Category Archives: Uncategorized

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Keep Calm: We’re All Fragile

Teachers, you never know what words will ring in your students’ minds for life. I was a music education student at the University of Nebraska-Kearney in 2000. Though I don’t recall the title of the class, I vividly remember the day Dr. S nailed us to the wall. We were discussing leadership principles and classroom management when the hammer came out.

“Don’t you EVER yell at a kid for your poor classroom management.”

After peeling myself off the back of the band room wall I sat taller and more intent on taking responsibility for being proactive and giving students tangible ways to stay on task rather than blaming their behavior for my own lack of direction.

I Still Remember

Keep Calm
The command follows me around as a parent.There are moments when it all goes well – when everyone is happy and learning and getting along. I love feeling like I’m one step ahead of the kids. But sometimes I’m three steps behind them and I feel horrible. Sometimes I heave big sighs and pull my hair because of how they are acting. And (believe it or not) sometimes I yell at them for my own poor “classroom management.”

I find it difficult to balance the parent-guilt with the child-blaming.

Who is at fault for this behavior right now? Why am I getting so upset? Would someone else please come manage this classroom?!

One thing I have figured out is that sometimes my kids need help calming down. I wrote about this in a Her View From Home article recently. (Click here to view the article.) It’s not always easy for me to calm myself down, so why would I expect my children to calm themselves down in the midst of a tantrum? I think that “classroom management” in this setting looks a lot like a calm mom calming her children and informing them of the consequences of their inappropriate actions later, when everyone is at peace.

Man, is staying calm exhausting! But I definitely notice that when I make threats and allow my intensity to rise, it makes the situation more volatile. And none of us need that.

Keep On Keepin’ On

It’s not easy to write about this kind of thing. I hear my own declarations ring in my ears every time I get upset. I want more for our kids. I want more for their parents. I want to set up the classroom of our home in such a way that our anxiety runs low and our passion runs high.

It takes an enormous amount of time, energy and determination to manage a home with kids. And we all do it differently. So to the parents out there, here’s your virtual hug from me. Keep on keepin’ on. I know it’s exhausting. I know we mess up. And I know we all need to be gentle with ourselves and our kids. Let’s manage our homes with calm hearts. 

For more information about how to manage intense kiddos, check out Kirk Martin’s website Celebrate Calm (click here) or follow Celebrate Calm on Facebook. I’m a fan. 🙂

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Just ask.

I should just ask.

I love discovering people’s unique contributions to the world and then celebrating them by receiving their offerings with open arms. But when I have a specific need to fill, I often look around aimlessly – wondering who will help me. I don’t ask others for help because I’m afraid I might not get a response. 

Being ignored feels worse than being invisible. Asking is risky.

Recently, I have been feeling the “need” for photos to use here on the blog. Images stick with me in ways words do not. That may sound crazy from someone who writes quite a bit. But it’s true. I’m the gal who prefers the movie over the book – most likely because I never read the book in the first place! (Can I say that?!) My brain imagines everything in diagram, so reading descriptions isn’t nearly as interesting to me as seeing the scene at the theater.

In fact, I remember my own blog post by the picture that accompanies it before I remember the title I gave it! So, finding an image to convey the message that flows out in each blog post is a big deal to me. I get lucky every once in a while with my own camera but I don’t really know what I’m doing. I toyed with the idea of learning more about photography, but I have SO many other things I want to do first.

So, week by week I look in the Creative Commons archives for images that speak what I am trying to say. And week after week I find ZERO joy in posting them.

Because I don’t know the photographer.

I tend to believe in finding jobs for the right people instead of finding the right person for a job. It is an important value I hold. I often make choices based on people I want to connect with rather than qualities I want in an institution or activity. It’s not that qualities don’t matter, it’s that the relationship oftentimes means more.

Empowered by this relational focus one night, I finally said to myself….

I should just ask.

And I did. You passed the word around and three very talented “amateur” photographers blew me away with their response. I couldn’t wait to share them with you!

