’re talking to people on that public kind of level. It doesn’t mean you lie, it just means you soften.

If you haven’t heard of me say before “You can be real without baring all.” So no matter what you do, be authentic, be real, and speak the truth of what you’re trying to say. Be authentic in your self-expression but you don’t have to be completely transparent and you can apply tactics like softening in order to draw people in further. Not because you’re lying, not because you’re manipulating, but because you’re inviting.

You’re saying, “This is what I have to say in general, would you like to hear more? Because if you want to hear more, come closer,” and that’s what you keep doing. You just keep inviting people to come closer. As they come closer, you speak with more conviction andmaybe perhaps more power and then those people turn around and start spreading the message as well.

So friend, do not be afraid of softening your tone in that outer layer of conversation and then don’t be afraid of continuing to make it a more clear and strong point of view as people come closer and make your voice matter more!

 

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