Linda Liljehorn

Laura Bernero www.laurabernero@wordpress.com

Jennifer Brungardt


I am so grateful to them for opening up their archives to Live & Love Deeply. You will see more of them in the future.

Thanks as well to Christina Klausen Photography for her water image used for the title of this blog and this beautiful image of our daughter, used on my first breakout post about how Frozen changed my life:

www.christinaklausenphotography.com


I feel a deep connection with others when their art and my art dance. Maybe you’ll feel it too.

And maybe next time I’ll remember that people don’t know I need help until I ask. It’s worth the risk.


If you are interested in contributing a photograph or a few to the message of Live & Love Deeply, please email me for more information. Thank you!

awenburg@gmail.com


If you would like more thoughts on living and loving deeply, sign up for email notification of new posts on the right side or bottom of your screen. And as always, you are welcome to share with your friends!

Thank you, Friend!

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Saying No To Something Wonderful

Sometimes saying yes to something new,
means saying no to something wonderful.

I absolutely, positively cherish small groups. For many years, leading a small group has been my thing. Young adult women in Chicago, college women in Hastings, and young moms in North Platte. My heart swells as I picture these uniquely amazing women and recall what it was like to know each other deeply.Uprising

When masks come off and real comes out to meet Love, miracles happen. The hidden is seen. Wounds are healed. Deep connections are made. Vision is cast. Love is released. It is hard to hide when a group interacts like that. It is hard to pretend. And for that reason, a lot of ugly comes to the surface. A lot of doubt and fear and demand.

Many people avoid digging deeper to uncover the real. It’s terrifying. Dangerous. Exposing. Vulnerable. And people inevitably get hurt. I may unintentionally be the cause of someone else’s pain when they reveal themselves. They may be the cause of mine.

But today I want to shout: It’s WORTH the risk! It’s worth asking for forgiveness. It’s worth offering forgiveness when others hurt us. It’s worth the pain of brokenness to be made anew with more love than you can imagine. It’s worth persevering in relationship.

You are worth it.

Today the small group I’ve been leading for four years concluded. My new yes meant it was time to say no to this something wonderful. Small GroupWith incredible courage we spoke life-giving, sending words of love and appreciation for one another. I get goosebumps thinking about the power in that room. I will miss being with them in that sacred space. We all will.

But it’s time for something new. It’s time for each of us to be released to offer ourselves and connect with others in new ways. Last night, while preparing for today, I came across a new song by Nichole Nordeman (video below). I’ve had it on repeat for 24 hours.

This is the unmaking, the beauty in the breaking
Had to lose myself to find out who you are.
Before each beginning, there must be an ending.
Sitting in the rubble, I can see the stars.

Have you unmasked and allowed the real in you to be seen and met with great Love? Are you curious what it would be like? Will you muster up the courage to try? Are you willing to say no to something wonderful you can say yes to what comes next for you?

If you are looking for a place to start, try inviting a couple of friends to coffee. Read a book, the bible, a blog post. Share something real. Real feelings, real fears, real thoughts – and show some real love.

Here’s a YES! to the unmaking of each of us – and to new beginnings.

Love,

Andrea Joy

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A “Single” Scoop For You

I wonder if any of us realize the impact another person makes on us until we are forced to say goodbye? Mourning those we love seems to open the door to a deep reflection that explores the intangible dynamics of a relationship. It gives us a chance to remember and smile and cry and shake our heads. Because, let’s be real. It’s not like anyone is perfect.

The post Grandparent Magic was largely inspired by my paternal grandparents. They had an incredible and lasting influence on many people, but they had their quirks! ☺

Grandpa Bill was a leader – and leaders often have strong opinions. One of my favorite stories about Grandpa took place one of the many times he went to Goodrich for an ice cream cone. Grandpa ordered a single scoop of (what I imagine to be bubblegum) ice cream. The Goodrich worker put the standard two scoops for the “single” on his cone and handed it to Grandpa – who proceeded to flick the top scoop of ice cream onto the counter. “I said a SINGLE scoop.” And he walked out the door.

Tito Perez - Creative Commons

Tito Perez – Creative Commons

This week I have a treat for you…a “single” blog post – Goodrich style! My first article to be published elsewhere is running in an online magazine called Her View From Home.
It is called, “This Too Shall Pass” and is a tribute and reflection on the phrase that embodied my Grandma’s hope in God, not her present circumstances. I hope you will read it and share it with many others.  Thank you!!!!!!

Don’t flick the scoop off and walk out quite yet…

Click here: This Too Shall Pass

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Fear Of Missing Out – My Promise

I’ve been doing a lot of research the past few months about blogging, promoting via social media and all that. I had no idea how many people have so much to say about the subject! I’ve dabbled in blogging in the past but this time around I’m ready to share with the world. Every writing expert has 5 things to make-sure-you-do for this and 7 things to avoid-like-the-plague for that. I learn a lot from these folks and am thankful for them! But the advice has been hard to sort through, and at times it makes me feel like I’m a total slacker for not writing 500 words a day and not utilizing Twitter more effectively and generally falling short.

The great news is that if I just act TODAY and listen to THIS podcast or watch THAT video or take advantage of the deal of the day, I’ll be on my way to reaching the world with my message!

No pressure!

I think my experience online is not unlike my experience comparing schedules and activities and clothing and food. Surely I’m withholding good things from my family! Surely someone is withholding good things from me!  The pressure piles on and begs me grasp at the things I don’t have.

I recently read this advice about writing blog titles: “Play on people’s FOMO by using words like need and must-have or miss-out.” That’s right. If you didn’t know already, FOMO is a thing. But whether you know it or not, marketers* do. They know you have a fear of missing out and they know how to tap into it so you will buy their product, read their post, consume their food, play their game.

So here’s the thing. I promise to do my best to invite you rather than manipulate you. I hope that what I write might be meaningful to you. But I also do not want you to feel compelled to read something because of fear. I long to invite you with love. And you know what? Though I write to provide you the opportunity to think and feel more deeply, I am quite confident you don’t NEED anything I say or do to Live and Love Deeply. Deep Love teaches that.

I just want to give you a taste of it here.

Thanks for reading. It matters a great deal to me that you are here. But if you don’t come back, I’ll send you off with a hug and a wave and a smile. Come back anytime.

Deeply,

Andrea Joy

*I do not think all marketers are manipulative!  🙂 A lot of marketing today is filled with gratitude and respect. I love that.

real me

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Following Curiosity Where It Leads

It’s one thing to be taught.
It’s a completely different thing to follow curiosity where it leads.

Photo Credit: Yogesh Kumar Jaiswal Creative Commons Text added https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/legalcode

Photo Credit: Yogesh Kumar Jaiswal
Creative Commons
Text added
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/legalcode

The other day I was in the car with the kids when we drove by a building and I spontaneously stated:

That is Lincoln Elementary School.

 “Is that where all of the kids in Lincoln go to school?”

Actually, it’s a school for kids in North Platte. But the name of the school is Lincoln.

 “There are a lot of things named Lincoln!”

Do you know WHY there are so many things by that name?

Photo: Penn State Special Collection Creative Commons https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/legalcode

Photo: Penn State Special Collection
Creative Commons https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/legalcode

Our kids are five and eight. Although they recalled a couple of basic facts about President Lincoln and slavery, the significance of Lincoln’s impact on our life here-and-now was still a little fuzzy. After discussing the basics of the Civil War, Grant opened a new door and my heart went pitter-pat.

“It’s a good thing we don’t have slavery anymore!”

I wish that were the case, Grant.

We talked about modern-day slavery in December when Amelia and I participated in Dressember (read about that here), but this time felt different. This time the kids were engaged by their own curiosity. The little doors to their hearts were open and hungry for more. I held the sacred moment with tender conviction and shared that there are many people who have to work for no pay and under terrible conditions. I went on:

Recently IJM rescued children in Ghana who are your age. They were on boats where they were forced to fish all day long, every day. That’s why Amelia and I participate in Dressember. We wear dresses every day in December to help raise money to rescue more kids and grown-ups from slavery.

“What can boys do?”

So much, son.

What Can Boys Do?There are intensely personal issues at play in this discussion. It confronts my consumerism, prejudice and self-deprecation. The weight of injustice is so heavy, I often ignore it.

The curiosity of my children persuades me to feel it.

Ah, but that is the inherent danger of following innocent curiosity where it leads. I might have to face that which I otherwise ignore. I might be confronted with my own inconsistency, prejudice and selfishness. I might have to change.

It’s not every day that I point out the name of an elementary school as we drive by. I’m not sure what compelled me to do so the other day. I felt the invitation to say something, so I did. I had no idea where the conversation would go – no agenda. We just kept responding to one another and let the conversation unfold.

Photo Credit: Zoriah Creative Commons https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/legalcode

Photo Credit: Zoriah Creative Commons
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/legalcode

And now I’m researching fair trade clothing and thinking about what my five-year-old boy can do to participate in the fight for freedom.

I wonder where their curiosity will lead next?

Wherever it is…I’m in!

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Birthday Cake in Pictures

Sometimes you make double the frosting for a reason.

Big Cake



Meets our dog Belle.



Crushes a momma who put her heart in the cake.





Deep creativity and deeper love is found in the extra frosting.

Just don’t eat below the name or you’ll go into a sugar coma.





Many thanks to the parents who sponsored my OM Problem Solving teams in middle school and to ESU 11 for investing in gifted progams.

Seriously. My life and the lives of those around me are better for it.

Deeply, 

Andrea Joy

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Grandparent Magic

Grandparents have a way of making you believe you really are something special. It’s a glorious magic they possess – the power to be utterly delighted with the grandchild in their presence. They don’t wave a magic wand and make you fabulous. They just believe you really are fabulous. And in that moment, you believe it too.

Grandparent Magic Border

I don’t think I realized how powerful Grandparent Magic was until a couple of years ago when my Grandpa was in the hospital. Although he was fully aware, his body was failing him. The Moomey kids and grandkids all made their way to Grandpa’s bedside. My sister sent a video for me to play for Grandpa to let him know she was on her way. I had the privilege of sharing it with him.

“Hi Grandpa! I’ll be there soon!” Her enthusiastic voice called out from my phone.

His whole presence lifted him up in his chair as delight radiated from his weary being. He lifted the oxygen mask off his face so he could talk to her.

“Hi Honey! How are you?!”

For a split second I felt taken aback and a little jealous at how pleased he was to be in my sister’s presence. But as quickly as that feeling came, it was replaced with the most profound concept I may ever realize.

moomey kidsHe delights in every one of us as though we are the only one. His heart has room to believe each one of us is fabulous.

There are no favorites, we are all his favorite.

All of our grandparents and people who have the souls of grandparents (even without grandkids) possess the potential of this magic. They offer it unreservedly and increasingly as the years wear down their own need for approval and build up their capacity to love. It is so strange to be with our grandparents when they use their magic on people who are not family and we realize that they delight in every single person they greet.

There are no favorites, we are all his favorite.

Delight. Love. Magic.

I hear it is discouraging to get older. Retirement can make people feel useless and less valuable than they once were when they were working. Bodies are capable of less. Minds begin to forget. If we continue to measure ourselves by our former productivity, we may not realize that the most impacting years of our lives are upon us.

Dear Soul of a Grandparent, please soak this in. You have the potential to be more powerful and productive and effective in your twilight years than all of your youth and working years combined. We do amazing things when you believe we are fabulous. We live into the vision you have for us. We believe in ourselves when you believe in us.

If we continue to measure ourselves by our former productivity, we may not realize that the most impacting years of our lives are upon us.

That’s why Grandparent Magic is so dynamic. It empowers and inspires and supports. You can change hearts with your magic, making an exponential impact on the world through each person in your presence, simply and profoundly because of your delight.

Dear Soul of a Grandparent, unlock your Magic. You are fabulous.

I invite you to share what your grandparents or what being a grandparent has meant to you in the comments below or on my Facebook page – add a picture if you would like!

This post is dedicated to my Magical Grandparents: Homer & Aileen Rohde and Bill & Doris Moomey.

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Find the “Follow” button on the upper right side of your computer screen or by scrolling to the bottom of this post on your phone.

Thank you!

Deeply,

Andrea Joy

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Heart Attack! (The kind that doesn’t kill you, but makes you stronger)

It’s time to get creative and intentional about offering warmth to my kids, my husband, my family, my friends, teachers, and random strangers. If I’m not proactive, February has the potential to bulldoze me and everyone I care about. I’m just not going to let that happen.

From: Warmth For Cold Hearts

Tonight our family will have our annual Heart Attack night. A few years ago I saw the idea on Pinterest and it’s become a treasured tradition for our family. We choose a free evening around Valentine’s Day. It’s a low-pressure, low-effort, low-depth activity.

Heart Attack

Here’s how I plan on it going down:

The kids and I will cut out a bunch of hearts this afternoon. Then while eating our intentionally heart-healthy meal, including our favorite kale & quinoa salad, we’ll write things we love about each other (including pets!) on the hearts and hang them on our wall or refrigerator. We will leave them up for a week or two to soak in all of the goodness that comes with knowing our family loves and appreciates us. It’s an easy, special tradition that taps into the depth of our love for each other.

You can have a family heart-attack or you can offer a covert heart-attack to people you care about…

Be FOR other people today.

Support them.
Celebrate them.
Let them know.
It makes a world of difference.

#heatwave2015

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What YOU can do Today – for your Sweet Hearts

She was upset. Really upset.

I was calm. This time, I was calm.

Earlier that day I determined to start a heatwave to offer Warmth for Cold Hearts around me and so I was focused and ready for this little tantrum. This was one cold heart that I’d been concerned about for a while. And the tantrum was an opportunity to warm it up.

What are you upset about, sweetheart? What has made you so sad that you feel you have to yell at me? I can’t stay in the room while you are yelling, but when you’re ready to talk about what you’re sad about, let me know.

After a few minutes she was ready. There were tears. And indeed, she was really and understandably tangled up inside. The conversation went on for quite a while – way past my usual “I have to leave the room at 8:00” time. I didn’t get the laundry put away that night (OK…the laundry still isn’t put away three days later!) but I’ll tell you what DID get done. Thaw. The cold hard heart before me warmed quite a bit after I explained why people speak harshly (because they’re actually sad or hurting) and why some people are sad and hurting a lot (because they think they need to do something or be something to be more valuable).

“Why can’t you just tell them that?” she asked.

Through my many, many tears and while she gently rubbed my back I said:

I can try to live it. And I can write and teach about it. But I can’t promise that anyone will take what I say and apply it to themselves. So we pray and we treat people with respect and love even when they are harsh with us.* We see tears where there are harsh words or actions and we remember there is sad or pain under that anger. We offer Love whether it is accepted or not.

Friends, I ask you: How might this apply to you?Ignite

  • Is there a sweet heart that is longing for you to hear that you can cry in front of them instead of treat them harshly?
  • Does some sweet heart feel torn and anxious when you worry about how much you are worth to the world – to them?
  • Who is angry around you and really just needs someone to see underneath the anger – to breathe LIFE and LOVE to the deep places inside of them?

Today. Do it today. Don’t let another day go by without offering warmth to a cold heart. You might be amazed at the fire that ignites inside of you.

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*Sometimes loving and respecting someone else means we must withdraw from their presence so we do not feed their hunger to dominate and control. Just as I left the room when my sweetheart was directing her tantrum at me, sometimes we need to leave the “room” when others direct their anger toward us. I do not intend to suggest that anyone stay in an abusive situation. There may be a time to come back and listen, but sometimes we need to leave to let the other find out how sad they really are.

Links to more posts on this topic:

Warmth For Cold Hearts

The Thrill Of Victory and the Agony of Defeat